Seasons
by Hedonistic Opportunist
Summary: "You can't really help whom you fall for, Lelouch. And … I just happened to fall in love with the cousin of my deceased wife." 00. Slice of life.
1. Chapter 1

_**Seasons**_

**Warning(s)**: slow, _slow_ moving romance. Past Suzaku/Euphy. Past, partly still unresolved Gino/Lelouch. I'm warning you here and now, so you _won't_ complain.

**A/N:** This was inspired by a prompt from the cgkinkmemeii, but more than though the idea to write slow romance was fuelled by my lovely friend Sarah/**syrraki**. Who writes it beautifully. This is the first part of four. Updates should be frequent since I'm more or less done, but … yeah, I'm lazy and slow these days (my life? Not so funny recently).

Thanks goes to **Rex Sun** for editing the first two chapters. Reviews would be nice, but it's not what keeps me going. Just knowing that people are reading is :)

_I. Autumn _

* * *

"You don't have to make such a face, Lelouch," Marianne said, watching her only son with a mixture of concern and amusement while he zipped his bag shut. She sat down on the bed and sighed, running a hand through her fine, thick hair. "The household won't go to the dogs without you."

Lelouch shot her a bemused look, shaking his head. "You sure? The last time you tried to cook the kitchen nearly burnt down." He smiled then, a bit of a teasing glint in his eyes. "I actually hope the house will still be _here _when I return."

"You know, you really shouldn't talk to your mother this way!" But Marianne was smiling, and there was so much affection in her voice that Lelouch couldn't help but smile back at her.

"I hope … I just can't help thinking that you and Nunnally -" Lelouch paused, stopped pacing around the room and sat down beside his mother, grateful that she was here, though she really wasn't helping him pack at all. "I guess I'm trying to say that I'll miss you."

Marianne took his hands and squeezed them, tightly. "You are the one who wanted to do an exchange year. And it's only for _a year_, it's not like that much can change within such a time frame."

0.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

It was Gino who saw him off at the airport.

Airports had always daunted Lelouch a bit: the hustle and bustle of people dragging, carrying or being bedecked with suitcases, bag packs, and other assortments always striking him as unnecessarily stressful.

And those colours!

Why were airports so full of yellow and orange and sparkly ads that really, really made him not want to leave - okay, Lelouch realised, he was, maybe, a bit _nervous_.

"I'm glad you brought me here," Lelouch said, his throat a bit dry. It was still difficult, after _everything_.

But, at least, they were talking, could still look each other in the eyes without wanting to hurl objects at one another. Then again, he and Gino had always agreed that they wouldn't stop being friends even if … _right, not going there_, Lelouch decided.

He was going to leave London, his home, for an entire year. There was no need to make this any worse. "I really mean it. This would have been hell if I'd been here on my own. So thank you."

Gino smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, and Lelouch saw that he was clenching his fist so hard that his knuckles had gone pale. And when he spoke, his voice was a little strained, just a tad bit cautious as if he was holding back. "Don't - you don't need to thank me. It's the least I could do." He looked away, coughed, his voice quiet as he said," Just because we're no longer, _you know _, doesn't mean I can't still do things for you."

Ah, it was hurting again - that tell-tale ache in his chest, and Lelouch nodded, trying to ignore the heavy dullness creeping over his body. He wanted to say it, the 'I am sorry' and 'I wish things could be different', but there would have been no point in it, would there? "Just thanks then. Really, thanks. I'm glad you're the last one I'm seeing before leaving."

Gino smiled, a real smile. "I know. Had it been Nunnally or your mother, you'd have just stayed -" he dug his fingers into his pockets and shook. Lelouch wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. It wasn't that he disagreed with Gino. Distance was good, and he needed it - felt that it would give him the time he needed to think over what he wanted to do with his life. He was twenty-three, and it was time he did some serious thinking … But, on the other hand, it wasn't like he'd left because he'd been fed up. But then again …

Thankfully, Lelouch managed to evade an answer because, as he looked at his wrist-watch and saw the time display, he realised he had to be getting on. He looked at Gino and opened his mouth to say something - _anything_, but Gino just nodded and pulled Lelouch into a hug.

"Guess, that it's then," he whispered into Lelouch's ear, and Lelouch held on, allowing himself for the moment that small stolen moment of assurance. That small hint of selfishness that he knew he shouldn't indulge in, but still needed …

When they broke apart, Lelouch's heart was heavy, and it only grew heavier when he grabbed hold of his trolley, started pushing it and, throwing one last long at Gino, took those first few steps towards what might not necessarily be a new start or life, but was still a change, nevertheless.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

The tight feeling in his throat hadn't quite left him when he boarded his flight.

So, it was hello to the United States. A place that, aside from the few times he'd briefly visited (and he could count the times he'd visited on one hand) and those Hollywood films with their white picket fences and all, he knew little about.

He was certain that the place he was going to would be nothing like London. No mention of tubes, or Oyster cards or those red brick buildings or dark clouds in May -

Ah, his throat was going drier and his heart thumped. And, as he felt the plane beginning to move, Lelouch thought, considered, if he shouldn't start screaming for it to bloody stop moving and let him go because …

Stupid, he was being so stupid. Lelouch didn't know what it was, but he didn't quite understand why his emotions were all over the place today.

It was a year. Nothing dramatic. He could, during the holidays, always come back. Besides, he'd promised Euphy that he'd come and visit her once. And that didn't necessarily make him feel better, but consoled him a little, because he'd really promised her often, but had always failed to keep it in the end.

This time he could visit - only that … she wasn't there anymore, and there was nothing Lelouch could do about that.

Nothing at all.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

They usually said that the first eight months after a person's death were the worst.

Or that was what Suzaku had picked up from one of those oh so knowledgeable magazines that, for once, hadn't focused on the newest trends or on how to improve one's living room.

If you asked Suzaku, he thought it was still hell even after two years.

And it was not because he could still see Euphy everywhere - he had in the first few months until, following his father's advice, he'd thrown her things away. His heart had hurt, yes, and he'd hated himself, but Genbu had told him that he couldn't wallow in self-pity when he had a child to look after. A child that would never know her own mother.

So, he'd tossed the things out and only kept a few small things that reminded him of Euphy - a pen she'd used to write with, a pin she'd given him back in high school-

"You should get married again," Genbu said, his voice completely serious, and Suzaku snapped out of his reverie, not quite believing his ears.

Genbu was looking at Suzaku with concern, something Suzaku realised because his father only frowned like this when he was worried. Otherwise, his face remained eerily impassive, unmoved.

Suzaku shifted on his seat uncomfortably. "I can't. I'm not ready." He didn't feel like adding that he probably never would be. "Euphy has only been dead two years, Father. Don't forget that."

Genbu sighed. "You shouldn't only think of yourself, but Yune as well. You can't raise a child on your own. You're barely managing right now, in fact."

"I -" Suzaku started, but stopped talking. His father had hit the nail on the head again. But it wasn't like it was his fault; he couldn't be there twenty-four-hours a day. "When she starts school, it will be better. But it's not so bad right now, even -" Suzaku smiled," I've got so many people willing to help me." There was his aunt, and Kaguya, and Lloyd, or better said, Cecile, didn't object to his bringing Yune along to work sometimes when it was safer to do so … Suzaku really couldn't complain. "I don't think I have to worry about her being neglected."

Suzaku would have rather been skinned alive than neglect his daughter.

"Yes, but it's not a replacement for a real mother. Or -" Genbu took a deep breath, clearly thinking carefully about his next few words," a companion for life. You're still young; I don't see why you can't find yourself falling in love with someone else again."

Suzaku suppressed the feeling of anger and nausea welling up inside of him. He had no right to get offended when it was clear that his father just wanted the best for him. Taking a look at his father seated in that chair, with his proud face and stiff posture, Suzaku knew that, even if this man could seem heartless, he only wanted to help. Even if in this case there was no remedy. Suzaku's hand shook, but he forced himself to remain calm. "Euphy was my first and only love. I don't think I could ever meet anyone who could even come close to-"

His father interrupted him. "It's not about replacement. It's about not being dead inside. Just because she died, Suzaku, doesn't mean you have to be dead too. Remember that." Genbu stood up and winced a bit - he always suffered of backache these days. "I'll go and prepare some tea."

Suzaku immediately rose. "No wait, I'll -"

"No, stay put. I'll do it," Genbu replied. "I just want you to think about what I said."

Suzaku acquiesced, sitting back down again and listening to the retreating footsteps of his father. His head felt heavy, and he felt so tired, just tired.

He knew Genbu was right. But then again, he felt that he was just a tad bit hypocritical too.

After all, he hadn't remarried after Suzaku's mother had died either, and she had died when Suzaku had been three, and that had been twenty years ago.

His father hadn't even talked about remarrying for himself once.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

The apartment was … desolately small, Lelouch decided. At first glance, it really hadn't seemed so bad, not for a student like himself. One bedroom, a living room that also served as a dining room and a kitchen as well as a bathroom – it even had a small balcony. And yet, something was missing.

Something in the form of Nunnally and his mother – and Lelouch frowned, as he surveyed his apartment once more, searching for traces of them. Anything that would make that odd feeling in his stomach to go away …

When the phone rang, Lelouch picked up immediately. "Hello, who is this?"

"Still suspicious … as per usual." A loud laugh followed and Lelouch shook his head. "Sorry, I just had to call, even if it's only been a –"

"A day exactly," Lelouch answered as he tapped his fingers against the small table that phone was situated on. "You know, _this_ is going just great. We've barely been parted, and you're already calling." This wasn't a reprimand, but just a statement of bare facts.

Gino laughed again. "Well, would you prefer if we never talked to each other again?" He didn't sound serious, his tone playful; the same tone he used when he conversed with friends, the sort that made people assume that nothing could make him stop smiling.

And yet, Lelouch couldn't help but frown. "I don't know. Usually, you're not supposed to be –"He stopped talking, suddenly hesitating. "Forget it."

"No … you wanted to say that we're supposed to hate each other, right?" Gino sighed, and Lelouch could imagine that he was rubbing his neck. "I don't know, our break-up wasn't the sort that involved tears or lots of yelling. To be honest, -"Gino stopped talking, another loud sigh escaping his mouth, and Lelouch knew he was biting his lips. Something he always did when he was nervous.

He didn't have to continue, Lelouch knew where this was going, and that odd feeling was right back, but this time it wasn't just longing, but tinged with a bit of sadness too. "I know. We'll … just have to wait and see." Right. That was all he could do right now. Just wait and see.

Gino laughed again, but more lightly this time. "Thanks. I … needed to hear that, I think. And yeah, I hope you're alright." His voice softer, gentler at the 'I hope you're alright'.

Lelouch smiled over the phone. "I am. Though the apartment seems so small without the whole lot of you – Gino, will you …?"

"Of course, I will. I'll look after them in your stead."

Lelouch imagined that he was shaking his head over the phone, that usual grin playing on his features, and that same wave of longing rolled over him – he really was far away now. But, as he clenched his hand, feeling the cord of the phone pressing against his palm, he knew it was too late. He'd made his decision already. "Thanks. See you then."

"See you."

The moment Gino hung up, Lelouch surveyed the apartment again and thought that it maybe didn't look that small after all. It wasn't like he would stay here forever.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

"And you really don't mind me bringing her over?" Suzaku asked, watching as Cecile eyed Yune gently as she scribbled things of an indefinite shape with the new crayons she'd gotten from Kaguya a few days ago.

Cecile shook her head, and then smiled. "Why would I mind?" She chuckled, giving Suzaku another of her 'you worry too much' looks. "She's cute, and it's definitely easier to look after her than some_ other_ people." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Lloyd is worse than a toddler at times."

"If you say so," Suzaku said, trying to keep a grin from forming on his face; he knew that Cecile wouldn't mind if he grinned, but his father had always instilled him to not show any disrespect towards his superiors, no matter what their conduct was. He let out a sigh then, remembering what would await him once he entered the laboratory. "Well, I have to get going now – another round of testing."

Cecile gave him a sympathetic look that clearly spelt out that she didn't envy him anyway. "I'll be here, waiting." She smiled warmly, looking at him directly.

For a second, Suzaku had that odd feeling that she was flirting with him, and his father's words shot through his head. Certainly, Cecile was an attractive woman, fond of Yune, and Genbu Kururugi would have definitely approved … and Suzaku nodded, walking through the door leading to the lab.

He didn't have time nor the will to purse such thoughts.

…

"Isn-isn't that dangerous?" Suzaku really didn't want to probe, but _this_ looked rather risky. That and he was pretty sure that one of his lecturers at college had definitely advised against … well, but then his lecturer hadn't been Lloyd Asplund.

"Oh, don't worry!" Lloyd said as he smiled and urged Suzaku to not pay any attention to the cracking sounds or the smell of something burning, saying that it was all perfectly alright.

Suzaku did stop protesting; he'd learnt quite a while ago that, while his boss was a bit … crazy, he mostly did know what he was doing. Keyword being 'mostly'.

o.0~~~~~~~~~0.o

Lelouch really couldn't believe it. He made a motion to move towards the door and bloody leave.

"No need to be so overdramatic, _younger_ _brother_." His voice was still the same annoying mixture of cool nonchalance and charismatic sophistication – a mixture that both belied and accentuated his personality.

Lelouch sighed as he turned around, looking at the man he really didn't want to see _here_. "You know, when I said I'd be coming to study here, this wasn't an open invitation to … come pester me." Because Schneizel did that often enough when they were at home, visiting so often that Marianne often jokingly suggested that he should just move in. "Besides, I thought you had work in … back in London."

Where he supposedly _lived_ the last time Lelouch had checked.

Schneizel leaned back against his chair and shrugged his shoulders. "As it stands, I recently found out that they were offering a place here, so I decided to accept. Change of scenery and all –"He smiled pleasantly, motioning Lelouch to take the seat opposite of him. "Believe me, not everything revolves around _you_."

"Of course, and pigs can fly," Lelouch muttered as he walked forward, sitting down where his _beloved_ elder brother had gestured him to do so. He rubbed his temples as he took in Schneizel's desk – spotlessly neat. "Just say that you accepted because you can't live without making my life a living hell." He smirked. "Or just say outright that my mother has something to do with _this_."

"That's _rude_, Lelouch. Well, I admit that your mother might have suggested something and that it's easier to keep an eye on you while one of us is here as well , but –" Schneizel continued smiling, even though Lelouch sent him a death glare," I accepted this position because I was genuinely _interested_."

Lelouch couldn't argue against that; he recalled Schneizel talking about wanting to go abroad a few times, but still. "Did it really have to be here? I wanted –"He trailed off, knowing that his brother was very well aware of what he wanted.

"Distance, I know." Schneizel sighed as he leaned forward, sitting up straight. "Don't worry, I'll make sure that I'll treat you no differently just because you're my relative. When we're at university, our relationship is that of a supervisor and student."

This actually made Lelouch smile; he knew that Schneizel was serious about his job – there was no point in denying that. "Good, then I luck forward to it, Professor." He relaxed enough now that he was no longer clutching his knees, but had them placed comfortably on his lap.

"Good, Lelouch. Good. I think it'll be interesting to work together with you," Schneizel said, his smile warm with genuine affection now," I did hear good things about you."

"I aim not to disappoint," Lelouch answered, smiling back now. Perhaps, this would be a less awkward than he had anticipated. Perhaps, he'd even learn something useful.

"Oh, to talk of less academic matters. Have you visited Euphy's husband yet?"

Or _not_. Lelouch let out an irritated huff. "Look, I haven't had the time yet –"

Schneizel smiled pleasantly. "Really? It's rather close to this university, and you know how much it would have meant to Euphy-"His smile was only growing more pleasant, and, somewhere, a clock was ticking – loudly.

"Schneizel, just because I promised her doesn't mean I have to immediately rush to see him …" Lelouch stared at his brother, who stared right back at him. The clock was still ticking. Lelouch started counting. _One, two, three … _and Schneizel's smile just kept being so irritatingly pleasant.

Damnit. Lelouch let out a sigh. "Okay, I'll go and see him today in the evening."

"Good, just what I wanted to hear!" Schneizel said, still smiling while Lelouch grumbled and muttered something about 'evil elder brothers'.

o.0~~~~~~~o.0

Suzaku sighed as he tried to focus on the lines, but his vision was blurry, and the words were not making much sense. So this book was about clothes, brands and some man called Patrick Bateman who liked listing what kind of electric devices he kept in his apartment … and who talked all the time about what kind of clothes someone was wearing. Suzaku rolled his eyes.

Why had he allowed Cecile to recommend something to read, anyway?

He was actually rather grateful when the doorbell rang; it gave him an excuse to stop reading. Perhaps, it was his father … no, scratch that, it could only be Genbu, Suzaku reasoned. Only Genbu visited him at these hours, anyway.

But it wasn't Genbu. Instead, as Suzaku opened the door, he was greeted with the sight of a young man with black hair and what Suzaku assumed one would consider 'finely chiselled features', but he wasn't looking, really.

"Oh um. I don't buy anything," Suzaku blurted out without thinking, but the young man just looked so prim and serious in that black suit that he could only be a salesman! It was only when he noticed the frown on the man's face that Suzaku realised how rude he had been. He coughed, a slight blush creeping on his cheeks. "I apologise, I really do, but I really don't need anything. So if you would just try somewhere else …" He muttered a quick 'bye and take care' and was about to close the door when the young man stopped him.

"Huh?" Suzaku watched, utterly stupefied how the other man just walked right past him and closed the door behind himself, doing all of this with a self-assured air that was befitting of a prince, rather than the modest and eager to please attitude of the salesman that Suzaku had believed him to be at first.

"_Right_. That's charming. I finally do drop by and nearly get the door slammed right in my face," the young man was saying while he leaned down, took off his shoes, placed them neatly next to the row of shoes, stood up straight and smoothed the non-existent wrinkles on his clothes away. He frowned at Suzaku. "_What_?"

… _Okay_. "Excuse me, just who are _you_?" Suzaku didn't want to be rude, he really didn't want to be, but … this was a bit strange, he thought, while he stood there, trying to make sense of this situation.

The young man let out a laugh and shook his head. "How rude. You don't remember me?"

Suzaku just frowned. "No, I'm sorry. I have no idea who you are." He was pretty certain that, if he did, he would have been able to tell immediately – the young man, with those violet eyes of his, was pretty striking in terms of appearance, after all.

For a second, the young man narrowed his eyes – in anger or sadness, Suzaku wasn't sure. But then, his expression softened, and he wore something of a smile on his face. "Lelouch Lamperouge. And I guess, it's alright. We only, strictly speaking, saw each other once and, back then, you were rather … preoccupied." And then he did smile, tentatively, carefully, but it still brightened up his features. "Not that I'd have expected anything else of a groom on his wedding day. Euphy looked gorgeous."

It wasn't the 'Lelouch Lamperouge' that rang any bells, but the mention of 'wedding' and 'Euphy' that did. Suzaku looked at Lelouch again, tilting his head to the side. "You're … Euphy's cousin ... The one who lives in London?" He swallowed. Euphy had many relatives, and he really didn't know if he was right about this …

"The … younger one, yes. The 'black sheep' of the family if you so want to term it." The way he shrugged his shoulders was casual, nearly flippant, but something dark glimmered in Lelouch's eyes, and his tone had been cooler than before. Nearly hateful …

Yet, Suzaku didn't inquire into that, but just motioned Lelouch to follow him; he reasoned that it wasn't any of his business really. He and Euphy had not really talked much about her family, only about Cornelia and she'd sometimes dropped a name or two, names associated with the time she'd spent in England before moving. He knew that she'd maintained contact with some of her relatives from back then; however, he'd never probed, and Euphy had kept silent.

Not because he hadn't cared or Euphy hadn't trusted, but because they had both had known that, even if you shared everything with each other, there were some things that you just needed for yourself.

…

Lelouch had to say that Suzaku Kururugi looked about the same and yet very different from when he'd first seen him.

On that day, Suzaku had struck him as an extraordinarily ordinary boy with a goofy smile and bright eyes that shone full of love and affection for Euphy. Otherwise, there had been nothing special about him, and Lelouch had mostly thought that it was good that Euphy had found someone who loved her, but that had been pretty much it.

_This_ Suzaku looked sadder, his eyes duller, and Lelouch couldn't quite believe that they were the same age because Suzaku, though he didn't look old, walked like someone who was weary of life.

"So … this is a nice living room," Lelouch said, just for the sake of making communication, shifting a bit on the sofa. He was already regretting having come over. Clearly, this Suzaku fellow wasn't too keen on his being here if the nervous glances he kept sending at his direction were anything to go by.

"Is it? Euphy … um, she had a hand in designing it." Suzaku smiled, and that smile told Lelouch everything he needed to know. He was still in mourning.

"She liked things like that: she often rearranged and decorated my room when we were still children–" Lelouch trailed off, feeling that he was starting off at the wrong track. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't …" It had been two years, but Lelouch knew himself how little time that really was, especially when it came to healing.

Suzaku spoke so quickly Lelouch nearly jumped. "Um, no. It's fine. I rather … I mean I don't mind hearing what she was like during her childhood." He paused, chewed on his underlip. "So you're _that_ cousin, the one she wanted to marry once."

"_Oh_ _God_," Lelouch said as he buried his face with his hand, his cheeks growing hot,"don't tell me she told you all about _that_."

"She did. And she told me all about the cross-dressing too." Suzaku was chuckling now, and Lelouch – even if this was embarrassing – looked at him, surprised at how young Suzaku looked when he did that. And yes, right now, he looked very much like the boy at the wedding – the eighteen-year-old bridegroom. "Hmm. Though … wait, if you're that cousin, you must be around my age … right?" Suzaku was looking at him rather curiously, as if that were an outrageous thing.

"I'm twenty-three, yes," Lelouch answered, shrugging his shoulders. "_Why_? Did you think I was older?"

Suzaku laughed – a bit nervously and played with the hem of his sweatshirt. "No … actually, no. I thought you were … it's just that everyone seems so young compared to me."

"Twenty-three isn't exactly ancient …" Lelouch hesitated for a moment, but then decided to go for it, "it's not like being in your twenties makes you a Grandpa, Suzaku." He shook his head. _Really_.

"You wouldn't say this if you were widower and had a kid already," Suzaku said, his tone lightly mocking.

"Oh, I am sorry to disappoint. Just a graduate student here." And gay to boot, which rather slimmed down his chances of experiencing the joys of having kids. Unless he adopted, and he and Gino had always – but that wasn't something he was going to think about _now_. Lelouch noticed that Suzaku looked less nervous right now, but increasingly more interested. "I am doing an exchange year, in which I'm aiming to start working on my thesis."

"Hmm, thesis?"

"MA thesis in literature." He didn't mention that he was studying law as well. That wasn't of any interest to Suzaku. "I might also be holding some classes myself."

"So you're aiming to be a professor?" Suzaku asked, sounding truly intrigued. He smiled before adding, "I don't know you very well … but I think it fits you."

Lelouch smiled back. "Why do you assume it fits me?"

"I think you're the type that likes to give orders," Suzaku answered immediately. He shrugged his shoulders. "You give a bit off an authoritative air."

"The same can be said for a king." Lelouch smirked at the confusion brimming in Suzaku's eyes. "Both things also require you to like giving orders, but it's a lonely path …" Suzaku merely looked more confused, and Lelouch had to keep himself from slapping himself on his forehead. Of course. Was he an idiot? _This_ wasn't Schneizel. Lelouch shook his head as he crossed his legs. "Forget about it." He coughed and swallowed audibly.

Suzaku suddenly stood up. "Oh! I've been so rude. Do you want something to drink?"

In all honestly, Lelouch wasn't thirsty at all, but Suzaku looked so earnest in wanting to do something useful that Lelouch nodded. "A glass of water would be fine."

"Okay, wait. I'll be right back," Suzaku said in a way reminiscent of an eager puppy … but then Lelouch admitted he was just tired and that his metaphors were getting strange at this point. Still. He couldn't deny that Suzaku was a rather kind person. Just the sort of person he had always imagined Euphy marrying –

At that moment, there was a knock on the door, and footsteps rang through the apartment as Suzaku rushed to open it. It turned out to be Genbu Kururugi – a man Lelouch had seen at the wedding as well.

The man acknowledged him with a nod, stern and stiff, and Lelouch introduced himself, polite and aloof. The man merely acknowledged it with a 'hmm' and 'it's nice to meet you', no flicker of recognition passing through his eyes.

Lelouch was relieved, even letting out a slight sigh of relief when Genbu turned his attention to Suzaku. Not because he cared if Genbu recognised him or not, but he just seemed so stern that … Lelouch was rather adamant about his leaving.

"... Already?" Suzaku looked disappointed, a frown on his face. "You've only been here for a short while." There was an undertone of 'I wanted to talk more with you' there.

Lelouch sighed. "I have some errands to do." Which wasn't a lie. Even if he could have done them tomorrow.

"Oh, okay," Suzaku said, smiling, "but … do come over again, sometime?" But he didn't sound too pressing, something Lelouch was grateful for.

Because, as nice as Suzaku was, he saw no reason for lingering around.

…

After Lelouch left, Genbu actually sat down, and Suzaku did so too, not quite sure if he was grateful that his father had come. After all, he had been about to find more about Lelouch. Oh well. "So what do you think of him?"

"A very serious young man," Genbu said, his tone strangely contemplative, and Suzaku looked at his father, wondering what he was driving at.

"I thought so too, but he's a university student, and they tend to be rather s-"

Genbu frowned. "I didn't mean that. It seems like he has a heavy burden on his shoulders. He was very tense."

"I .. what makes you think so?" Suzaku thought that he himself had been rather tense, not so much Lelouch. He had, very much, acted so very confident and assured that Suzaku had only started to relax because of him. But that had been when he and Lelouch had been alone …

"He has a very watchful look in his eyes, like he expects everything to collapse around him the moment he stops looking." Genbu said this in a way that was neither approving nor disapproving.

Suzaku frowned. "Maybe … it doesn't really matter, does it? I doubt we'll see him around that often." And he wasn't sure if he was happy or unhappy about it, or if he felt anything about it at all.

o.0~~~~~~~o.0

Lelouch already knew why Schneizel being here was a bad idea.

He crossed his hands. "You do realise that I have no idea about those kind of things?" A lab? He'd bloody well slept through those classes in school!

"You're smart," Schneizel replied as he smiled pleasantly. "And I just need you to keep an eye on things. Mr Asplund is a bit … _eccentric_."

"_Right_," Lelouch replied, as he rolled his eyes, "if he's as eccentric as you say, why do you keep on financing that man?" Though that question itself was stupid; he knew that Schneizel just had a knack for those things - all for the benefit of research and education. Sometimes he did ask himself if the man was a bit dotty. "It's weird. You've not even got anything to do with this field -"

"But this man happens to be brilliant, and I don't see why I can't encourage him - I especially liked his proposal regarding Knightm-" A slightly dazed expression crossed over Schneizel's features as he rubbed his hands - not in a frantic way, but that graceful elegance that accompanied all of his actions.

"... you do realise this has nothing whatsoever to do with my thesis?" Lelouch scoffed. So typical of his brother. Pulling him into affairs that really shouldn't have been any of his concern. "Can't you … send your beloved assistant Kanon over?" He thought that Kanon followed his brother around like a loyal puppy.

"I could, but - I'd rather have _you_ help me out in this case. But I won't insist." Schneizel sighed. A loud sigh that made Lelouch sigh in return.

"Fine, I'll do it." But he expected something in exchange. "It's not like I have anything else to do in the mornings."

Besides, the lab was located in his university, which was the only good thing about this whole ordeal.

o.0~~~~~~~o.0

Suzaku frowned as he watched Lloyd muttering to himself while going through the lab like an overexcited child. "What's the matter with him today?" He paused in his typing, and even Cecile had stopped.

Cecile sighed, irritation spelling out all over her features. "Oh, nothing special. Just a relative of our sponsor coming over."

"... Okay," Suzaku replied intelligently, and shrugged his shoulders. To him, this was nothing monumental: he just knew that the sponsor was someone from England. "I thought the sponsor loved Lloyd's work?" He frowned. Okay, maybe it wasn't something to be shrugged off that easily.

"He does, but apparently he wants someone to supervise the work - not out of any malice, but to see how things are going," Cecile said and smiled then. "Which is good because it will … finally make him focus on something that isn't _nonsense_."

Suzaku just nodded in response, deciding that his input really wasn't necessary here. In any case, Cecile already had a very firm opinion of her own. He just nodded in response and went back to typing in the various data into his computer.

Cecile still hadn't started. Suzaku turned to her, frowning. "Something wrong?"

"I forgot to say that you're supposed to meet him today. I can't, and well Lloyd isn't in the right mind - today is just for the preliminaries. Just tell him about our work and all, it's … easy!" She smiled encouragingly, and then moved her chair to his, so she could pat him on the shoulder.

"Oh, _okay_." Suzaku tried to smile back, but his mouth had gone a bit dry. What if the relative was some scary, old scholarly guy in glasses? He'd never been good with that type.

…

In the end, the relative turned to be out someone he really hadn't envisioned at all. He was neither old nor did he wear glasses.

"Ah, _you_?" Suzaku blushed immediately afterwards. "Sorry. I just am a little surprised." He rubbed his head. "Hi, I guess …"

Lelouch smiled a little. "Well, I am too - the world really is a small place." He was dressed a little less casually than when they'd first met, wearing jeans and a violet shirt. But Suzaku wasn't paying attention to how it fit his upper body snugly or how it brought out his eyes - though a flitting thought of '_he's skinny_' did shoot through his mind.

"Hmm. So you're … ah, -" Suzaku stopped; he had no idea what Lelouch was to this mysterious sponsor guy.

"Half-brother of the sponsor of the charming on-goings here, and -" Lelouch's tone was a little strained, "well, I'm here to make notes. Nothing bad though. Schneizel just loves to learn how … brilliant men tick." He sighed again, and Suzaku got the feeling that he wasn't really thrilled to be doing this.

"Well, Lloyd Asplund is brilliant, though …" Suzaku lowered his voice, even though they were the only ones in the room, "he's a little weird." And that was really an understatement.

"Yeah, I heard that - but as long as he doesn't create another Frankenstein, it should be fine." Lelouch chuckled. "So … actually we're done now." He shrugged, looking at Suzaku, and then away into his distance. "So I should get going -"

"Hmm, yeah I guess," Suzaku said before an idea flashed through his mind. "... We could, as we have the time, hang out a bit …" He cleared his throat, hoping this didn't sound too awkward. He just thought that, seeing how abruptly Lelouch had left last time, it would be nice to talk with each other. Besides, the interior of this room was a little stifling.

"Hang out?" Lelouch asked, fixing his eyes on Suzaku's again.

"... If you have the time?" Suzaku frowned. Had he been _too forward_? "I mean, you don't have to -"

"No, it's fine. I don't have anything to do at the moment," Lelouch replied, and he smiled then. "But you have to suggest a place since I'm really new here."

…

The cafe he took Lelouch to was one of the few places Suzaku frequently haunted. Usually he ate at home or at his relatives'. Before Euphy had died, they'd sometimes gone out: nothing too fancy, just restaurants with a little garden or something that provided eating outdoors. Euphy had hated being 'stuck inside some stuffy room' as she'd always termed it.

They were seated outdoors too, it still not being cool enough to render that impossible. Only a light breeze was blowing, and Suzaku inhaled, taking in the smell of leaves; even if the breeze light, it slightly ruffled the umbrella situated above their heads. Their coffee still had not arrived yet. "They take a while here," Suzaku said, as he saw Lelouch tapping his fingers against the wooden table.

"That's not a problem," Lelouch replied. He gave Suzaku a questioning look, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, you were tapping your fingers -" Suzaku coughed a bit. "Well, I just thought you were restless."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. "I was just lost in thought." He didn't seem annoyed though, more amused if the slight smile on his face was anything to go by.

"Do you have a lot on your mind, then?" Suzaku didn't know why he kept asking such inane questions. But he was curious, recalling the words from his father …

Lelouch shrugged, resting his head on his elbow. "Sometimes. At other times, my head is just … a vacant lot."

"Ah, I know that feeling," Suzaku said, looking down at the ground. "When Euphy died, I just … went blank." He was gripping the edge of the seat, trembling just a little. "Funny, isn't it? In movies, people always cry and scream when someone passes away."

"Not really - it's a state of shell-shock. And movies have little to do with reality." Lelouch's tone didn't carry any emotion in it.

Suzaku looked back up. "I guess so. I just felt … weird that I couldn't cry, though I loved her as much as I did." _Still love her_, he wanted to add. "The tears did come … though not right after."

Lelouch just nodded, not saying anything, but then there wasn't anything to say, and they fell into silence - not uncomfortable, but one that Suzaku thought was filled with understanding. He was sure that, even if Lelouch wasn't making any outward sign of it, he was thinking of Euphy too.

When the waiter arrived, Suzaku was nearly angry that he'd interrupted. The last time he'd been able to mention Euphy this openly had been ages ago.

o.0~~~~~~o.0

His message box had three messages when he returned home - one from Gino, the second from his mother, and the final one from Schneizel. Lelouch smiled as he sat down on the coach and dialled the first number that popped into his mind. The phone rang for a second, and then a familiar voice was on the line. "Nunnally."

"Big brother!" And she sounded as happy as he felt. "How are you?"

"Fine," Lelouch replied, earnest enough. "I miss you and mother a lot though."

"We too, but … " Nunnally was giggling, "you know, with big brother Schneizel at your side now you won't be as lonely- he said to keep it a secret from you that he was going there too!"

"... Yes, it was a huge surprise to see him." A very huge one, indeed. "Anyhow, how are things going with you?" He let some of his concern carry through his voice. His throat felt dry, so, so dry. How he wanted to see her right now - _so very much_.

"Fine … I told you before that I can manage without you, brother. You can't stay by my side forever just because I can't walk or see," Nunnally replied, her voice full of conviction ... and strength. It always amazed Lelouch how strong she was.

"I would change the world for _you_, Nunnally," Lelouch replied then, his voice thick with emotion. "I didn't leave forever, just … I can come back anytime."

"No, don't come back till you are ready," Nunnally said, her voice determined, and he could imagine that she was smiling. "You have to do something for yourself as well."

Lelouch shook his head. "And how is mother?"

"_Busy_, but loving it! And the house hasn't burned down yet." She was laughing softly, and Lelouch laughed along.

"Oh - you know, I met Suzaku." He felt Nunnally deserved to know. She and Euphy had been fond of each other as children. She hadn't been able to attend the wedding, much to her sorrow, and now Euphy was gone. _This_ was the only thing he could give her. "He's very nice. Just the sort of man Euphy always dreamt of."

"... That's good to hear; I'm glad she found someone to love. She always wanted to be happy … and, "Nunnally paused, her voice trembling a bit, "the ones she loved to be happy as well. Us included."

"I know." Of course he did. Even if they hadn't been able to meet up (because of their blasted family, because of jealousy tearing up and ruining everything -), Lelouch had always been grateful that Euphy had kept in touch. Short as their phone calls had been, her e-mails had been longer, and there'd always been that undercurrent of affection, of hope that someday they would be reunited.

Lelouch only realised that he'd fallen silent when Nunnally added, "I am sure she's happy that you are visiting Suzaku in these hard times, making some of his loneliness pass away. He probably needs all the help he can get now."

And he was about to protest that it wasn't like that, that he had no intention of really doing more than just … but then he sighed. "I'll try to help him. He's lonely." He replayed their conversation from earlier today at the cafe, when Suzaku had told him about Euphy, his eyes sad even if he'd been trying to smile.

"Good! You should play with Yune too a little bit - tell her cousin greets her from overseas!" She laughed again. "I'm sure she loves you already; you were always so gentle and kind to me when we were still children."

Lelouch bit back the reply that he hadn't even inquired after his niece yet. When they said their mutual goodbyes, he let out a long sigh, put the phone away and felt that, somehow, Nunnally had managed to make him do her bidding yet again.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Sometimes, there were times when Suzaku really hated being a father. No, he never outright cursed his fate, nor wanted Yune to go away, but there were times when he wondered if it wouldn't just have been better if he had followed through his father's advice and allowed his aunt to take care of her. She loved children.

"It wouldn't be a parting; you'd still see her whenever you'd like, and she would be in good hands," Genbu had said then, but Suzaku had refused. And a part of him still seethed.

Looking down at his daughter, her green eyes looking back at him, he remembered that he'd _promised_ Euphy to never let Yune taste loneliness; something both of them had known as children.

He pulled her closer, pressing a kiss against her forehead. She let out a childish squeal of delight, continuing to play with his hair - her little fingers surprisingly strong for a child of that age.

"Ouch. You're hurting Daddy," Suzaku said jokingly and was about to give her a piggy-back ride when the door rang. Suzaku, with Yune in his arms, walked to the door and opened it, not really sure who it was this time. His father attended his club meetings today …

"Ah, _Lelouch_!" Suzaku was surprised himself at how happy he sounded. "I wasn't expecting to see you so … soon again." Not that it was bad. He looked down at Yune who was staring rather curiously at Lelouch. "This is Yune - " He didn't say his and Euphy's daughter because he was sure Lelouch _knew_.

"She looks just like you," Lelouch said, smiling as he leaned down to greet Yune, his tone much gentler and sweeter than Suzaku had imagined possible as he introduced himself as her 'uncle'.

He looked at Suzaku who nodded. And then, with a gentleness that surprised Suzaku again, Lelouch took her into his arms, Yune not even protesting as she usually would have, but settling rather comfortably, happy sounds escaping her mouth. She seemed to take a particular fondness to Lelouch's hair too …

"Yes, and she takes after me when it comes to punching too." Suzaku laughed, and letting Lelouch walk into the living room, closed the door.

…

Yune was in bed by the time Lelouch and Suzaku started really talking. She'd gotten sleepy not long after Lelouch had come, and Suzaku had watched Lelouch carry her upstairs, both amazed and surprised at how gentle Lelouch was. Like he had experience with taking care of others, and a bit of jealousy had crept up Suzaku's spine because he himself never managed to handle Yune with such seemingly effortless ease.

He was curious as to why Lelouch was so good with this, but he figured he wouldn't probe. Besides, Lelouch was talking about his new life in America in a more conversational tone than the other times they'd talked. "I must say that getting to spend time in the lab isn't as much as a nuisance as I expected. In fact," he looked at Suzaku and smiled, "it probably keeps me from bashing my head in boredom."

"Boredom?" Was university life really that dull?

"I don't have anything to do in the mornings," Lelouch said, as if he'd captured the questioning look in Suzaku's eyes. "Most of my classes are in the evening …"

"So you're not as busy as you assumed you'd be?" Suzaku wasn't sure; evening classes sure sounded tough to him, coupled with the fact that he was to be there to observe their activities.

"Yes, and it's only three times a week," Lelouch sighed. "And only one course requires me to be there _all the time _actually."

Suzaku couldn't quite hide his surprise. "That sounds surprisingly … lax." And it did, even if he didn't know much about graduate schools. "So I guess the thing with the classes fell through -"

"Well, they expect me to start working on my thesis, and I already have all the credits, so -" Lelouch sighed. "Still, even I'm surprised that it's so little … I wish I could teach at … but oh well." Another sigh escaped his mouth.

"... you thinking of going back home?"

"Sometimes." Lelouch's eyes dulled a little. "I do miss home. I do miss my family. And Gi-" He stopped, then added, "I mean, my friends."

Suzaku didn't inquire whoever the person with the 'gi' syllables was; it was weird, he thought, how Lelouch had cut himself off so suddenly, how he'd tensed for a second there, but it wasn't his position to judge. "... if you're lonely, you can always come visit us. Even when my Dad is around, he doesn't _bite_ -" Suzaku laughed. "Not any more than Lloyd does!"

"You think I ran off last time because I was scared of him?" Lelouch sounded a little indignant, and he was looking at Suzaku questioningly.

"Well, last time you ran off so suddenly -" Suzaku shifted a little; this seat was getting uncomfortable. He wasn't used to it. No wonder; he usually sat there where Lelouch did - normally, his father favoured_ this very_ seat here.

A sigh escaped Lelouch's lips. "Okay, he did seem a little intimidating."

"He isn't really," Suzaku replied, getting up and then settling down next to Lelouch; the other looked at him, stiffening a little, but relaxed soon enough. Suzaku chuckled a little; Lelouch really _was_ tense, always so cautious! "He's a nice man, just a bit stiff."

"A bit?" Lelouch asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, a lot. But he really doesn't bite. Trust me." Suzaku sighed as he settled back against the sofa, comfortable enough around Lelouch by now that he could be less worried about posture and manners. He looked at Lelouch, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "So will you hang out with us this weekend?" He didn't care how lame it sounded.

Lelouch just nodded and then yawned. He looked at Suzaku, and there was that stiffness again; it made Suzaku frown. "I should get going …"

"You can spend the night here," Suzaku replied immediately, not feeling awkward at all, in spite of the fact the fact that Lelouch was giving him a rather strange look. "You are … practically family," he smiled. "Besides, it's too late to get anywhere." And he figured that Lelouch didn't own a car nor had the luxury of calling a cab here.

For a second, it looked like Lelouch was about to say 'no', his violet eyes dull for a moment, and a heavy silence descended on them, but Suzaku didn't mind. Like this, he could examine Lelouch more carefully, for the first noticing how beautiful the other man was.

He'd noticed it during their other meeting, but under the not-too-intense burn from the lamp hanging above their heads, surrounded by the quiet lull of the evening, Suzaku noticed for the first time that Lelouch's skin was not a ghostly pale, but still white, only accentuating the darkness of the thick hair that fell - not in curls, but straightly - across his cheeks - and that as he breathed, his chest rose and fell, his shoulder rising a bit and that … for some reason, this struck Suzaku as very graceful.

When Lelouch finally replied, it seemed like hours had gone by, though it couldn't have been more than a minute. "Fine … but you don't have to bother yourself too much about -"

Suzaku shook his head. "There is more than enough space here. And there's a spare room in the house." His tone fell a little at that, again that sadness rolling over him. "Euphy always said that we should have one, just in case." He smiled then. "So don't worry."

Lelouch's expression was unreadable, but he nodded. "All right. Thank you."

And with that, Suzaku just smiled again and motioned Lelouch to follow him as he got up.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~ o.0

The moment Lelouch had entered that room, he'd known that it had been intended for _him_ all along. Even if Euphy hadn't seen him in years, she hadn't forgotten that he loved books, as evidenced by the bookshelf filled with carefully chosen titles (_Crime and Punishment,_ _Divine Comedy -). _

He wondered how much time she'd spent picking them as he traced a finger among the volumes; there were flecks of dust here and there on the top of the books, making it evident that no one had touched them for a while. Maybe not since Euphy had passed away -

Lelouch felt his throat go dry, grateful he was alone now, glad that Suzaku had, yawning, decided to go to sleep right after bringing him here and providing him with some of his pyjamas. While doing that, he'd smiled sheepishly, actually apologising for them probably being too big him on him. _How_ _silly_. How -

_Very much like Suzaku, _Lelouch's mind supplied, realising that he hadn't met anyone like Suzaku before. But now wasn't the time to muse on why Suzaku struck him as so different; he was tired, and … yet, he could admit one thing: being around Suzaku definitely made him feel less lonely.

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and he couldn't suppress it. Perhaps, being here - even if it meant not seeing Nunnally or his mother - wasn't as bad as he thought.

And, as he dozed away, he couldn't help wonder what the next day would bring.

…

The next day brought Suzaku shaking him awake, and Lelouch muttered a 'sod off' to him in an angry, frustrated tone. He actually managed to hit Suzaku in the face.

"Rude," Suzaku said, rubbing his cheek. "And you've got a good aim. I'm surprised." And he really did sound a bit taken aback, but there was no trace of anger in his voice.

Lelouch rubbed his eyes wearily, only now taking in that the room was bathed in light, the curtainless window allowing the rays of sun to shine through. But it didn't cheer him up, and Suzaku was still standing there, leaning over him. A stupid grin was playing on his face.

"_What_?" Lelouch snapped, not caring that he was a) insulting his host, and b) behaving like a total wanker. He was tired, and wanted to sleep. Everything else could go to hell.

"It's seven am - Time to get up?" And with that, Suzaku actually tore the blanket away from Lelouch. A motion that left Lelouch stunned, his mouth gaping as he found himself blanketless and exposed to … well, not earth-shattering coolness, but _still_!

"... give that back!" Lelouch got on his feet and tried to fetch the blanket that Suzaku was holding. But that idiot was actually fast, and - whenever Lelouch got close to grabbing the blanket - he just moved away, chuckling all the while.

Indeed, it wouldn't have been all so bad if Lelouch hadn't grown tired quickly, his stamina never having been the most admirable trait of his character, and after some five minutes of playing 'go catch the blanket' with Suzaku, he was already out of breath and sitting down on the bed. He fixed Suzaku with an angry glare. "Excuse me, how _old_ are you exactly?"

"Twenty-three years and three months!" Suzaku replied all too cheerfully with the eagerness of a schoolboy.

"You were born in July?"

"Yeah!" He was still grinning, looking so boyish and … _innocent _that Lelouch had to wonder if this was the same sombre young man he'd believed Suzaku to be when they'd first met.

"... seven months."

"Hmm?" Suzaku looked at him quizzically, holding the blanket protectively against his chest.

"You're seven months younger than me." Not that it bothered him in any way, but Lelouch had, in a way, always believed that Suzaku was older than him. Strange that.

"Oh! So you'll be celebrating your birthday … around Christmas?" He sounded oddly excited, and that made Lelouch roll his eyes.

"... 5th of December. Not really around Christmas, but I guess close." He crossed his arms, not getting why Suzaku was smiling like _this_. "What is it?"

"So you're older than me." Suzaku just tilted his head to the side, eyes wondrous. "And you're neither a morning person nor … very athletic." Suzaku laughed and plopped down beside Lelouch, so close that their knees were brushing. "... I like learning all these new things about you."

"Indeed. I am sure it's fascinating." Lelouch shifted away a bit, never having felt comfortable when people got so close.

Suzaku didn't seem to notice or care because he just continued talking. "... It is! And you're stronger than you look."

That made Lelouch stare at him. "So you think I look like a wuss?" He asked this casually enough, but there was a warning edge to his voice.

"A wuss?" Suzaku laughed again, and shook his head. "_No_."

"Then?" Lelouch really was curious now, and why was Suzaku so close? He'd actually breached the gap between them, and their knees were brushing again.

"Hmm, kind of pretty and fragile. Like someone who's meant to be admired -" Suzaku said, not a hint of a flush on his face, and his tone completely _serious_.

… But Lelouch actually felt his cheeks warming up. Was Suzaku some kind of _idiot_? "You shouldn't say such things -" Unless you wanted to flirt.

Suzaku was frowning. "... Huh? Why? It's a compliment!" The worst thing about this was that he sounded completely earnest.

"... Forget it," Lelouch said, clearing his throat and sighing. "I guess, _thank_s."

"You're welcome! But you should really get up now! I need to wake up Yune too, and -" Off Suzaku went babbling about giving her a bath, and how difficult that was because she hated baths, and … Lelouch just sighed, already knowing he'd wind up helping Suzaku.

This really was the beginning of a beautiful relationship, he thought.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning(s): **closure of Gino/Lelouch (doesn't go beyond kissing), lots of talking, still in the sloooow romance department, but also _UST_. This is a behemoth of a chapter. Sorry. Possible missing words and typos XD.

Thanks for the lovely comments/favs/alerts so far :)

* * *

II. _Winter_

October easily slid into November, windy but still sunny days with yellowed leaves giving way to bare trees that were black as cinder. In London, during that period, it was always cold, the air frosty as it seeped into his skin.

Lelouch didn't really miss it. But what he did miss was having some _peace _- and Suzaku, when not in the lab or around Yune, really just behaved obnoxiously, dragging Lelouch outdoors and being all surprised when his enthusiasm didn't quite awaken anything in Lelouch.

Not that it stopped him from trying.

"Ah, Lelouch!" Suzaku was punching him lightly on the shoulder, grin on his face as he grabbed him by the hand and pulled him towards the tree. "Why don't you climb up with me?"

Lelouch stared at Suzaku, then up at the tree - with branches that looked stable enough, but _still_. "... How old are you again?"

The stupid grin just spread over Suzaku's face. "You know how old I am, and what has age got to _do_ with anything?" He'd let go of Lelouch's hand and was placing it on the dark brown bark of the tree, and with a hop, he hoisted himself up and was then seated on the tree, his feet swinging to and fro as he held onto a branch.

Lelouch just prayed to the Heavens that he wouldn't climb any higher. "Well, I'm not calling the ambulance when you fall down and break your bones."

"How mean," Suzaku said and then jumped down, landing next to Lelouch and startling him. Enough that Lelouch fell on his back with a loud thud, causing Suzaku to laugh.

"... That's not funny!" Lelouch shot an angry look at Suzaku as he folded his arms, dusting the lapels of his coat. He'd gotten dirt and rotten leaves all over it...

Suzaku leaned down and helped him to brush away some of the dirt, still chuckling lightly. "Here," he said as he held out his hand, "let me help you up." But he didn't even wait, reaching out for Lelouch's gloved hand with his bare one and pulling him up his feet.

"You really are …" Lelouch shook his head, but smiled then. He couldn't help it, even though he'd just landed on his behind because Suzaku had been acting like a ten-year-old. "Forget it, you just _are_."

Suzaku tilted his head to the side. "Am what?" His green eyes were fixed on Lelouch's, and he looked like he really did want to know.

Lelouch sighed and leaned against the tree. "Childish, humble, kind and … too much of an exercise nut." He rolled his eyes at the thought of just how active Suzaku was. "I think you're worse than Yune in that aspect."

A laugh. "Well … at least I don't pause for breath after one minute of running around!" Suzaku walked over to where Lelouch was and let his back fall against the tree too, his shoulders brushing against Lelouch's as he did so.

For a second, Lelouch remained silent, trying to ignore the strange feeling washing over him as Suzaku was in such close proximity again. It passed by quickly, though. By now, he'd learnt that Suzaku was a naturally touchy-feely person - not in an offensive way, and Lelouch knew that he, perhaps, was just too unused to having people behave so casually around him.

Well, there was Gino, but then that had been - he'd always touched Lelouch to earn a reaction out of him, even before their friendship had blossomed into romance … Lelouch sighed, pushing _that _thread of thought deep, deep into the abyss of his mind.

"... You got something on your mind?" Suzaku then asked out of the blue, startling Lelouch out of his reverie. He let his eyes wander to Suzaku, noticing that Suzaku's gaze was concerned.

"Yes," Lelouch replied, shrugging his shoulders and smiled at Suzaku, knowing that he wouldn't probe. "I try not think about it, but it just keeps resurfacing."

Suzaku nodded, and his expression grew serious. "Then … maybe you shouldn't try to stop thinking about - whatever it is - but confront it."

A bitter chuckle escaped Lelouch's mouth. "It's not that simple."

"An easy excuse, don't you think?" Suzaku simply asked, his green eyes not cruel or angry, but _serious_. He didn't wait for Lelouch to reply, but continued, "Personally, I always thought that people just say 'it's complicated' when they're too much of a coward to deal with something."

A bitter, frosty wind started blowing then as Lelouch buried his hands in his pockets and contemplated how to digest those words. His eyes never left Suzaku's. "I guess you're right."

Suzaku's eyes widened, and then he smiled. "Wow, I wasn't expecting that." He sounded a little wondrous, thoughtful too.

"You … weren't expecting me to agree with you?" Lelouch asked, slightly amused.

"Yeah," Suzaku answered, his smile not fading, "because you usually always want to be right."

Lelouch smiled back, called Suzaku an 'idiot', but a part of him wondered when Suzaku had started being able to read him that well.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

"The newest experiment really didn't look safe," Lelouch said in a whisper to Suzaku as he held onto a sleeping Yune in his lap; she had her head on his chest, and, thumb in her mouth, was having her early afternoon nap. They were in the break room, just outside of the lab. Lloyd was still inside, having asked Suzaku and Cecile to quit the room, so he could have some precious time alone.

_Whatever_. Suzaku just sighed loudly. "...It wasn't." He could have expanded on how and why, but somehow he really just - he let out another sigh. "Anyhow, thanks for keeping an eye on her."

"No problem," Lelouch said with a smile on his face. And he patted Yune's head lightly, hands running gently over the mop of brown hair. "It's not like I actually have to do much in the way observation." He shrugged his shoulders lightly.

"Hmm. It's enough if you just listen to Cecile's ranting." He smiled, taking in how Lelouch was smiling at that too - and he had such a pretty smile. Really, it was a shame he didn't do it that often.

"Ah, yes, she's lovely. Really makes things more endurable -" Lelouch shook his head, and smiled again.

But Suzaku didn't feel like smiling now. So Lelouch only considered things boring here, maybe even dragging, and he stole another look at Lelouch - his gaze taking in how effortlessly, gracefully beautiful Lelouch was, how intelligence shone in those eyes, and how - whenever Lelouch talked - Suzaku felt that he was a mere ruffian compared to his sophisticated nature.

"What is it?" Lelouch asked, all of a sudden, having noticed that Suzaku's eyes were on his. He looked worried.

"Nothing." Suzaku looked down at the floor, then at his hands. "Actually, I wonder why you continue spending time here, with … me -" He trailed off, not quite sure he wanted to meet Lelouch's gaze now, fearing that he might see the confirmation of his misgivings reflected there. But then again, Suzaku decided he was being stupid and lifted his gaze. "You must be feeling bored."

"Hmm?" Lelouch was frowning, and that pretty smile that brightened up his features had left his mouth. "What do you mean?"

Suzaku sighed. "I mean, I'm sure you have better things to do than taking care of a child or humouring a widower -" Because if this was just about pity or doing Euphy a favour then Suzaku really didn't want it to go on any longer. "If you think it's a waste of time -"

"No, I don't. Trust me, and it's not like I consider _this _-" Lelouch was looking at Suzaku directly as he emphasised that point, "a waste of my time."

And Suzaku heaved in relief, the smile returning to his face. "Good. Because - I consider you a good friend." And he meant that, he really did.

Lelouch was shaking his head. "I do too, so stop asking such stupid questions."

"You consider me _stupid _then?" Suzaku asked in mock hurt, grinning all the while. "A nice way of talking about your friends you have there." He really shouldn't say that, but Suzaku couldn't help thinking how amusing it was to see Lelouch's eyebrows crinkle in mild irritation for a second. _Cute._

"Shut up." But Lelouch was smiling back fully, and it brightened his features more than ever.

…

Yune woke up some twenty minutes after that, crying about something or the other until Suzaku agreed to give her a piggy ride the whole way back home. Something he could do easily, seeing how his workplace was only some ten minutes away from home (and Euphy had been so happy about that -).

Lelouch was walking beside them, a smile on his face. "You know, you're a really good father."

At that moment, Yune pulled at Suzaku's hair, earning a pained groan from him. He shook his head and laughed. "_You sure_?"

"Hmm, yes," Lelouch said, but he was holding back a chuckle or two. His eyes were gleaming with mirth.

"Liar, you're laughing - _ouch_!" Yune had tugged so forcibly this time that it actually hurt. Suzaku wondered again where the hell she got all that strength from.

"No, I'm not. But come on, let me take her." Still chuckling, Lelouch took Yune off Suzaku's back and allowed her to sit on his shoulders. Yune accepted that generous offer with a loud squeal and a smile. When she had comfortable settled herself, Lelouch started to walk with an elegant ease that left Suzaku a bit startled.

But what startled him more while he watched Lelouch with Yune was how _right _it seemed, how happy the two of them looked together.

On this frosty November afternoon with the golden leaves forming a carpet on the ground they tread upon, Suzaku found himself observing Lelouch and Yune so much that he nearly missed that they were moving away from him until -

Lelouch turned around and waved at him. Feeling his cheeks flush a bit, Suzaku jogged up to them, and Lelouch was shaking his head. "Don't get so easily distracted. Did you want us to leave you there?"

"No," Suzaku replied, laughing. "I was just thinking." Actually, he'd just been observing Lelouch, but that was not something he had to share.

As they walked side by side at a comfortable pace, Lelouch just nodded; his hands were securely holding Yune in place.

Suzaku smiled, his voice gentle as he said, "I think you'd make a great father yourself." He meant that too, every word.

So much that Suzaku didn't quite understand the frown that formed on Lelouch's face nor the slight narrowing of his eyes. As if he had said something wrong, and when Lelouch answered, his voice was oddly strained. "Thank you, Suzaku, but I don't think I'll ever be a father." He coughed for a second, as if the subject were most uncomfortable.

Suzaku's eyes widened. "Huh? _Why_?" And then he flushed again. _Right_. This wasn't his business, and he had no right to probe into it. Whether Lelouch wanted to have kids or not was none of his business. Looking away, Suzaku rubbed his nose. "I'm sorry."

As he turned his attention to Lelouch again, Lelouch actually looked relieved, his features having relaxed. And Suzaku smiled again, though a part of him wondered why Lelouch had been so clearly upset a moment before.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Lelouch sat on his bed and was rubbing his temples. His hand was shaking as he dialled Schneizel's number. His brother didn't pick up immediately, the buzzing sound over the receiver continuing for a few uncomfortable seconds. Lelouch considering hanging up.

"Hello, how can I help you?" As always, Schneizel sounded so annoyingly posh that it made Lelouch's eyes roll.

"Schneizel. I have a problem." A huge problem, actually, and no it was not an _overstatement_.

"_Hello to you_, brother," Schneizel replied, sighing over the phone, and Lelouch imagined that he also a bore suitable expression of mild indignation on his face. "Start from the beginning."

Now Lelouch was sighing himself. He let his hands run over the cover of a copy of Faulkner's _Absalom! Absalom! _as he said, "There is not much to tell, actually. My landlady is throwing me out, and I need to find a new place to sleep in by tomorrow."

"Why would your landlady be throwing you out?" For once, Schneizel neither sounded amused nor merely curious; the tinge of worry was evident in his tone.

"Apparently, she -" Lelouch rolled his eyes, "just recalled that her darling son needs this room." Something she hadn't been able to tell him when he'd first moved in, when he'd called her in London … Lelouch really had to bite his under lip to stop himself from cursing out loud.

There was a pause for a short while, Lelouch allowing Schneizel to process the information and he himself trying to decide whether it had been a good idea to call his half-brother. Then again, it wasn't like he had anyone else to turn to. In the end, his decision turned out to be correct.

"You can spend the night in my room today, and the next few days of course until we find a solution," Schneizel said, and he was sighing again.

Lelouch knew _why_. It was because this was all he could offer; his room was small, and Lelouch knew that him staying there permanently was out of the question. Unless he wanted to become a burden to his brother. He sighed as well. "Thanks for your help."

"Don't mention it." Schneizel then went on to say how Lelouch was his brother, and that - when it came to family - things like 'thanks' should never even be mentioned. And Lelouch shook his head at that, thinking that Schneizel might have been right if they - Lelouch only by half-blood - had not been Vi Britannias. Because, in truth, there was no reason for Schneizel to help him -

"Lelouch, don't think that you're a bother to me ever," Schneizel's voice cut in, slicing his thoughts in half. Lelouch actually froze.

"How did you-"

Schneizel chuckled. "I just know you very well, and I'll say this again: no matter what everyone else thinks, you are my brother." Lelouch could hear the unspoken 'and I love you'. It warmed his heart, and he felt the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips.

"Thank you." He heard Schneizel chuckle again before he uttered 'goodbye, and I'll be waiting for you'. Then the line was dead. _Good_. The problem had been temporarily solved.

Temporarily. Lelouch let himself fall on the bed after he'd put the phone in the drawer. With his head on the pillow, he let his gaze wander over the room - its cleanliness (all his effort), the way the ceiling only seemed an elbow's length away and … Lelouch sighed. It wasn't a great loss in any way.

Besides, he hadn't actually spent all that many nights here. In fact, ever since he'd first slept over at Suzaku's those … yes, it had been more than a month already. Lelouch's forehead was wrinkled with a frown as he realised that he'd actually, for two months nearly, spent more time at Suzaku's than in this desolate apartment.

And it made him grin. Suzaku's house was cheerful, warm - the house still bearing all the vestiges of Euphy's creativeness and appreciation for bright things. Not that Suzaku was dark in any way, just more subdued, homely. Lelouch could imagine that the kitchen with its delicate shades of blue and white had actually been decorated by Suzaku, rather than Euphy. Euphy, he thought with a chuckle, would have just gone all pink or purple.

He sat up on the bed, reaching for the phone, considering calling Suzaku, his hand already dialling the beginnings of a number he knew by heart now. But then he stopped, and decided against it. Suzaku already had Yune to worry about; he didn't have to add to his troubles. Besides, just because he often spent the night there and had become used to Suzaku's presence, that didn't mean it was his home.

No, it _had been_ Euphy's, and Lelouch saw no reason why it should be any different.

…

Coming over after a hectic day at uni or, better said, one hectic day at uni had become something a tradition for Lelouch. Actually -

"You always come over," Suzaku said, managing with effortless ease to pinball the exact point of Lelouch's thoughts. He was smiling while attempting to brush a squabbling Yune's hair.

Lelouch watched the chaotic pair, and rolled his eyes. "That's a problem?" He got up from the sofa, sat down next to Suzaku and took the comb from him.

"No. It's not. And _hey_, why not let me try to do this?" He was pouting. Suzaku was actually pouting. Like some kid.

Lelouch rolled his eyes again as he started to, after giving Yume a few soothing words and placing her in his lap, gently brush through already curling brown hair. "You do it too harshly. Hair like this, " Lelouch smiled as he said that, " needs to be brushed gently."

"Hmm." Suzaku sighed and seemed to resign himself to just observing them. And Lelouch thought that this evening would be like all other peaceful evenings he'd spent with the two until Suzaku shifted closer. When Lelouch paused for a minute and turned to look at Suzaku, he could see green eyes staring attentively at him.

"What is it?" He didn't try to shift away again, although _those eyes, _for a second, made his stomach and throat tighten oddly_._ He had to be coming down with something.

Suzaku smiled. "You're good at taking care of people."

"I have a younger sister as I already told you." Lelouch shook his head, trying to ignore the painful feeling of homesickness wash over him as he thought of Nunnally. He hadn't spoken to her for two days. This had to be remedied.

"You must be a good brother," Suzaku said, his voice warm and affectionate, both emotions showing so clearly in that tone that Lelouch felt that odd sensation in his tummy and throat again. He really needed to go the doctor soon. And why was stupid Suzaku smiling so brightly?

_Whatever_. Lelouch put his arms around Yune, just then noticing she'd fallen asleep in his lap. Drool was already running down her mouth. He sighed, grabbing a tissue out of his pockets and wiped it away. Suzaku was also already at his side.

"Aww, she really likes you." He reached out for Yune, taking her in his arms. His hands brushed against Lelouch's as he did so. Lelouch looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"I'll take her to bed," Suzaku said as he got up, and smiled again. That stupid warm smile.

Lelouch got up on his feet as well. "I have to get going -" He really did. Schneizel was expecting him.

The look Suzaku gave him was a confused one. "Why? You could stay over, it wouldn't be a problem." He sounded earnest enough about that.

Still, Lelouch had made up his mind. "I have to. An important appointment."

"Okay." Suzaku was nodding, and Lelouch wondered why he wasn't smiling anymore. It had to be tiredness.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Genbu Kururugi was frowning deeply, and that was never a good sign. Suzaku sighed as he placed the tea on the table, already preparing himself for what was to come.

"You know, Suzaku, you shoudn't spend so much time with that man." His voice was grave and serious, but the only reaction that got was a 'huh' from Suzaku.

Which was rude. So Suzaku took a deep breath, trying not to roll his eyes or ask his father if he'd started taking some new form of medication. "I don't understand, father. Lelouch is a good person. You've met him more than once -"

"I know," Genbu said and frowned again. He took a sip from his cup. "It's just that I feel he's a bit … suspicious."

… Okay. "Suspicious? In what way?" Suzaku crossed his arms, waiting for the response to that. He hadn't bothered hiding his clear disapproval.

Something Genbu had noticed because he shot his son a rather displeased look. "He has never mentioned a girlfriend. Not even once."

Suzaku did roll his eyes this time. "Father, he's _twenty-three_."

"You are too," Genbu replied simply as if that explained everything.

"I got married at eighteen." Suzaku sighed as he took his cup. It was hot and steam was raising. "Euphy and me … we were both so incredibly young and crazy." But also incredibly in love and crazily happy.

Genbu's features softened. "Do you have any regrets that you married and became a father that quickly?"

"No," Suzaku answered immediately as he smiled wistfully. He was still holding the cup in his hands. "I wouldn't do anything differently if I had the chance. Maybe only …" Suzaku paused, the smile fading a little as he continued, "just asked for Euphy to live longer."

Genbu just nodded at that. "She was a lovely person." And the affection in his tone was not subdued, but very much there and _real._

"I know. And I'll always miss her. Always." Suzaku sighed and took a sip. "But I don't see what me and Euphy have to do with Lelouch being suspicious -"

"You see that's the problem," Genbu started, "he's not committed. He's still a loose young man with ideas that might bewitch-"

Suzaku did something he'd only very rarely done in his life: he interrupted his father, voice stern as he said, "No. I don't think so. I've seen how he acts around Yune, how his eyes light up whenever he talks of his family … he's nothing if not committed." Suzaku was surprised at the emotion in his voice, and knew that his father was rather thunderstruck by it too. And yet, even if he was, he didn't show it, just frowned more deeply.

"I didn't know you'd gotten so close." Genbu's tone was uncertain, and he suddenly looked very, very uncomfortable. "I'm sorry then if I said something that was out of line."

Suzaku shook his head. "It's not like that, father. I mean, he's a good friend, but I don't know everything about him. I just know he's not that type of person." He bit his lip as he found himself thinking that he wished he knew more about Lelouch.

…

The next morning when Lelouch arrived at the lab, he was so tired that he could barely even hold his pen. They were, as always, in the resting room, having both been the first to arrive. Yune was staying over at Kaguya's.

Suzaku frowned, noticing the bags under his eyes. "What happened?"

A deep sigh. "Couldn't sleep." He rubbed his eyes. "My brother's apartment is way too cramped, and his sofa is just -" He trailed off as if he shouldn't have just said that.

Suzaku frowned. "I thought you had an apartment?" Yes, he'd mentioned it very early on their acquaintance.

This was clearly an uncomfortable question for Lelouch because his eyes were narrowed strangely, and he refused to meet Suzaku's gaze. "No," he said quietly, "I got kicked out."

Suzaku didn't ask 'why'. Not because he didn't care, but because something else was bothering him more. Lelouch had been acting strangely for the past few days, evasive and somewhat resigned - and this clearly explained a few things. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to bother you, Suzaku." Lelouch was looking at him, his lips drawn to a tight line. Suzaku didn't like that expression one bit.

"You wouldn't have bothered me," Suzaku said, and reached out to touch Lelouch's shoulder, "you wouldn't bother me." No, the fact that Lelouch didn't confide in him bothered Suzaku, even though a part of his inner voice told he had no reason to be. Lelouch and he were friends, but that didn't mean Lelouch had to - Suzaku decided to close the lid on that subject. "We are friends, and friends are there for each other."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow, and Suzaku recognised that 'how old are you' look in that face. "What are you trying to tell me?" He sounded sceptical and involuntarily amused.

"That if you have no place to sleep in, you can always stay with us," Suzaku said, not hesitating or looking away. He wanted to say that Lelouch was welcome to stay over at any time, but didn't.

"Suzaku-" Lelouch started, doubt evidently on his tongue and glimmering in his eyes. Suzaku didn't like it at all.

"I said we were practically family once, didn't I?" Suzaku cut him off, his tone serious. "I meant that." Euphy would have welcomed Lelouch with open arms, and Suzaku didn't see why he couldn't either.

He didn't wait for Lelouch to reply as he got up and started putting on his lab coat. "I'm not saying you have to accept my offer, just saying you've got a place where you're always welcome."

Lelouch just looked at him, eyes wide for a second, before he smiled and nodded.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

"You found replacement quickly enough." Schneizel was seated beside his desk, book laid open as he watched Lelouch pack the few things he'd brought out of his suitcase. "Was it that _bad _here?"

Lelouch gave Schneizel a glare. "Two full grown men in sleeping in a room that is smaller than the attic back at home?" He rolled his eyes. As if that required any further explanation.

"It's not had bad, really. The place is quiet," Schneizel said as he turned over another page.

"For you alone, not." But not for them both. "The couch is -"

"I offered you the bed," Schneizel was sighing, "but you protested so much -" Another sigh, and he looked at Lelouch with mild indignation.

Lelouch paused, and cringed. "I refuse to share a bed with you." The last time he'd done that, he'd ended up on the floor. Schneizel was a terrible bed mate. _Really. _He finished putting his last shirt into the bag (neatly!), and zipped his bag shut.

The noise tore through the empty room like a gun explosion, or so it seemed because Schneizel clapped the book shut, and shifted on his seat. Now, he was facing Lelouch directly. "So where are you sleeping from now on?" It was a nonchalantly voiced question, but Lelouch could hear the concern there.

"At... Suzaku's." For a second, he'd considered saying 'Euphy's', but she wasn't there anymore.

Schneizel didn't move an inch, nor did his expression betray any surprise. "Interesting."

Eyebrow raised, Lelouch sat down on the bed, his back hurting from all the stress of packing. "Interesting, _why_?"

"Just interesting, and -" Schneizel smiled, not in mockery or amusement but what Lelouch could only interpret as genuine happiness, "good. You've actually made a good friend here. Even better that it's Euphy's husband."

Lelouch smiled back. "I didn't expect to get along that well with him." His smile only grew wider when he thought of being there this evening, part of him wondering why he'd made such a fuss about accepting Suzaku's offer.

… Clearly Schneizel was wondering about something too because his eyes were fixed on Lelouch keenly. "I know. I remember how _opposed _you were to the wedding." He didn't bother hiding the amusement.

Lelouch shook his head. "My opposition had nothing to do with Suzaku." No, he had thought that Euphy had been too young and inexperienced to get married. "Not that it mattered. Euphy was determined."

"I know," Schneizel said, chuckling, "and that is why you loved her so much, didn't you?"

Lelouch sighed deeply, a bittersweet feeling welling up his chest. "Yes. It must have been one of the things that drew Suzaku to her as well." Apart from her kindness, beauty and warmth.

"He still loves her, you think?"

Lelouch didn't even need to think about an answer. "Do you _stop _loving a person just because they are dead?"

When Schneizel didn't reply, Lelouch knew that the answer was clear. Not that there would have been much doubt in his eyes. After all, his mother hadn't stopped loving his father either, despite the fact that it had been years since his death.

(She still wore her wedding ring.)

O.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

"Suzaku, cooking doesn't just mean that you boil something!" Lelouch was crossing his arms, eyes narrowed dangerously as he surveyed the mess in the kitchen.

Damnit. "I just wanted to try for once!" Suzaku pouted. It wasn't fair that Lelouch was the one who _always _cooked. He took a spoon out of the drawers by his side, and tasted his work. Only to make a face.

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Told you so." He pushed Suzaku away from the stove, ignoring the 'hey' that Suzaku sent his way. "Here, let me fix _this_."

"... Forget it. We're eating out today," Suzaku said and dragged Lelouch out of the kitchen. Or, better said, pulled him by the wrist until Lelouch had no choice but to tag along.

When they were in the living room again, he was rubbing his wrist, a look of utter indignation etched onto his face. Suzaku didn't care. He looked … _cute_.

"What are you grinning like that for?" Lelouch really didn't sound all too pleased.

Suzaku knew it would not be wise to share his thought, so he just reached for the menu of a pizza restaurant that Cecile had given to him (they had good food, she'd told him!). "How about we order something with pasta? Yune would have loved a mini-"

"You don't order pizzas for children," Lelouch snapped, suddenly leaning over Suzaku and tearing the menu from his hands. "And, even if she's not here, doesn't mean you should indulge in such … _junk food_!"

Suzaku just blinked. "Lelouch, the last time I ordered takeout was … " He frowned. He couldn't remember. "Well, ever since you moved in here." He grabbed Lelouch's arm.

"And that's such a good thing. Really, I have no bloody idea what you two ate or how you ate before I started living here." He tried to wrestle free from Suzaku's grip, but it was to no avail. "Let go, damnit."

"Nope," Suzaku said, stupid grin on his face as he held onto Lelouch, "not until you let go of that menu."

Lelouch just struggled more as he rolled his eyes. "Childish-"

"Stubborn," Suzaku said in return, and that just seemed to spark Lelouch's anger more because he tugged more fiercely, which ended up being one huge mistake.

Because, somehow, that action - as Suzaku tried to pull forward again - made him fall right into Suzaku's lap, his forehead managing to bang against Suzaku's.

"Ouch. _Fuck_." Lelouch was rubbing his forehead with his free hand. He was gritting his teeth, slight groans of 'ah' pushing past his lips.

"Wow, I didn't know you could curse like that," Suzaku said, but he leaned closer. "You fine? I didn't mean to pull that hard." He realised then that he was still holding onto Lelouch's wrist, and he looked down at it, saw the now crumpled menu in that palm, but that wasn't what attracted his attention.

No, it was the fact that Lelouch's wrist was thin, delicate - birdlike against his own. And, as Suzaku looked up again into those brilliant eyes (_so beautifu_l), he also realised that he didn't feel Lelouch's weight at all, or - better said - it didn't bother him too much. That, in fact, he rather liked having Lelouch like this, seated on his lap the way Yune usually was.

Lelouch just looked at him. Then sighed. "Suzaku. _Let go_. It's starting to hurt."

"Ah, sorry!" Suzaku let go of Lelouch's wrist, but not before leaning down to rub it with his fingers and blowing down on it gently. He grinned. "Better now?" The look that Lelouch sent his way was a mixture of amusement and irritation. Not that Suzaku cared. "Want me to kiss it better?" And because that seemed like a grand idea, Suzaku actually did press his lips against Lelouch's wrist.

"You're an _idiot_," Lelouch said and rolled his eyes. "Really." And, placing a hand on Suzaku's knee and the other on the armrest of the couch, he was about to stand up -

Only to have Suzaku put his arms around him.

"_What_-?" Lelouch asked, surprise evident in his voice. And it was that, the startled indignation in that British voice, and the blush staining those pale cheeks that made it so _delicious_. Suzaku really couldn't help it, though he should have let go, though a part of him should have been disturbed that he was holding another man so intimately.

Laughing lightly, Suzaku loosened his grip a bit, but didn't let go. "You're so light. And your -" Suzaku let his hands wander down Lelouch's sides, reaching his waist, "god, your waist really is _tiny_." It really was, Suzaku marvelled. Tinier than his.

"God, _shut up._ I just am built that way -" Lelouch wasn't struggling, apparently having resigned himself to being held like this. "Not everyone is as well-toned as you are."

Suzaku laughed. _Well-toned_? He hadn't really properly exercised since high school. Climbing trees, running and cycling didn't count. "I am not insulting you. In fact, I think you look good - in fact, your girlfriend or ex-girlfriends must have told you the same?"

The look that Lelouch then gave him was strange: a cross between awkward, pained and … angry? "Stop talking nonsense," he said curtly.

"... what did I say?" Suzaku removed his hands from Lelouch's waist, and just gazed at him. "Saying that you look good is nothing to get angry or offended about." Irritation was beginning to gnaw at him too, especially because he just didn't get it. Sometimes Lelouch was just a fucking riddle he couldn't solve.

"I am not offended." But he wasn't meeting Suzaku's eyes, his black strands falling against his forehead.

"Then why are you acting like a jerk?" Suzaku asked, his tone making Lelouch raise his head. And his eyes were blazing again, appearing intense under the glow of the lamp burning above them.

"Forget it," Lelouch said as he pushed himself away from Suzaku's lap or attempted to again before Suzaku pulled him back down again.

"Tell me." Something was bothering Lelouch, and - whatever it was - he didn't want it to stand between them and sour the friendship they shared. "I won't judge, tell me." He rubbed Lelouch's shoulder soothingly.

An odd sound escaped Lelouch's throat, strangled and … it made Suzaku tremble. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. "I'm _gay_, Suzaku." Lelouch's eyes bored directly into Suzaku's while he uttered those words, letting them linger in the room, like a well-kept bird that had been finally let out of its cage.

For a second, all Suzaku could do was blink. And then he just let laughed. Really laughed.

"...So you think it's funny. _Bloody marvellous_." Lelouch tugged, trying to free himself from Suzaku's grip. "Fucking let go of me!"

Suzaku shook his head. "No, I don't think it's funny … and stay. You -" He took a deep breath, trying to sort out this thoughts before continuing. "I was just sort of out of it for a second. You surprised me there."

The frown on Lelouch's face made Suzaku let go, and take another deep breath. Lelouch was taking one as well. "Suzaku, what - " he hesitated, "what do you think of it?"

Suzaku could have teased him then and there, asked 'what - the gay part or you as a person?', but he didn't, realising that this was _important _for Lelouch. "It doesn't bother me," he said, looking directly at Lelouch as he did so. "It doesn't make me think any better or worse of you."

"... that's it?" Lelouch sounded so surprised that Suzaku wondered whether he'd said something wrong again.

He sighed. "Whom you sleep with doesn't matter to me. It just depends on what kind of person you are, Lelouch." And he smiled at that, warmth intermingling with his tone as he continued, "I believe you're a wonderful person."

"And you're awfully touchy-feely, Suzaku," Lelouch just said, shaking his head as if Suzaku were a kid that needed to be lectured. He did get up then, and settled down beside Suzaku.

"I just - sorry." Suzaku smiled. "You just make it so easy for people to tease you."

"Hmm, back at home, I have this friend called Milly who … ah, you don't want to hear about it!" Lelouch shook his head.

Suzaku grinned. "I do!"

"Forget it, _no_! You'll just tease me again!" Lelouch crossed his arms, and Suzaku just grinned more. Well, if Lelouch wasn't going to share, he would just tickle him -

And Lelouch was ticklish - very, especially when you rubbed his sides for too long. Through this haze of silliness, Suzaku did wonder why it was so easy for him to forget well, not forget what they'd just been discussing, but feel comfortable enough around Lelouch that it didn't place any burden on him. Then again, short of Lelouch being a terrorist or a murderer in disguise, Suzaku thought that nothing would have made him feel wary of Lelouch.

But that thought was pushed away as well when he heard the sound of Lelouch laughing, and tickled him some more because he _loved _it so much -

…

One question did linger in Suzaku's mind though. But it didn't make its appearance after some two or three weeks after Lelouch had told him about his preferences.

It was, incidentally, while Lelouch was trying to write a paper. Something that, for strange reasons, he always seemed to do in the living room and in the evening. Mostly when Suzaku was in a chatty mood. And usually when Yune was already asleep. Or over at Suzaku's family (this time it was Genbu -).

And this evening was quite normal so far until Suzaku asked, "What kind of guys do you go for?" Just like that.

Lelouch paused in his typing, hands actually resting on the keyboard as if they'd been zapped with some time-stopper. "... _Excuse me_?"

Leaning back against his chair, Suzaku chuckled lightly. "Are you really that oblivious when it comes to these matters or do you just pretend to be?" Because, honestly, there had been nothing veiled about that question.

"Speak like a normal person." Lelouch was back to typing again.

Okay. He really was oblivious. "You like men. Sexually." Suzaku coughed, flushing suddenly. God, this sounded so retarded. "Anyhow. I want to know what turns-eh, what you like in a man."

Lelouch stopped typing and just glared at Suzaku. "_This_ is a stupid question."

"Ooookay," Suzaku said, blinking, "what's strange about asking you what you find hot?"

"... Because it's stupid and shallow, certainly you didn't pick Euphy on an estimate of what you found hot. Please. You probably didn't have enough experience for _that _-"

"No, not really," Suzaku replied honestly, "but I did fantasise about girls before meeting her, and -" his voice fell a bit in volume, "certainly you have had fantasies about men." Then he smirked.

Because Lelouch made the sort of face he'd never made before - he'd looked indignant, offended, but never like _this_. He'd never blushed so hotly before. _Adorable_.

And he'd been rendered speechless. Suzaku smiled brightly. "Lelouch, there's no need to be shy about that -"

"_Shut up_," Lelouch replied through gritted teeth and actually stopped typing. In fact, he was shutting his laptop. "I'm going to take a shower."

Suzaku just shrugged and sighed loudly. "You really are no fun."

There was another 'hold your tongue' before Lelouch put the laptop away and headed for the stairs.

O.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Lelouch figured he'd behaved a bit like an arse after he finished with his shower. In many ways, it wasn't Suzaku's fault that he just didn't like talking about certain things. But when he came down to apologise, Suzaku was no longer in the living room.

So Lelouch checked out Suzaku's bedroom - a place he hadn't entered often, and he actually found himself standing in front of the door for a moment, hesitating to step inside. Suzaku had told him that he'd bought a new bed and even re-arranged the furniture after Euphy had died, but it still didn't seem right to -

"You don't have to be afraid; I won't ask you about what kind of men you like -" Suzaku's voice suddenly rang out, making Lelouch freeze, but he smiled then and entered. Suzaku was on the bed, still in his clothes and wearing - Lelouch noted - mismatched socks.

He rolled his eyes. "_Idiot_. I've already forgotten about that -"

Suzaku was chuckling. "Hmm. But you were so shocked."

"You look so innocent," Lelouch muttered, and then flushed abruptly. Right. This wasn't what you told another guy. Especially not your brother-in-law.

"Hmm. 'Innocent'. Lelouch, you keep forgetting I have a two-year-old _daughter_." Suzaku made a face, and then chuckled again. "But I've had people mistaking me for Yune's elder brother -" He trailed off thoughtfully.

Lelouch sat down on the bed, kicked off his slippers and then - taking a deep breath - lay down beside Suzaku. Suzaku didn't say anything, just smiled, and Lelouch felt the tightening feeling in his throat die down. Because Suzaku had shifted closer - not so close that their noses were brushing or that their feet touched, but close enough that Lelouch could see every single change of expression in Suzaku's face. He took a deep breath as he looked into Suzaku's bright, expressive eyes. "Suzaku, can I ask you a question?"

Suzaku frowned. "Yeah."

"Why did you and Euphy actually get married so quickly, and have a child that soon?" Lelouch had always wanted to know it, and hoped that Suzaku wouldn't get offended.

"She wasn't pregnant, if you wanted to know that," Suzaku didn't sound angry, and Lelouch looked into those green eyes as Suzaku continued, "and we were -"

"In love," Lelouch cut him off. "I know that. Euphy told me."

Suzaku just nodded, and bit his underlip. He sighed. "You know, I wasn't as … certain about it as Euphy was. Not at first."

"So you actually _had_ your doubts?" He had wondered about that; Suzaku struck him as a very responsible person, a stickler for rules even. Euphy hadn't ever surprised him with that; she'd been headstrong and stubborn as a child as well.

"Of course. Getting married with everyone frowning around you, and after dating for a year is rushed and immature. And risky," Suzaku said, his voice stern and all teacher-like.

Lelouch chuckled and shook his head. "Funny, and yet you did it."

Suzaku was frowning again, eyes narrowing as he said, "Are you asking me if I regret it? Father did the same a while ago - I said 'no'."

And yet, despite the affirmation there, Lelouch didn't quite buy it. "It's not about regrets. It's about why you'd rush into a commitment at so young an age." He'd told Euphy the latter part often enough, and what Suzaku told him next were the same words that Euphy had once tossed at him.

"Because Euphy believed we'd make it work, all of it - marriage, even having a kid." But Suzaku's tone wasn't convinced. In fact, there was an underlying sadness behind it that didn't quite fail to capture Lelouch's attention.

"Did it … work?" Lelouch asked carefully. He didn't want to push too far. He and Suzaku had gone a long way since that awkward meeting, but it didn't mean he could just say anything.

"Yes, but it wasn't easy, Lelouch. If you think I walked into all this expecting roses and sunshine, then you're mistaken." Again, Suzaku didn't sound angry. Just somewhat resigned and tired.

"Go on."

"Yune wasn't planned. We were both at college, and even had taken precautions, but -" Suzaku sighed, "when it happened, I had my misgivings, but Euphy was so happy and well, I didn't dissuade her -" His voice was quiet, and he shifted just a bit closer. As if searching for comfort.

"You shouldn't feel… guilty."

"Shouldn't I?" Suzaku's voice was vulnerable - so very, very vulnerable. Lelouch's heart clenched, deciding then and there that he didn't like that broken tone.

"You shouldn't feel guilty." _For Euphy's death_, but Lelouch wasn't going to say that. He was pretty Suzaku knew what he meant.

"But if we'd waited, maybe-"

Lelouch shook his head. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have predicted Euphy's death. No one could have." It had just happened, and Lelouch's hands trembled when he remembered how he'd first heard about it.

"Yeah, but I always wonder if I'm a good-"

"You _are _a good father," Lelouch finished for Suzaku, "don't worry. You're a good father. I'm sure you were a good husband too." He didn't have to add the latter part, but part of Lelouch felt that Suzaku needed to be assured of that too.

He reached out to grip Suzaku's hand, feeling the warmth of Suzaku's palm when it was returned. Suzaku's hands, he marvelled were bigger than his, but not by much. Just not as delicate as his, his fingers not as long and bony. "You've got nice hands."

Suzaku chuckled, and his eyes were bright. "So that's what you like in a man: _hands_."

"You _idiot_." But Lelouch wasn't angry, wasn't even frowning. "It's not really so much about the looks for me."

Suzaku gave him a look, and was smiling. "I don't buy it. You're such a neat freak. I don't think you're _that _uncaring about looks."

"Okay. My partner shouldn't be hideously obese or be pierced from head to toe …" Lelouch said, making a face. "But what I really like is someone who's kind, reliable and … whom I can trust."

"That's … sweet. So you're into long-term relationships?" But it wasn't a question; Suzaku looked at Lelouch with affection, so much affection that Lelouch found himself swallowing. Again, that stupid approaching flu.

Lelouch removed his hand from Suzaku's, starting to sit up. "It's late. I should go to bed."

"No, don't leave - I mean, " Suzaku flushed, "I don't want to be alone tonight." He sounded vulnerable again, and Lelouch sighed.

"Fine. But let me switch the lights off and change into -" He was cut off by Suzaku getting up. Then, the bedroom was bathed in darkness, and he heard the creaking of the bed as Suzaku crawled back in again.

"...Really." He rolled his eyes. "How can you expect me to -" He was interrupted again by a bed sheet being thrown around his body.

Suzaku was laughing. "I don't care. Am too tired to change. And …," he was kicking the bed sheets, "again, I really don't care."

"I can see _that_," Lelouch said, and let out a deep sigh. He could also see that Suzaku apparently had no problems whatsoever sharing a bed sheet with someone else. But he wasn't going to address this now. "You're really childish."

"And 'innocent' as you like to tell me," Suzaku added, laughing softly. "Believe me, I'm really not that as pure as you'd like to believe."

"Oh, I've already been convinced of that already," Lelouch said as he turned around, trying to settle into a comfortable position. He felt his eyes closing, the warmth of the bed and having someone else so close beside slowly making him drift away …

"You know, me and Euphy weren't afraid of sex -" Suzaku started, his tone a bit nostalgic.

Lelouch's eyes opened. "Please. Don't _even _start." The last thing he wanted to hear about before going to bed was Suzaku and Euphy's sex life. Because _awkward_. His cheeks were warming up for godamned sake!

"But -" Suzaku sounded like he didn't quite see what the problem was.

"One word, and I'm returning to my bed, _Suzaku_. Or do you and your _father _talk about your respective sex lives?" Lelouch was glad he wasn't facing Suzaku. He was bright red. But then again, it was dark in the room. _Still_.

Suzaku's tone was clearly amused when he said, "Actually, my father always thought that openness was important, so …" He coughed. "So I don't see why it's wrong to tell you about -"

"_Good night_, Suzaku." Lelouch pulled closed his eyes, and was eternally grateful when Suzaku just mumbled 'goodnight' in return. As teasing and playful as he could be, Suzaku knew when to stop, and that was something Lelouch was eternally grateful for.

…

Lelouch woke up some eight hours later, disorientated and with something warm - very, very _warm _- hugging him. The last time he'd woken up like this had been -

His eyes snapped open wider, and he found himself - the sunlight streaming in enough to make everything visible - coming face to face with Suzaku.

Who was asleep.

And had his arm thrown over Lelouch's neck.

His legs were all tangled up with Lelouch's.

Lelouch could feel Suzaku's breath on his cheek, hot against his skin. What was more was that, from being so close to him now, he could see that Suzaku had surprisingly long eyelashes, dark against tanned skin. Lelouch smiled before trying to free himself from Suzaku's grip.

It didn't work. "God, Suzaku -" Lelouch tried again. "Let go of me."

"...Mmm." Suzaku just shifted closer. That was it. Lelouch pinched him. _Hard_. Suzaku yelped, and his eyes flew open immediately. But he was still holding onto him. _Damnit_.

"What-you woke me up, Lelouch!" Suzaku threw him a nasty look, looking very much like a disgruntled boy.

"Because you were cuddling me to death!" _And you still are._

To his surprise, Suzaku just smiled and didn't pull away, but snuggled closer. "You're _warm_," he said and then rubbed his nose against Lelouch's. "And cute when you get angry." He was giggling, and felt so warm, so warm ...and Suzaku was still smiling, his fingertips trailing over Lelouch's cheek. "Really you are downright adorable."

This was … too close for comfort, and ridiculous. Lelouch just flushed, pushing Suzaku away. "_Idiot_." He got up, running his hands through his hair and threw a look at the alarm clock.

"Hmm. What time is it?" Suzaku asked, sitting up as well. His hair was a tangled mess of brown.

"Why? It's Saturday. No work or uni today." And Genbu would be bringing Yune along himself.

Suzaku smiled. "I'd like to go … hmm, about we do something fun?" He was evidently already envisioning something already because his eyes were wide with excitement.

"Define 'fun'," Lelouch said carefully. The last time Suzaku had dragged him off somewhere for 'fun', he'd ended up with a bruised knee because inner wall climbing really didn't fit his definition of leisure time.

"Hmm. Ice-skating? I know a good place -" Suzaku said, grinning at Lelouch.

Lelouch's answer was quick and resolute. "_No_." He'd been forced to ice skate as a child, and he bloody hated it.

And Suzaku's face fell. "But _why_? If you don't have skating shoes, you can borrow them there."

"I just don't want to." Lelouch crossed his arms, telling himself he would be strong and not give in. He wouldn't be swayed by Suzaku's puppy dog look.

But Suzaku was already looking at him like that, and pouting. "Okay, fine then. Then we'll spend the day playing chess or … watching another of those art house films you're so fond of." He tried sounding enthusiastic, but Lelouch could hear the lingering disappointment.

_Damnit_. He took a deep breath. "Okay. Fine. Let's go ice-skating."

He would not regret this.

0.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Suzaku had always liked ice skating. Even if there was no snow yet, the air was icy enough to blast into his cheeks as he drifted over the ice, feeling secure and confident.

Very much unlike Lelouch who was wobbling on the ice, holding himself against the railing. Suzaku hid his smile behind his hand as he moved up to him, shaking his head. "You really haven't done this for a while, huh?"

Lelouch shot him a dark look. "Since I've been thirteen." And then he nearly tripped, only managing to stay up because Suzaku got him. A _'fuck' _pushed its way past his lips.

Eyebrows raised, Suzaku held onto him until Lelouch was holding onto the railing again. "Language, Lelouch. I thought you Brits were fine gentleman and all."

"Of course. And we all drink tea." Lelouch huffed, and gave him another of those looks that Suzaku, by now, was supposed to depict indignation and mild outrage. But, really, the only thing it did to Suzaku was make him chuckle.

"You drink _tea_. Lots of it." Suzaku smiled. It was true. Ever since Lelouch had moved in, he found himself buying far more teabags than he had when he'd been alone. Even Euphy hadn't been as fond of tea as Lelouch was.

Lelouch smiled back. "But I'm not a gentleman?" His tone was challenging.

"You are … most of the time. But you can also be surprisingly ungentlemanly," Suzaku said, looking at Lelouch, taking in how flushed his cheeks were, and how lovely he looked like _this_. He found himself wishing that it would snow already, so he could see what snowdrops would look like when falling down on Lelouch's skin.

"Suzaku - why are you looking at me like that?" Lelouch was frowning, rubbing his cheek. "Something on my face?" His hands were red, and trembling slightly. Suzaku forgot all about answering that question. Not that he could have come up with anything without flushing or fishing for stupid excuses.

"_Silly_. You're not wearing gloves." Suzaku moved closer, taking Lelouch's hand into his and blowing onto it. "Give me your other hand." He didn't say that he would ensure that Lelouch wouldn't fall down again.

"Suzaku-" Lelouch's eyebrows were knitted together, but shook his head and gave Suzaku his other hand. "You're so strange."

"Why, strange?" Suzaku asked, as he gripped Lelouch's hands and folded his own over them. Lelouch's hands felt so cold, and Suzaku was resolved to warm them up. "I just want to help you."

"You're too kind to me," Lelouch said quietly, and Suzaku could hear the insecurity there. Lelouch was biting his under lip again. Something he always did, Suzaku had learnt by now, when he was feeling unsure about something.

He frowned. "Why do you doubt _me_, Lelouch?" Suzaku sighed, searching Lelouch's eyes for an answer. He didn't find an answer though, just found his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. Letting out another sigh, he clasped his hands tighter around Lelouch's. "You are my friend. And I care about you. I really _do_."

"And there you go again, saying such things. You childish … " Lelouch shook his head, and smiled - his eyes shining with warmth, and Suzaku found himself smiling back.

"_Idiot_?"

"No, I was going to say 'sentimental fool', but that works too," Lelouch said, laughing. "But no, in all earnestness, you're very … kind."

Suzaku knew that Lelouch meant it because there was warmth in his tone, and he was still smiling. And Suzaku found himself thinking that he couldn't recall when he'd last been this happy.

…

Suzaku had always loved Christmas. His father, having been born in Japan, didn't attribute the same emotional values to it as Suzaku did, but he had never tried to deflate his son's happiness for it either. He even tolerated Suzaku's hyperactivity during that season with the demeanour of a man who had fought many brave battles. Even when Suzaku spent hours contemplating the pros and cons of various gifts, whether or not to go sleighing if it snowed, and panicking over the prospect of having to spend Christmas dinner with his aunt and Kaguya.

This early December, however, while Lelouch was attending a meeting with the 'mysterious elder brother' as Suzaku liked to term it, Suzaku was running back and fro through the living room, freaking out (for once) over an event that didn't deal with Christmas. "It's Lelouch's birthday, and I really don't know what I should get him -" He was saying.

"I don't know why you don't just buy him a book," Genbu told Suzaku as he took a sip from his tea. Yune was at her grandfather's side, preoccupied with scribbling and tearing out the pages from a telephone book. Her father's behaviour wasn't perturbing her at all.

Suzaku sighed. "I don't have refined enough tastes for _that_." He paused in his walking. "Though … I could get him something like …"

"Try 'The Tales of Heike' - last time he told me he was interested in reading that." Genbu smiled, approval clearly ringing in his voice.

Suzaku smiled as well. "Yes, he like those things. Hmm. Though I bet he won't like my gift as much as that friend's who is coming to visit from London." His smile faded a bit at that.

"The one who attended the same school as he did?" Genbu asked, but his attention was focused on Yune who was showing him some of her artwork.

Suzaku sighed, now talking more to himself than anything else. "Yes, Gino Weinberg or something. Lelouch was … really excited when he heard he's coming over." No, that was wrong. It had actually been something between different - Suzaku recalled how strained Lelouch had sounded, how distant he'd been after he'd received that phone call.

Something wasn't right. He was sure of that. Lelouch hadn't mentioned Gino before, though he'd mentioned other friends, even talked about a 'Rivalz' he'd met at his current university, remarking how this Rivalz had an utter fascination for motorbikes. Something Suzaku had found interesting, being rather fond of them himself. Lelouch had rolled his eyes, but there had been a smile playing on his face.

Yes, Lelouch had to talked to him about his family and friends, but he'd never mentioned a 'Gino Weinberg'. Someone who had to be important if he had managed to make Lelouch's eyes so dull for a second, and Lelouch was gay -

At that moment, Yune threw the telephone book at him, and Suzaku's recollections were washed away as he rubbed his nose.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Gino was smiling brightly as Lelouch picked him up from the airport. "This is a bit like last time, isn't it?" He had a small bag slung over his shoulders and was, as per usual, dressed in bright clothes, and his hair was braided.

He looked _good_, and Lelouch couldn't deny that his heart jumped a bit as Gino pulled him into a tight hug, the familiar scent that was uniquely Gino enveloping him, reminding him of their days back at boarding school. When things had been simple and clear, when the only obstacle to their relationship had been to not get caught by the other pupils seeing them kiss underneath covers. He pulled away as soon as he could. "Last time you saw me off. I am greeting you now."

"Yes, say hello those American shores," Gino said, his eyes shining as he took in Lelouch's appearance. "You look good. Not a bit skinnier."

"... most people would be offended by that." Lelouch crossed his arms, but felt a small smile forming on his face despite himself.

"Well, I was worried you wouldn't be eating properly, given that this country's food most certainly doesn't meet your health standards -" Gino laughed, and pulled Lelouch into another hug, this time lifting Lelouch off his feet -

Who felt himself flushing properly. "Let go. This is -" Really. Gino hadn't changed at all. Not that Lelouch had expected him to.

"Why I'm just sweeping you off your feet," Gino said, but he put Lelouch down on his feet immediately. For a second, his expression grew serious as he leaned down to brush a loose strand away from Lelouch's face. "You're still light as always."

Lelouch felt a lump forming in his throat. "Right. We should head to see if your other luggage arrived -" He trailed off and turned around, not wanting to look at Gino right now.

"Yes, of course." Gino didn't sound different, and he walked behind with Lelouch with sure steps; a cloud of silence seemed to have descended on them, and Lelouch was glad about that because _this _wasn't any easier than it had been the last time he'd seen Gino.

Then again, he didn't know what he'd actually been expecting. A few months of distance weren't able to change the fact that he just didn't know where he and Gino stood.

In the end, he'd just managed to run away from the inevitable.

...

"So this where you live now?" Gino asked as the cab brought them to Suzaku's house. "Impressive." He took in the appearance of the house, eyes appreciatively glancing at the size.

Lelouch smiled. "Definitely better than the room I was so ungraciously thrown out of." He made a face.

"You told me it was _narrow_." Gino shook his head, turning his eyes on Lelouch. The bag was still hanging on his shoulders, and he was carrying two suitcases. Lelouch had offered to help, but he'd protested vehemently, which had ended up with Lelouch calling him 'a stubborn mule', and Gino laughing it all off.

"We should go in." Lelouch walked to the door, took the keys from his pockets and opened the door. He was grateful that he didn't have to look Gino now. "You can keep some of your things here -"

"No, it's fine. I don't want to be burden to this Suzaku guy you talked about," Gino said as he stepped in, still carrying his things. "Hmm, looks even better inside." He was humming as he leaned down and placed his things in a corner. "Lelouch, I'll leave these things here, is that okay?"

Lelouch shook his head. "Sure. Don't worry. Suzaku is not very particular about those kind of things." And he found himself smiling, thinking that Suzaku wouldn't even have minded to have Gino staying _here_. He hadn't asked though because Suzaku had already done too much for him.

"Sounds like he's a decent guy," Gino said as he took off shoes, waiting for Lelouch to finish hanging his coat on the hanger.

"He's very nice." Lelouch led him to the living room, motioning him to take a seat on the couch, sitting down opposite him. There was no need to ask for a drink; he knew that Gino would rather indulge in small talk first.

Gino was smiling at him, taking in the apartment with appreciation again. "I can see your handiwork here. It's spotlessly clean." He grinned as he looked down at the carpet, which didn't reveal a fleck of dust. "Really spotless."

"Well, if I live here for practically free, then I should do something," Lelouch said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Excuses, Lelouch. You just like cleaning up," Gino was laughing, and his eyes were twinkling with something that made Lelouch's stomach tighten, "you always cleaned up my apartment, every corner and cranny."

Lelouch couldn't help it, but he was smiling. "That's because your apartment always looked like a pig stall -" He looked at Gino, and shook his head. It was nearly too easy to slip into conversation like this. Maybe this was good ...

"Well, it didn't look like one when you were done with it - " Gino paused for a second, and licked his lips, "I admit I sometimes left it a mess just so I could have you sleep over at night .. because you always need a massage after doing so much work as you termed it -" He fell silent, and looked down on his hands.

And this was when Lelouch realised that, no, _this _wasn't any good because both he and Gino knew that the 'massages' had often turned into something else. He swallowed, and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "Gino, you shouldn't say-"

"That we had sex?" Gino asked then, looking up at Lelouch - his expression was uncharacteristically serious. "Just because we broke up, Lelouch, doesn't mean that the things we did, what we shared should become a taboo subject."

He was right. Of course, he was bloody right, but Lelouch still gripped his hands together so hard that he felt his fingernails pressing into his palms. "I know, but still. It hurts - it hurts when you say things so nonchalantly -"

As if they were still a couple, as if they hadn't agreed on having a 'break'.

Gino was frowning. "What do you want me to say then?" His eyes narrowed. "Do you want me to tell you that I think you're a bloody pansy for having to run away?"

It was like being slapped; Lelouch felt the oxygen leave his windpipe. Still, he had to talk, and talk he did. He even managed to let out a strangled laugh. "So this is what you really think of me."

Gino ran a hand through his hair, and gritted his teeth. "Fuck. I didn't mean to say it like this. But you just _left_, Lelouch before we could resolve things properly." A deep sound left his throat that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I guess … it's better than keeping silent," Lelouch replied, and was about to say more before he heard the jingling of keys on the door. "Gino, let's talk later. Suzaku is here."

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Suzaku kind of liked and hated Gino Weinberg. Right now, he was going for the latter.

"Yeah, we've known each other since school boarding days," Gino was saying in that nearly annoyingly cheerful tone of his, seated beside Lelouch. Too close for comfort because, while Suzaku often found himself this close, he never quite crossed the line (apart from that one time he'd teased Lelouch -). But Gino was placing an arm around Lelouch's shoulder, and one of his other hands was on Lelouch's knee. Like it belonged there. The worst was that Lelouch didn't seem too bothered by it, but was leaning into the touch. Or Suzaku was imagining it, but a part of him knew that Lelouch - prim and proper Lelouch - didn't just allow everyone to get so close to him.

"So you and Lelouch attended the same university?" Suzaku asked tentatively, deciding that it was time he looked at something _other _than Gino touching Lelouch.

"No, I went to Birkbeck, while Lelouch attended - pardon, attends - the University of London." Gino turned to Lelouch then, voice serious as he asked. "You do have the intention of returning, of course?"

The silence that then fell over the room was decidedly uncomfortable. Lelouch looked away from Gino, his eyes fixed on the ground, and Gino frowned. Suzaku caught a look of utter pain and hurt in Gino's eyes that made him flinch.

And, in order to save the situation, murmur, "How about we go out for a few drinks tomorrow? It _is _Lelouch's birthday and all." He didn't smile because that would have been ridiculous, fake and rude, but he tried to sound as light as possible.

The look that Lelouch sent his way was grateful.

O.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

"You really still can't hold your liquor, can you?" Gino was whispering into his ear on the next day while they were seated inside of the bar. It wasn't a dim affair like the Irish pubs Gino had used to drag him to, but it was pleasantly lighted, and no one was smoking. Lelouch doubted you even could smoke _here_. "You'll be so wrecked after this."

Lelouch shot Gino a death glare, and looked at Suzaku. He shook his head. "Don't laugh. I can see the chuckle you're trying to hide there, Suzaku." It was getting harder to talk, and he found himself burying his head in his hands, starting to feel dizzy.

"Sorry, I just - I just can't believe you're … hey, are you fine?" Suzaku's hand was on his forehead, and it was so warm, so _gentle_. The warm butterfly feeling was rising to his stomach again, and Lelouch found himself blaming the alcohol for this.

Lelouch shook his head. "I want to go … home." He really did. He was beginning to feel the alcohol dulling his senses, making him think things that were … He sighed. "I don't think I'll be able to think much clearer for long."

"You shouldn't - it's your twenty-fourth birthday … time to get buried in alcohol and forget all your woes," Gino said, clapping a hand against Lelouch's shoulder. He sounded more exuberant than usual, making Lelouch realise that he clearly wouldn't be very much sober for long either. Or something. He didn't know. Gino usually was pretty good at handling his drinks.

_Damn it. _"Shut up. Why don't you try to be more like Suzaku - " Lelouch said, and groaned. God, his head was spinning now. "He didn't drink anything."

Gino just sighed. "That's because he's a spoilsport - right, Suzaku?" He was grinning from ear to ear, and Suzaku just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"_Someone_ has to be sober." Suzaku was still touching Lelouch, comforting him. "I think it's time we left."

"Suzaku, he didn't have more than … one or two shots of -" Gino started, his voice sounding indignant. _Jealous_, Lelouch thought and wondered _why_.

"Which was enough for him. Besides, he _said _he wanted to go home, and you should respect that." Suzaku's response was sharp, and when Lelouch looked at him, he saw that Suzaku looked determined. Maybe even angered.

"Look, I've known him for years -" Gino did sound irritated now, and Lelouch frowned. He didn't like that sound at all, so he placed his hand against Gino's.

"No, don't fight. We can … celebrate some other time, okay?" Lelouch sighed in relief when Gino turned to him and nodded.

…

By the time they reached home, the world was spinning right round for Lelouch. Suzaku's living room was a topsy-turvy of colours, and Gino, who was holding onto him, keeping him on his feet, smelled like rain, soccer and _home_ - and it was nearly like those -

_(... stolen evenings on a rainy Sunday, when - them both having still been sixteen, had crawled under the bedsheets and read Wordsworth to each other out loud. Exchanging kisses every now and then -)_

"Ooops," Lelouch whispered or said (he wasn't sure) when he tripped against something, and found Gino's arms wrapping themselves tighter around him.

"Careful, watch your step." Gino's voice was gentle, and Lelouch sighed.

"Your fault. You said I should drink." He frowned. "Though didn't Suzaku suggest the whole drinking thing? So it's technically his fault ..." And speaking of that, where _was _Suzaku? He'd been trailing behind them … and now -"Say, do you know where …" But he didn't finish, tripping over something again.

Only this time, it made Gino fall down too, and so they landed on the floor, Gino on top of him, which alerted Lelouch to a few things:

That Gino didn't just smell good, but it felt good to have someone so close to him again. And that, reason and all be damned, he wanted -

"Gino," Lelouch found himself saying as he wrapped his arms around Gino's neck. "This is just like old times -" He clung even tighter now, but Gino was rising, pulling him up to his feet.

Both of them standing upright now, Gino placed his hands on Lelouch's shoulder, his expression serious. "Just _what _are you doing, Lelouch?"

Lelouch frowned. Was he doing something wrong. He tilted his head to the side. "What is the problem with this? We were," he walked closer to Gino, pulling him into an embrace, "close like this before."

And, maybe if he just allowed himself to fall again, they could be close as they had been before. Maybe, just maybe ...

(In the back of his mind, he knew it was wrong. Because you could never repair what just didn't want to forge together anymore.)

Lelouch just closed his eyes, not wanting to think anymore, pushing away all thoughts of 'this is wrong', and 'don't, don't' away.

What he couldn't push away though was the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. But that just had to be _paranoia_.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Suzaku knew he should have just walked away and … not _looked_, but he couldn't quite help it. He had been rather put off by things before, but now things were _clear_. He'd only gone up to his bedroom for a bit to phone Kaguya and ask how Yune was.

He hadn't quite expected a scene like _this _when returning.

Lelouch was pressing closely against Gino, his laughter muffled because his face was buried against the other man's neck.

Suzaku noticed that Gino looked a bit flustered, uncertain of what to do with his hands. "_Goddamnit_, Lelouch –"

"Hmm?" Lelouch pulled his face away from the crook of Gino's neck and he laughed again; he whispered something into Gino's ear, something that – Suzaku's eyes widened – made Gino wrap his arms around his waist. But then, Gino pulled away.

"Fuck, you're _drunk_ –"Gino sounded angry, confused, _desperate_, and Lelouch merely chuckled as he leaned forward.

"Didn't stop you before – well, but then … this is only the third or, um fourth time I've been drunk, and … oh to hell with it, I just want you to _do it_."

Gino laughed then, but it wasn't a happy laugh. "I know, Lelouch, _I know_. You're too bloody prim and proper to get wrecked." He rubbed Lelouch's arm soothingly. "Tomorrow, your head will be throbbing so hard, and you'll be back to your moody ways." Suzaku's heart clenched at that, at the familiarity Gino was using. It sounded like he knew Lelouch very, very well indeed (knew things Suzaku _didn't_).

"So … then, kiss me. Like you …" Lelouch trailed off for a second, his fingers burying themselves in Gino's chest. "Kiss me like you did before we … before I left for this place. Before –" He didn't finish, but it wasn't necessary; Suzaku had never heard him sound more demanding and passionate.

Gino did kiss Lelouch then, and Suzaku had to force himself to be silent. This was it, the final confirmation that he needed. Lelouch had been or still was in a relationship with that Gino guy.

And he was wondering what hurt more: that Lelouch hadn't told him about _that_, or that he had to had to see _this _-

Looking at them like this, Suzaku knew that they done it before: the way their bodies pressed against each other, the way Gino held onto Lelouch so naturally, with so much ease, and how Lelouch allowed it … it all spoke of trust and affection. Something that he was familiar with, Suzaku thought with a heavy heart, because he and Euphy had -

But Lelouch pulled away. "This feels wrong. Fucking hell. It feels wrong. Why does it feel … so _empty_?" He stood on his tiptoes yet again, leaning forward to kiss Gino, but the other stopped him halfway, holding onto his wrist.

"Stop it. Lelouch, just … stop it. Don't force yourself," Gino said, his voice void of any emotion as he turned them around, pushing Lelouch against the wall. "You don't have to try … anymore." But his hands were still holding onto Lelouch's waist, less tightly now though.

"... Maybe it's just the distan-" Lelouch started, but Gino cut him off by kissing his forehead.

"No, we just don't love each like this anymore." But the way he said it, the way his voice had broken at the 'we' made Suzaku think that it wasn't quite the case. At least not for Gino. And he couldn't help but feel sad for him.

Lelouch was trembling, hugging Gino tightly. "I am so sorry. I - really wished -"

"_Shh_. It's fine." And Gino was just holding onto Lelouch now, rubbing his back soothingly. For a few long moments, they just remained like this, Lelouch breathing heavily, and Suzaku was about to turn around and go back to this room when Gino spoke.

"You don't have to leave, Suzaku," Gino said as he walked forward and placed a sleeping Lelouch into Suzaku's arms. Despite his surprise, Suzaku wrapped his arms around Lelouch instinctively.

"I knew you were watching us." Gino was leaning against the wall now, watching Suzaku with a hint of amusement. "You're not very good at hiding."

Suzaku flushed hotly. "I –" He stopped. How could he explain _this_? "What about Lelouch?" Right, this was the important thing to ask.

"Carry him to bed. I don't trust myself with him." Gino was running a hand through his hair, not meeting Suzaku's eyes. "_Look_, I had something to drink myself -" He waved his hand and leaned further against the wall. "I'll … go and make myself comfortable on the couch. If I may..."

Suzaku just nodded as he pulled Lelouch closer, and walked up the stairs.

Lelouch was light. Suzaku had always known that. But he seemed lighter tonight as he carried him to _his _bedroom. This time, Lelouch couldn't protest, and Suzaku smiled as he tucked him in. He pressed a kiss against Lelouch's forehead before walking back down to the living room.

…

The couch in the living room wasn't big enough to accommodate a tall man like Gino; he was shifting and turning on it.

"You can sleep in the guest bedroom," Suzaku said, taking pity on him. "No point in you suffering here." He didn't add that Lelouch was sleeping in his room. And he didn't really feel like talking much to Gino, so he muttered a goodnight and started to turn around.

"Wait."

Suzaku fixed his eyes on Gino's, halting in his steps. "...Yes?"

"You should tell him about your feelings," Gino said, his voice devoid of its usual playfulness.

"How did you know?" Suzaku didn't think he'd been that _obvious_.

"Don't mistake my general cheerfulness for stupidity, Suzaku," Gino said, his blue eyes fixed directly on Suzaku's. "I've seen the way you look at him, the way you smile at him when you think he isn't looking, and … if that wasn't enough to confirm my suspicions the fact that you look like you want to kill me right now is enough." He chuckled.

A horrible suspicion nestled itself in Suzaku's brain. "Wait. You _staged _this whole thing?" He asked very carefully, trying to keep the fury out of his voice. "Did you allow Lelouch to … act like this, just so you could confirm things?" He'd never seen Lelouch so desperate and upset before, and if Gino had used it to his advantage … Suzaku found himself clenching his hand, his body shaking …

"_Hardly_. I'm not that kind of jerk, and …" Gino spoke with a gentleness that abated Suzaku's fury, "I want Lelouch to be happy ...even if it's without me." And the look in his eyes was no longer amused, no longer anything but just resigned.

So much that even if Suzaku didn't like this, he still felt that it wasn't right. "You shouldn't give up like this -"

Gino shook his head. "It's over. I already knew it was over when he left, but … today just made it clearer." His voice was laced with sadness, but firm. "Besides, I wouldn't want to get in the way between you and him -"

"There's nothing between us. He … doesn't even suspect that I …" Suzaku just sighed, not knowing why he was telling a stranger all of _this_. He hadn't even really confronted his feelings before this, just silently aware of them.

For Gino the answer seemed simple enough because he just shrugged his shoulders. "So you should tell him."

"To get rejected?" Gino didn't understand that there was the Euphy issue, that while Suzaku himself knew and understood that Euphy would have wanted him to be happy, Lelouch himself most likely would see things differently. "I don't think it's ever entered his mind that I could see him as something different than Euphy's cousin."

"So let him _know_. Lelouch is a genius, very much so, but …" Gino smiled wistfully, "when it comes to love, he doesn't really grasp things until you confront him with it directly. _I _should know." Again, there was that note of familiarity in his voice that struck a chord in Suzaku. Gino knew Lelouch, and … Suzaku felt that he really knew nothing about Lelouch at all.

Suzaku stood there uncomfortably. "Gino... I really -" He hesitated.

A wave of Gino's hand cut him off. "Don't apologise. It's not your fault. Lelouch and I … we had a good relationship; we have a _good _friendship. Just because the fire died between us doesn't mean I have to stop caring about him, but … it also means that I have to know when to let go."

"I guess … if that's what you both think," Suzaku just said, not quite sure what Lelouch _thought _about this. "You and Lelouch should talk things out."

Gino just nodded. "After _this_? Of course. Don't worry, will do." He smiled, and - even if it was a tentative smile - Suzaku felt reassured by it. Something told him that Gino would not brush this issue beneath the proverbial carpet.

"Okay. I should go to sleep then," Suzaku said and was about to turn around when Gino spoke _again_.

"Oh before you go, let me tell you something about Lelouch …" Gino was saying, his voice lighter now, carrying a bit of that joviality that Suzaku had grown to associate with him already.

Suzaku just paused, waiting for Gino to speak. And boy did he _regret _it.

"Lelouch really likes it when you kiss, lick or whisper against his earlobe, especially during sex … and he might not admit to it, but he likes it when you -"

Suzaku held out his hand. "_Don't_. Just don't." He'd never understood why Lelouch had felt bothered about his being so licentious with details before, but now he did. "I kind of don't want to hear it."

"Why? I'm giving you pointers." Gino was pouting, looking earnestly regretful.

But Suzaku wasn't going to be fooled by _that_. "I'm going to bed."

"With Lelouch?"

"_No_," Suzaku said, and actually settled down on the couch himself, it accompanying him quite well because he wasn't as tall as Gino. "_Goodnight_."

And, if Gino was surprised by that, he didn't say anything, and Suzaku was grateful for that. Enough that his misgivings faded over the next few days and that, when Gino left for London again, he could genuinely say that he liked him, and looked forward to welcoming him as a friend the next time.

Even if he had a feeling that neither he nor Lelouch wouldn't be seeing him for a while.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning(s): **UST finally crossing into romance. Even I got _frustrated _at the level of UST in this fic. There's some heavy (?) content in this chapter, straddling the line between smut and non-smut. Another behemoth of a chapter. More typos and possible missing words, since from now on, self-edited.

Again thanks for all the support :)

* * *

_Spring_

By the time March rolled on, Christmas already seemed like ages ago. Slowly, but surely the frosty days of winter, where you could see your own breath coiling like a snake upwards into the direction of the sky, marched on, giving way to less cooler days with melting snow that turned into slosh whenever you tread on it, and the promise of warmer days hovering in the air. The trees were still bare, but the first spurts of green could be seen here and there.

At least, Lelouch thought so, and he couldn't deny that he felt rejuvenated, enough that he didn't even mind being outdoors now. Didn't even mind that Suzaku had dragged him off to the park. Didn't mind that Suzaku was -

"_What_?" Lelouch snapped, turning around after he'd felt Suzaku tapping him on the shoulder for the past few minutes.

"You think too much," Suzaku said as a way of an answer, smiling brightly. "I didn't take you here so you could be solemn and grave."

Lelouch wrinkled his nose. "Solemn and grave? Do you realise how silly that sounds?" Shakespeare had to be turning in his own grave. He folded his arms. "Besides, I was just-"

"Lost in thought, I know," Suzaku finished for him as he grabbed Lelouch by the hand.

Lelouch didn't try to do anything about it; he'd grown used to Suzaku touching him in places by now. In a way even, he liked it because Suzaku's hand was warm - warmer than his own. In a fleeting second of sentimentality, Lelouch found himself thinking how he wished Suzaku would never let go.

"I just … I guess I've just had a lot to think about lately," Lelouch said as Suzaku led him to a bench, and they both sat down on it. A tree with no leaves offered them no shade from a sun obscured by clouds.

"About Gino?" Suzaku wasn't looking at him, his gaze trained on something in the distance - and Lelouch wondered what he was looking at, noting that, apart from a vision of grey buildings and winding roads, there was nothing to see.

He felt his shoulders slumping. "I can't deny that he was a part of my thoughts. He called me yesterday." Lelouch rubbed his hands together, a weird chill spreading over his body.

Suzaku just nodded. "...Did he sound fine?" He was looking at Lelouch again, his green eyes revealing genuine concern. A light breeze sifted over them, bringing a mild gust of coldness along with it.

"He did." That was the truth. Gino had sounded as cheerful as always. "He has found a job at a publishing company."

Suzaku smiled. "That sounds good. Considering the current economic situation and all."

"You mean how everything, according to the _zeitgeist _of our modern society, is going to the dogs?" Lelouch felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and inspected his hands. They were a bit reddened from all the previous rubbing.

A grin was spreading over Suzaku's lips. "I wouldn't have put it like that, but … _yes_." He frowned all of a sudden. "But that wasn't what I wanted to know … I meant, is he fine …?"

Lelouch sighed. "I don't know, Suzaku. The thing with Gino - he might smile a lot, but you never know what a person hides underneath a smile." Gino had reassured him that he'd been fine when they had parted, but Lelouch couldn't pretend that he hadn't seen the slightly dull look in his eyes.

His eyes widened when he felt a warm hand gripping his own, the touch breaking him out of his reverie. "Suzaku-?"

"It's not your fault. Just give him time, I think. Both of you need time," Suzaku said, his eyes gentle and reassuring - just as reassuring as the touch of his hand.

"Sorry," Lelouch mumbled, hating how he was laying his weaknesses bare before Suzaku like this, "I just … Gino is the only person I've ever been with." He had never told Suzaku before about this, but maybe this would make things a bit clearer.

Suzaku didn't seem too surprised; he acknowledged it with a nod of his head, and his hand just squeezed Lelouch's tighter. "I'm sorry I can't offer better consolation then. Euphy was the only person I was ever involved with as well."

"Then we're both in the same lot … only that you didn't have to feel guilty because you loved, but never apparently not enough – not like me..." Lelouch trailed off, not sure that Suzaku would understand. He let go of Suzaku's hand.

To his surprise, Suzaku frowned. "I don't think you should say things like that. You shouldn't feel bad about things you can't control."

Lelouch sighed loudly. "You say it so easily."

"I know it isn't. But it doesn't mean you should keep holding yourself responsible," Suzaku said, offering Lelouch a small smile.

For a second, Lelouch just stared at Suzaku, and that reassuring smile on his face. He shook his head. "You make it sound like I have a habit of blaming myself for things." Lelouch didn't think that he was the type to ponder over things for too long.

Suzaku laughed. "I don't think you do. In fact, I think you rarely reflect on your own actions."

"So you're saying I'm arrogant -" Lelouch said, not sure if he was supposed to feel offended or amused, "or thoughtless, reckless and careless. _Charming_."

Suzaku frowned again, his eyebrows knitting together. "None of that. I just don't think you really spend much time thinking about others - _ah_," Suzaku suddenly stopped talking, and ran his hands through his hair in evident frustration. He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm really not good at this."

"No, but -" Lelouch moved closer, and smiled, "you're a good friend, and your earnestness is much appreciated."

And then something strange happened that made Lelouch think that his imagination was playing tricks on him: under that bare tree, with the cold wind hovering above their heads, Suzaku's cheeks reddened a bit, and he moved closer so that their shoulders were really touching this time.

Lelouch chose not to interpret this any further.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

"It's really _adorable_," Kaguya announced out of the blue over the table. They were currently in her room, not the girlish pink and light blue that one would have expected of a girl with her small frame and bright, shining green eyes, but more of an elegant white and blue. Simple furniture that demonstrated grace and elegance - neither being too dull nor cheap-looking. Suzaku had to admit that he liked coming over. Sometimes.

This was not one of those times.

Suzaku just blinked "..._What_ is?" His outfit? (A light green T-shirt, blue jeans, and a navy-blue jacket). His hair? (The same curls as always). He looked at Kaguya, and the wide smile on her face. "You need to be clearer."

"You're being head over heels in love with Euphy's cousin is adorable," Kaguya said, folding her arms as if this were most delightful news indeed.

Suzaku nearly choked on his tea. "-Excuse me …?" It had cost him all his nerves not to blurt out 'what the fuck are you talking about?'. He closed his eyes, counted until ten and then opened them again. "I think you are sourly mistaken."

"Oh come on. You let him _live _with you -" Kaguya started, eyeing him with amusement. "I don't know whether I'm really all that mistaken -"

Suzaku sighed. "I let him live with me because he's a _friend_, and had nowhere else to go." And because Suzaku wanted him to be there, but that wasn't something he would admit out loud to Kaguya.

"Hmm. You also have Yune sleep over here often lately -" Kaguya grinned at him, giving him a playful wink, which made Suzaku roll his eyes. _Really_.

"So she can spend time with _you_. And she sleeps over at my father's often too." He picked his teacup up again, and sipped from it. "Besides, it's not like it's any less often now than it was before." But he did wonder, whether he was neglecting his daughter. He frowned, but decided to push that uncomfortable thought away for now.

"That and you look happier lately," Kaguya said, smiling gently, her eyes shining. "It must be nice, having a lover -"

"... There's _nothing _between us," Suzaku replied immediately, wishing he'd just stayed at home with Lelouch and Yune. They, at least, wouldn't have spoken about lovers.

Kaguya's smile faded. "You mean, you haven't been doing anything?"

"... Why are you so eager to know whether I've done 'something'?" Suzaku paused, shaking his head. "On further thought, don't answer that question." He knew that Kaguya's mind often travelled to places that were inappropriate for a girl her age … he sighed. Again, he was forgetting that Kaguya was already twenty.

"Is it because of Euphy?" Kaguya asked, her expression serious, and Suzaku thought that it was only at times like these that she really looked her age. "You do know that you're not betraying her by daring to _love _again, right?" The undertone of 'she would have wanted you to do so' was apparent.

Suzaku didn't even have to consider his answer for a moment. "_No_. I know I'm not betraying her. I loved her - I always will. Lelouch is not a replacement nor a substitute - ." He placed his cup down, and pressed his palms against the edge of his seat. He understood it all in his head, but putting this into words really wasn't easy.

"You mean that you can't love him the way you did Euphy -" Kaguya said, cocking her head to the side.

"... It's not 'can't. It's just different because -" Suzaku sighed. "Euphy was Euphy. Lelouch is just … Lelouch. And I … " He gritted his teeth in frustration. "It's different, and yet the same - I don't love Lelouch any less than I did Euphy, and don't love Lelouch les -forget it, I don't think you'll be able to understand."

But Kaguya did. She was smiling. "I see. As I said, _adorable_." And Suzaku thought that the only thing that didn't have him rushing out of the room in embarrassment right now was the fact that Kaguya wasn't pinching his cheeks.

"I'm glad you think my inability to talk is _adorable_," Suzaku replied after he'd composed himself enough to be able to look her into the eyes. He was fine now, not embarrassed until -

- she _did _lean forward and pinch his cheeks. "Oh Suzaku, you're so cute. Really," she smiled warmly, and sank back down onto her seat, "doesn't he tell you so too?" She looked at him expectantly. When he didn't answer, she kicked him under the table. "Come on, he must say _something_. I can't believe that he's _not _showing some interest in you -"

Suzaku shot her a dark look, and groaned. "I don't see why I should tell you." He didn't ask her what kind of boys she dated … though, admittedly, he had no problem with teasing her about it. _Anyhow_.

"Because I can," Kaguya started slowly, smiling sweetly, "make your life very uncomfortable if you don't?"

And Suzaku didn't doubt her words; he knew her well enough for that. He sighed, meeting her triumphant gaze. "Fine. You win."

"So then, tell me, does he flirt with you?" Kaguya was sitting up straight, eyes alert and waiting. Suzaku was nearly sorry that he was going to have to disappoint her.

"He doesn't. He treats me like a friend," Suzaku said, shrugging his shoulders. "He calls me childish a lot though." He smiled, tilting his head to the side. "I doubt that's what you'd call 'flirting'."

"So he's straight." Kaguya let out a huff. "How _disappointing_."

"Actually," Suzaku hesitated, not sure if he should share such private information with Kaguya, "he's gay. He told me so, and … well, the friend who visited him a while ago … ah, never mind." She didn't have to know any of _that_. "He's just not interested in _me_."

"But if he's … " Kaguya looked at him for a second, frowning. "Have you told him anything?"

Suzaku shook his head.

"Have you been dropping him any hints?"

Suzaku had to think about that, letting a few of his recent encounters with Lelouch pass through his mind. Reaching a conclusion, he shook his head. "No, I just act the same way as I always do. Mostly." He couldn't deny that he might have blushed the one time or the other. Something he couldn't quite avoid when Lelouch smiled at him or touched his hand - Suzaku smiled, his eyes gaining a faraway look as he recalled those few incidents when Lelouch had done all that...

Kaguya's voice brought him back to the present. "You're an _idiot_, really. You like him so much, and yet don't say a thing."

Suzaku rolled his eyes. "I said I was fine with us just being friends." If his heart skipped a bit faster when he was around Lelouch, then it was something he just had to deal with.

_Bam_. Kaguya slammed her fist down at the table, making the teacups clatter. Suzaku just blinked at her. "_Boring_. Why be 'friends' if you could aim for something more?"

Right. Sometimes Suzaku wondered how he could be related to this crazy woman. "Kaguya, I'm not going to make things awkward between us if he's not interested."

Kaguya just stared at him, as if he were some interesting specimen in the zoo. "How do you expect him to be interested if you don't show your feelings?" She rolled her eyes. "Or do you think you and Euphy would have ended up together if you'd kept all silent about it?"

… This wasn't fair. "It's different than when I was with Euphy," Suzaku said, inspecting his hands. With Euphy, things had just gone so … simply. "Around Lelouch, I just … I never know what he really thinks of me." And he and Lelouch weren't teenagers anymore, but adults with their own obligations and duties. "Don't forget that I'm a father."

"You think Lelouch has a problem with that?" Kaguya asked, her expression concerned. "Or that you were with Euphy before?"

Suzaku's shoulders slumped. "I don't know. I just don't know. Look, with Euphy, I just never hesi-"

He was interrupted by Kaguya immediately. "You hesitated a lot. She confessed to you first, if I recall. In fact, I remember a lot of rubbish from your side on how you weren't 'worthy' and all that." She smiled wistfully, and Suzaku had to do so too, remembering all too well how he'd fumbled, and how it had only been Euphy's gentleness that had given him the courage to woo her (he'd loved her so much, oh so much -)

And it was the memory of Euphy that made him think of Lelouch then, how different he was, and, yet, how despite all the differences, he also felt that warm, giddy feeling rushing up his spine, and it was affection and warmth seeping into his voice as he said, "Lelouch is reserved when you meet him at first, but he does care. And he -"

Kaguya held out her hand. "Don't say anymore … I'll judge for myself."

"You'll … what?" He hoped it wasn't what he thought it sounded like.

"I want to meet him. This 'Lelouch' of _yours_. Your father says that he's a serious and slightly arrogant young man," Kaguya said, getting up from her seat, already walking to her wardrobe, opening it and grabbing a nice sweater for herself. "But your father is too strict, so how about we go to your place now?"

And, of course, _this _had been the very thing Suzaku had feared. "If you like." Suzaku couldn't say 'no', even though he wasn't quite sure if this was such a good idea. He got up himself, and started collecting the cups and dishes. Not only because it was gentlemanly to help, but because it helped him get a better grip on himself, and of what was to come.

He wished he could have thought of an excuse not to go.

Then again, he just knew that any objections on his part would have ended with Kaguya making his life more difficult than it already was.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Yune was asleep by the time Suzaku returned home. Lelouch had allowed her to doze off on his bed, while reading aloud from a nursery book that he'd found halfway endurable. He'd gone downstairs then to do some obligatory reading for university, his concentration only coming to a screeching halt when he heard the turning of the door knob, and the sound of shoes padding on the floor.

_Green eyes_ was the first thing that gave Lelouch a hint as to who the petite, dark-haired girl was at Suzaku's side. She had to be his relative.

Suzaku's smile was a bit strained as he spoke. "Lelouch, this is my cousin, Kaguya Sumeragi." His voice sounded strained too, but Lelouch brushed it off. Suzaku hadn't been sleeping well lately because Yune had come down with a cold, and it had actually cost all of Lelouch's persuasive powers to make him go visit his cousin. Again, he didn't fail to capture Suzaku's worried glance, and this made him tell Suzaku, quietly, that Yune was upstairs, resting.

"Pleased to meet you too, Mr Lamperouge!" Kagyua was saying, holding out a small hand, which Lelouch gladly accepted. It was warm, just like Suzaku's, though also colder, softer and less calloused.

She was also just as polite as Suzaku. "Lelouch is fine." He put on one of his best polite smiles while Suzaku rushed upstairs to check on Yune. Lelouch smiled at that; Suzaku really was a good father. But he had no time to think about that right now, and settled on focusing on the girl in front of him.

She was smiling brightly, yet again making the family resemblance clear, and nodded. "Lelouch then. You can call me Kaguya."

"Kaguya," Lelouch said, careful to pronounce the name properly. "The Goddess of -?"

"Victory." She laughed softly. "Suzaku, Genbu … our family has quite the fondness for traditional names."

"Well, it's better than," Lelouch replied, listing off casually, "Clovis, Schneizel, Odysseus, and suchlike. I can't say I hate my own name though." And he felt a strange lump forming in his throat. Apart from 'Schneizel', he really had no connection to any of those people. And he'd purposely left out 'Euphemia'.

"Hmm, well, all families have their quirks," Kaguya said and walked into the living room, moving with a grace that quite astounded Lelouch. Quite different from Suzaku, after all. Suzaku was athletic and full of energy, but nowhere near _that _graceful. She sat down on the couch, smoothing down her knee-length skirt with an effortless elegance that would have pleased The Queen herself.

Lelouch followed her, but didn't sit down on the couch yet. "Would you like some tea?"

She looked at him, eyes widening. "I thought it was Suzaku's job to play the role of the host." She smiled. "Though I wouldn't be adverse to having a cup, thanks."

Lelouch nodded, not bothering to say that Suzaku couldn't play the host because he was busy. It wouldn't be another twenty minutes, probably, till he would come down. Lelouch knew him that well by now, he thought as he traced those familiar steps to the kitchen in order to set up the water needed for a good cup of proper _English _tea.

And he was right. Suzaku didn't come down for another twenty minutes. During that time, Lelouch learnt two things about Kaguya, namely that she was elegant and dainty, and that she liked teasing Suzaku a lot - 'cats love biting him' being one of the highlights.

She didn't stop teasing Suzaku when he returned in person, actually saying even worse things ('_you like bug sunglasses_' and '_you cry during sad endings_'). And Lelouch - he really had to bite back a laugh or two when he saw how Suzaku, in the course of one hour, blushed beet red in the face twice, muttered to himself, and finally crossed his arms and pouted. _Adorable. _

Kaguya seemed to think so too because she actually leaned forward and ruffled his hair. Once. And Lelouch laughed then in such an unrestrained way that it surprised himself. But he didn't hold a hand over his face too immersed in observing Suzaku's profile. It wasn't like he hadn't seen Suzaku's face before, but Lelouch still couldn't help noticing little details, like the fact that he had long eyelashes, and that his lower lip protruded a bit forward when he was upset.

Unfortunately, it was then that Suzaku chose to look at him, immediately picking up Lelouch's rather intense staring."What is it, Lelouch?" The light was doing strange things because Suzaku's eyes appeared especially vibrant today.

And it was Lelouch's turn to _nearly _flush now. "Nothing. Nothing at all." He couldn't tell Suzaku that he thought he was adorable. Not appropriate. Especially not in the presence of his cousin.

Suzaku, thankfully, was hindered from giving an answer by Kaguya's announcing that she had to go home. Lelouch felt relieved; he'd been saved from a potentially awkward exchange.

It was troubling though, Lelouch thought, how Kaguya was looking at him, a certain glint shining in her eyes that he wasn't quite sure spelt anything good. It looked as if she'd found out something about him.

_Right_. He was just being stupid, wasting too much time on unnecessary reflections.

When Suzaku left to escort Kaguya home, Lelouch resolved to spend time on more important matters. Like looking after Yune. Suzaku hadn't explicitly asked him to do so, but Lelouch knew that it would be appreciated.

…

The first thing that Kaguya said when the door shut closed behind them was, "Suzaku, he's _gorgeous_." And Suzaku believed her because her hands were folded together as if in a prayer, and her eyes were shining. "Such pale skin, such beautiful hair, and those _eyes _-" She sighed. "He's just as beautiful as Euphy was." There was a slight note of solemnity in her tone, and Suzaku felt that familiar stab of pain rising within him. He didn't think it would ever quite go away.

"Yes, she was very beautiful," he said quietly, not just meaning her appearance, and he looked up at the sky: no stars. He sighed. "He is too, of course -"

"Very," Kaguya continued for him, and reached for his hand. "I must say you're really lucky that you always get to meet such beautiful people." She sounded a bit envious, and Suzaku gave her a glare.

"Don't tell me you're crushing on him now." He lowered his voice. "He's _gay_, so it would be pointless to try to pursue him." He tried to hide back a chuckle or two, recalling a few incidents in the past when Kaguya had gone after boys who'd been less than interested in her. "Unless you're aiming for heartbreak," Suzaku added jokingly.

Kaguya's eyes narrowed, and she crossed her arms, bearing a stern look on her face. "You must really think very lowly of me if you think I'd go after someone who as good as belongs to you." She shook her head.

"... Lelouch doesn't 'belong' to me," Suzaku said, not quite sure what Kaguya's fascination was with always having people 'belong' to someone. As far as he was concerned, people only belonged to themselves ...

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Kaguya said, and walked up to Suzaku as he opened the door of the car for her. "I admit he's difficult to read because he's so closed off, but … he likes you a lot."

Suzaku ran a hand through his hair; this wasn't anything new. "I know he likes me. As a _friend_." A close friend even.

"And, yet, he looks at you in such a way that friends don't. He _reacts _to you." Kaguya still hadn't closed the door and was looking at him pointedly.

"_-Reacts_?" The only thing Suzaku could think of was that Lelouch no longer stiffened around him. And there had been that one incident he'd flushed so heavily when Suzaku had pulled him into his lap … but that had been because Lelouch just wasn't so comfortable with people touching him, right? "I think you are reading too much into things."

To his surprise, Kaguya sighed. "Maybe, but it doesn't mean that it's not worth a try -"

Suzaku just stared at her. "Worth trying _what_?" He hoped she didn't mean what he thought she meant. Hadn't he already told her that he wasn't going to do anything …?

But, yet again, Kaguya meant _exactly _what he'd been thinking. "Suzaku, just try paying closer attention to how he reacts around you when you're closer next time. Brush against him 'accidentally', and just …, "she smiled warmly at him, her eyes glowing, "- go from there."

"That's _stupid_." It was something girls did in those shoujo manga Euphy had been so fond reading of. He knew that Kaguya read them as well, and he sincerely hoped Yune wouldn't read them once the time came. "Really stupid."

"Well, better than not doing anything at all," Kaguya pointed out dryly.

And Suzaku knew he was going bonkers because a part of him _agreed_.

…

"She's still asleep?" Suzaku asked as he walked into Lelouch's bedroom. He leaned down to brush a few strands away from Yune's face, noticing that Lelouch was still seated on the bed. "Thanks for keeping an eye over her."

"I don't mind," Lelouch said, pressing a thumb against his lips as he pulled Suzaku out of the room. "She needs peace and quiet," was what he said as a means of explanation in that quiet, no nonsense tone of his.

"And if she wakes up …?" Suzaku asked, worry and concern lacing his tone. He still couldn't quite push away the thought that he'd been neglecting her.

Lelouch smiled. "Your bedroom is a few footsteps away." He shook his head. "And if you fall asleep, _I'll _go and check up on her." He squeezed Suzaku's hand, the smile not fading as he led Suzaku to his bedroom. Darkness was already seeping in from the window, making the few specks of light appear like thin, sickly stripes of white paint on a black canvas.

Then, they were there, standing in front of the large bed, and Suzaku looked down at their interlocked fingers. "Are you going to sleep here …?" He was grateful for the darkness because Lelouch couldn't see the slight pink dusting his cheeks. And he hoped that the implications of the question in this kind of setting didn't quite creep in on Lelouch.

Yet, Lelouch simply nodded, only saying, "If you want me to."

Suzaku didn't hesitate for a second. "I do."

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Lelouch had the rising suspicion that something was off with Suzaku. It had started some three days ago, ever since he'd first met Kaguya.

At first, he'd passed it off as anxiety over Yune, especially on that morning after Kaguya's visit when he'd woken up with Suzaku curled up close against him, his arms wrapped around his waist and him breathing down on his neck. That had been nothing _new_. No. But the silent whisper of 'Lelouch' had been.

But Lelouch had told himself that it was _nothing_, and had just gone off his usual way. Before other little things had started to happen: like Suzaku looking at him more often, his hand brushing up against Lelouch's whenever he was in the kitchen, preparing tea …

Lelouch sighed loudly as he splashed water against his face. Suzaku was just comfortable around him. That was it. He didn't bother looking into the mirror as he turned around to reach for a towel and wiped his face with it. He put the towel back into place, and shook his head.

Before he'd arrived, Suzaku's bathroom had been a mess. Now, everything was in place, so that there was no mixing up of toothbrushes and towels.

"What are you grinning about?" Suzaku asked, making Lelouch flinch for a second.

"Nothing." Lelouch sighed. He hadn't locked the bathroom door. So he had no reason for acting so strangely over Suzaku having entered just like that.

Suzaku turned on the water tap, chuckling. "Don't believe you." His eyes were shining with barely subdued amusement.

"Well, if you have to know, I think I brought order into your … let's call it less than admirable household skills," Lelouch said, and crossed his arms, watching how Suzaku uncapped the lid of a brand new toothpaste, despite the fact that the old one wasn't even half-empty yet. He didn't bring it to Suzaku's attention though: some things Suzaku just never learnt.

"Hmm," Suzaku said, "I guess you're right." He smiled and then poured some of the toothpaste over his toothbrush. "You are a perfect -"

Lelouch shot Suzaku a death glare. "Don't even _say _it out loud."

A grin made its way across Suzaku's face. "What? That you're a perfect _-ouch._"

Lelouch smiled sweetly as he withdrew his hand; he had merely slapped Suzaku on the shoulder lightly, and knew that the 'ouch' was nothing but a reaction of surprise. "I told you to be quiet -" Lelouch was going to say more, but, at that moment, Suzaku chose to grab his hand. He'd placed the toothbrush beside the sink.

Suzaku didn't say anything, just ran his thumb over Lelouch's palm. He was smiling too - in a way that made Lelouch's heartbeat quicken. Of course, he quickly tried to dismiss that sensation. This had been _Euphy's _husband, after all. Still was. Even if she was gone.

"Wh-what is it?" Lelouch ran his tongue over his bottom lip, feeling as if the skin there had gone dry. "Do I have something on my hand?" Not that he thought he did, but that was less humiliating to say than 'let me go; you are making me feel embarrassed'.

"No," Suzaku said, and looked at him. He took Lelouch's other hand, and then just covered both of Lelouch's hands with his own. "Say Lelouch -" Suzaku only hesitated for a moment. "What do you think of me?"

Lelouch frowned. Was this some sort of trick question? He looked Suzaku in the eyes, thinking back to those past few days, and his heart instinctively knew what _this _meant. Still, he told himself, there was always the chance that things just weren't what they appeared to be. Maybe this was just wishful thinking ...

So he went along with reason, abandoning foolish _hope_. "I like you. You're a great friend, Suzaku." He ignored the doubt that settled over his mind.

And tried to tell himself that it wasn't disappointment that flashed over Suzaku's eyes. It was only brief, but _there_. However, Lelouch told himself that it was nothing. Suzaku was just upset over Yune.

"Okay." Suzaku let go of his hands, and smiled. And Lelouch smiled back, intent on going back to the life he'd grown accustomed to.

Only that, at that moment, he tripped. It wouldn't have usually happened, but a combination of light-headedness and not watching where he'd been going resulted in Lelouch falling right into Suzaku's arms.

And the only thought in his mind was 'warm', followed by how he rather liked being pressed up against Suzaku's chest. Definitely toned and well-defined for a single father, and that thought was what made him flush immediately.

Looking up, he noticed that Suzaku was staring down at him. Perhaps, it was cliche, but Lelouch couldn't quite help feeling a bit _strange _when their eyes met. Not the awkward strange of two people getting entangled in an embarrassing situation, but the strange giddy feeling that happened when you were at a date, and accidentally brushed hands with someone. For a brief moment, Lelouch just allowed himself to look at Suzaku, noting that Suzaku's eyes really were beautiful. Especially when they shone with such warmth. Lelouch's throat went dry.

"I should -" Lelouch couldn't finish, and just took a deep breath.

"Hmm?" Suzaku asked, still holding onto him; he was smiling warmly, running his fingertips down Lelouch's arms gently. A casual touch, nothing he'd done before. Yes, this was completely harmless. Lelouch cleared his throat.

"I have things to do," Lelouch said, still not making a move to free himself.

And Suzaku was not letting go of him either. In fact, he was moving closer, and Lelouch wondered if he had something on his face now … there could be no other reason for Suzaku to be this close, and there was no need for his cheek to flush … Somewhere, in the background, water continued tapping into the sink.

Then Suzaku drew back. "_Oh_!"

Lelouch blinked. "What is it?"

"I am wasting water," Suzaku said, and let go of Lelouch's hands. He turned off the water tap, and then smiled sheepishly before picking up the toothbrush.

"I'll go and check up on Yune," Lelouch said and left the bathroom.

…

Suzaku sighed and brought the toothbrush to his mouth after the door slid closed. He brushed his teeth quickly, so quickly indeed that he nearly felt the bitter taste of blood on his tongue. Right. Never a good idea, and he willed himself to slow down, trying to banish the pesky 'whys' and 'what did I just do' whirling in his mind.

He sighed when he was done brushing his teeth, and placed the utensils back to their proper place after cleaning them properly. Lelouch would have been so proud of him. Speaking of which...

So far, Kaguya's plans had proven to be just as stupid as he'd expected them to be (especially in the light of what he'd orchestrated just some ten minutes ago -!), but he didn't waste too much time on that. Head filling with more pleasant thoughts, he quit the bathroom and tip-toed to Lelouch's bedroom.

Lelouch was seated on the bed and reading out of a voluminous-looking book that Suzaku wouldn't have touched with a ten foot pole. Though the silent pleasure on Lelouch's face - the way a shadow of a smile crept around the corners of his mouth whenever he flipped a page - nearly made him think that, maybe just maybe, he was missing out on never having tried to read Charles Dickens.

He hadn't been observing Lelouch for long, and he had no intention of remaining until a phone buzzed, Lelouch's head snapped up, and he leaned forward to pick up his mobile from the drawer standing next to his bed. For a brief second, his gaze had met Suzaku's, and it hadn't been accusatory in the least. In fact, Suzaku couldn't quite shake off the feeling that Lelouch _had known_ he'd been there, all along.

A suspicion he didn't have much time to ponder over the moment Lelouch started speaking, his ear placed against the receiver of the phone. Not that there was anything unusual in that, save the fact that Suzaku had never heard Lelouch sound so gentle before.

"Yes I'm fine. And no, it's not too late." He was laughing lightly, and affection shone in his eyes as he continued speaking. "Hmm, he's quite - oh, actually, you may. Suzaku," Lelouch looked up, "come over here."

Okay." Suzaku walked over to Lelouch's bed, and sat down.

"Hold out your hand," Lelouch ordered.

Suzaku did so, looking quizzically at Lelouch.

Lelouch just pressed the phone into Suzaku's palm. "Nunnally wants a word with you."

Suzaku accepted the phone a bit stupidly, not knowing _why_ Lelouch's sister would want to speak to him of all people. Besides, he felt a bit awkward since the only thing he knew about Nunnally was that she _was _Lelouch's younger sister. However, the moment he heard her softly uttered 'hello' over the receiver, any notions of awkwardness were quickly dispelled. Maybe because Nunnally's voice was quite possibly one of the kindest he had ever heard in his life. He found himself smiling. "Hello, it's me, Suzaku."

He swore he could hear her smiling over the phone. "Nice to finally talk to you."

"The same goes for you," Suzaku replied, meaning that because Lelouch rarely spoke about his family, if at all. He had mentioned his father being dead, and that he lived with his sister and mother together in London. But that had been all.

"I'm glad you are taking care of my brother - he can be oh so stubborn," Nunnally said, her gentle tone now carrying a hint of playfulness. Not the same as Kaguya's, but gentler and much more unassuming.

Suzaku chuckled. "I'm not really doing all that much. He's actually taking care of _me_."

"Then you should tell him to stop worrying that much, and mind his own business."

He couldn't stop grinning: clearly, Nunnally _was _teasing Lelouch! "I would, but he's stubborn, as you said." He threw a side glance at Lelouch, his grin growing wider at the expression there - Lelouch's mortified 'what the hell are you two doing' look was simply priceless.

"Just like a mule," Nunnally sighed, "he just doesn't know when to stop."

Suzaku laughed again. "When it comes to being a perfectionist, _no_."

"So he still follows cooking recipes by the letter," Nunnally said, laughing herself - and Suzaku could tell, by the warmth behind it, that she really loved Lelouch more than life itself. And that she missed him.

"I'll hand him over to you now," Suzaku said with a dry throat, promising to talk to her again later. Nunnally's 'talk to you some time later' had been unmistakeably genuine, after all. He turned to leave the room, only that Lelouch stopped him -

"No stay - you don't have to go." And then, he was speaking to Nunnally again, in that loving and fond way of his that made Suzaku think that to be loved by Lelouch was, indeed, a beautiful thing.

"She sounds nice," Suzaku said, smiling at Lelouch warmly when he was done with his call.

Lelouch's eyes narrowed. "Most people would say that she has adapted admirably to her situation in life."

"Her situation?"

"She has been blind from birth." Lelouch wasn't avoiding his gaze, but there was definitely something guarded about his expression. As if he expected Suzaku to rebuff him or take this the wrong way.

Suzaku looked down, his eyes falling on the purple of the bedsheets - he frowned; he didn't remember having bought such bedsheets. Not that it mattered, really. "I - I'm sorry." He sighed. "I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for something that happened years ago," Lelouch said, the edginess chipping away from his tone, and replaced by something gentler. "Nunnally wouldn't like that either - you feeling bad on her behalf."

"I guess; she sounds full of … life," Suzaku said, and sighed. "Sorry, this is probably the wrong thing to say as well."

Lelouch shook his head. "No. You are right. She is quite vivacious." And there was that admiring, affectionate look in his eyes again. "Even when Dad passed away, she didn't lose hope." His gaze intensified. "I think she, actually, was strong for all of us -"

At that, Suzaku froze; Lelouch had never spoken with so much hidden despair before, and, even if he could have pushed Lelouch for more information about his family now, Suzaku knew _this _wasn't the right time. So Suzaku decided he would keep his mouth shut until the day Lelouch would talk himself.

"You miss her a lot," Suzaku merely said, and felt his throat go dry again.

"I do, but I know she's fine," Lelouch said, and then shook his head before laughing softly. "Though my big brother instinct wants to rush back to London right now, and ensure she's really fine."

And Suzaku understood why Lelouch was so good at taking care of people now; it just ran in his blood, was a part of him like the slight arrogance, and petty dislike for anything that involved sports. No, Lelouch wasn't the sort of person who would openly embrace another, but Suzaku did feel that, underneath that facade of aloofness, lurked a person who would, in his own way, reach out to help.

That was when Nunnally's words came back to him ('thanks for taking care of my brother'), and he shifted closer to Lelouch until their shoulders brushed.

"Then you should follow her advice and stop worrying so much about everything," Suzaku said, and smiled again. This time, Lelouch smiled back, and Suzaku would have lingered if Yune hadn't woken up crying at that moment.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Lelouch reasoned that he really worked better alone. Especially in the kitchen. Having someone else there often just meant having more work to do or just being needlessly distracted. Both of which was happening right now ...

"Suzaku, don't just stand there, but help me with the tea -" Lelouch said, not hiding his irritation. "You shouldn't have offered to help out if you j-"

He stopped when Suzaku's hand touched his, and his shoulder brushed against his. _Stupid_. He couldn't allow himself to get that carried away because of a mere touch. "As I was saying, it was pretty pointless to offer to help if you're not going to do so." He tried his best not to sound too harsh, not wanting to give Suzaku the impression that he was too annoyed (though he _was_). "You can wait for me in the livi-"

Suzaku interrupted him again. "Lelouch -"

"What is it?" The way Suzaku had said his name bothered him; he immediately stopped searching for teabags. "Is something wrong?"

"Turn around."

"Why?"

"Just do it, please." Suzaku sounded really bothered, even a bit … well not desperate, but as if he really needed this. Whatever 'this' happened to entail.

"Okay," Lelouch said and did turn around, looking at Suzaku now. "Will you tell me what's wrong now?"

"You … can shout at me later." Suzaku's voice was gentle, quiet, and Lelouch hated how it made something inside of him feel dizzy and light-headed; he could see Suzaku's Adam's apple bopping as he swallowed.

He didn't expect to feel Suzaku's hand cupping his cheek, and he felt his heartbeat quickening even more -

What he hadn't quite expected, either, was Suzaku moving closer, and leaning forward, _forward _-

And then, Suzaku was kissing him, his lips gently pressing against Lelouch's (_soft, warm -_).

There were a lot of things Lelouch should have done: pushed him away, demanded an explanation or just gone back to doing what he'd been doing before. He could have even punched Suzaku in the face, and fled the scene.

He could have done a lot.

Wrapping his arms around Suzaku's neck and kissing him back was _not _one of them, but the part of Lelouch's brain that was responsible for reasonable decisions had shut down, leaving only instinct behind. And instinct dictated that kissing Suzaku was a good thing, that closing his eyes was an even better one, and that there was no problem whatsoever with any of this until Suzaku was pressing him against the counter. Which was too close, too dangerous, and made Lelouch pull away.

"Suzaku-"

"...Lelouch -" Suzaku's voice was partly wondrous, partly affectionate. His fingertips traced a line down Lelouch's cheek. "That was pretty -" Suzaku was smiling dreamily , "_amazing_."

Unfortunately, this was the moment that the part of Lelouch's mind that had - temporarily - been asleep decided to make its comeback.

And Lelouch was suddenly aware of two things:

Suzaku had a) kissed him, and b) he'd kissed him back. And it hadn't been the sort of kiss that two _friends _shared with each other. In fact, it had hardly been the sort of contact he should have indulged in with the husband of his deceased cousin.

Of course, the only appropriate reaction to such an event was to stare at Suzaku and say, "We've run out of teabags."

...

But running out of teabags wasn't the real problem at hand, and - as much as Lelouch wished he could have just not dealt with it - he knew that he had to face Suzaku sooner or later. It was a bit difficult to avoid a person you lived with together, after all. He put his keys into the keyhole, and opened the door, dreading the 'talk'.

The first thing he registered was the sound of a football match running on TV, and this could only mean that Suzaku was in the living room, of course.

Lelouch hesitated, took a deep breath and then walked into the living room.

"Hello," he said, trying to sound as casual as possible. As if Suzaku hadn't kissed him a while ago, and he hadn't freaked out.

"You're back," Suzaku said, a strained smile appearing on his face. But he was looking at Lelouch directly. "Did you buy the teabags?"

Lelouch just nodded, and placed the plastic shopping back onto the table, for once not bothering to go into the kitchen with the stuff immediately. It could wait.

He wasn't the only one who apparently thought so. Suzaku opened his mouth, but somehow nothing came out but a garbled 'Lelouch …'. Thankfully, for the both of them, Lelouch held more of a grip on himself that day than usually.

"I want to know why you kissed me," Lelouch said, not wanting to skip around the bush. "If it was your idea of a joke, I'm not amused."

Suzaku sighed. "There are pretty much three reasons why you'd kiss a person. Either you're drunk, in love or you just want to win a bet."

An eyebrow raised, Lelouch waited for Suzaku to answer properly … it didn't happen. He sighed. "I know you too well to know that you don't drink, and that you wouldn't kiss someone just to prove a point. So …" He didn't continue: that was Suzaku's job.

"I like you," Suzaku said simply, meeting Lelouch's eyes. "In fact, it's more than just mere like."

… It was what Lelouch had hoped wasn't the case (so foolish, surrealistic, … extraordinarily _crazy _...), and, yet, at the same time, he couldn't deny that he'd suspected this for quite a while. At least, it had presented itself as a viable explanation for Suzaku's behaviour during the past few days (or he was simply hypersensitive …). "...How long?"

Suzaku didn't hesitate for a second. "For a while now."

And, Lelouch shook his head, not quite clear whether this was just plain daft or endearing. "Why didn't you say anything?" He sighed. "I could have dealt better with this if you'd … told me _something_."

"I didn't want to lose you," Suzaku replied, honest and vulnerable at the same time.

Lelouch let out a disbelieving laugh. "So kissing me out of the blue was the better option?" He rolled his eyes. "Seriously -"

"... you _kissed _me back, so you didn't hate it," Suzaku just answered, even smiling a bit. He sighed. "The other hints I dropped weren't working." He looked away.

… So Suzaku's strange behaviour hadn't just been him being hypersensitive, after all. Lelouch sighed again. "Suzaku-"

Suzaku's gaze turned to him fully. "_Yes_?"

"I won't deny that I liked the kiss," Lelouch said, sitting down next to Suzaku. Not too far away. He took a deep breath. "And I won't deny that I'm … attracted to you." And it would have been easy to just shift closer a bit, lean forward and press his lips against Suzaku's again, bridging the gap between them. "And as much as I can't deny saying that I would like to do it again, I also can't deny that … I'm rather bewildered right now." And scared, frightened as well as annoyed that Suzaku had complicated things between them.

"So … what now?" Suzaku sounded so vulnerable that it made something inside of Lelouch hurt, just a little.

Lelouch knew he couldn't lie. "I don't know. It's not like I … have dealt with a situation like this before." And he was fairly certain that this wasn't such a typical situation, at least not in this kind of set-up.

Suzaku chuckled. "Me neither."

"Which only leaves us with the option of - " Lelouch started, mentally bracing himself for a long speech. On how he and Suzaku should be careful, and not give into temptation. Because -

When Suzaku leaned forward, Lelouch stopped thinking immediately, more immersed in the sensation of Suzaku's lips moving against his own than insisting on finishing that speech. Suzaku pulled away after a minute, but remained where he was - _close _to Lelouch, and he didn't look like he would go anywhere away anytime soon.

"Why not just take things …" Suzaku swallowed audibly, "as they come?" He was too close and smiling - tentatively but still smiling, but _that _wasn't the problem.

Lelouch's not moving away, but inching closer himself _was_. Him smiling at Suzaku was one as well. Allowing Suzaku to bridge the gap between them again was one too.

_Okay_, far too close; their noses were touching. "Suzaku-" Lelouch swallowed; he could see how vibrantly green Suzaku's eyes were right now, and his heartbeat quickened.

Then, Suzaku kissed him again - short and sweet as if they'd been standing in a garden surrounded by orchids and were both ten-years-old, just on the cusp of puberty.

Lelouch sighed when Suzaku pulled away again. "I think you have an annoying habit of using kisses as a means to interrupt someone." Lelouch looked at Suzaku, and shook his head. "Do you do that all the time?" _Did you do this with Euphy? _

Suzaku shook his head, and smiled. "Hmm, only with _you_ because you worry too much."

_Right_. Lelouch rose an eyebrow. "And you are too reckless." _Far, far too reckless regarding this. _

But Lelouch stopped complaining the moment Suzaku kissed him again, his objective of pushing Suzaku away melting into one of not letting him go.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Sharing the same bed was becoming a sort of tradition. Ever since Kaguya had dropped by for a visit, Lelouch often slept in the same bed as Suzaku. At first, it had been to watch over Yune, but he'd started to share a bed with Suzaku when she wasn't around either.

_This _was one of those evenings. Not that Suzaku minded. Waking up next to Lelouch was nice, especially when he was all curled up around him.

But more than that, he really just liked talking to Lelouch because, bit by bit, Lelouch was opening up to him. _Especially _tonight. He had never talked about Gino so openly before.

"So you got together with Gino at boarding school. Now that's a _cliche_." And Suzaku did think it _was_, especially because he was fairly certain that it was a common trope in gay literature. Or so Kaguya had told him. "But, then again, most boys at boarding school must be gay," he added as an afterthought (not serious at all, of course).

Lelouch shot an icy glare at him, which might have intimidated most - but not Suzaku. "Really, now that's a _stupid _thing to say."

Suzaku grinned. "It's not true then?"

"Well, not _all _boys there are gay," Lelouch replied, still looking thoroughly unamused.

Sighing, Suzaku said, "I was joking, Lelouch."

"A stupid joke, I must say." But Lelouch no longer looked angry, his scowl softening into an expression of involuntarily amusement instead. "Then again, merely to be expected of someone who knows next to nothing about boarding schools."

'Then enlighten me' is what Suzaku could have said, but boarding schools weren't the most pressing concern on his mind. A few second passed while he tried to think of a way how to formulate his question; the bed creaked loudly as Lelouch shifted.

Fearing that Lelouch would leave, Suzaku finally gathered his wits together. "Say, Lelouch -" He hesitated, and Lelouch, clearly having an idea just _where _this was going, scowled.

"What?"

"Sex with Gino … what -" Suzaku felt his cheeks warming up slightly, "was it like?" He coughed. "I mean, sex with another man …" He'd done some minor research, but Suzaku couldn't help wanting to hear about it from Lelouch.

Lelouch flushed as well. "Not _again_, Suzaku... I'm not talking with you about sex." His tone was clipped, indicating that any further attempts were far from welcome.

Not that Suzaku was feeling intimidated by it. Not at all. "I don't understand the big deal. It's not like we're virgins."

But Lelouch frowned. "Still, I'm not -"

Suzaku sighed, and captured Lelouch's lips in a brief kiss. "If you can do this with me, I don't see why you can't tell me more about yourself and Gino." He smiled gently, loving the flabbergasted look that was, slowly, creeping up on Lelouch's face. "I don't need any sordid details, I just want to know how you two got together."

"We were sixteen."

Suzaku glared. "You already said that."

A sigh. "... You didn't let me continue. We were sixteen, and had already been friends for a while. And... it was around the time all the other boys started leaving the dorms on the weekends to party that we grew closer."

"I don't see you as the party type," Suzaku said, laughing. "Though Gino -hmm, I could imagine that he's fond of parties." During his stay, Gino had seemed like a fairly sociable person. Even after he'd figured out what Suzaku felt for Lelouch, he hadn't stopped being nice. "Actually, I'm surprised to hear he didn't go to any."

"Back then, it surprised me as much as you now," Lelouch admitted, and chuckled.

"He must have done it to grow closer to you." Suzaku smiled, thinking that he'd have probably done the same thing. He let his gaze wander over to Lelouch, lingering on his face or, more precisely - his lips. He spoke before thinking. "What was your first kiss like?"

For a second, Lelouch looked at him, eyes wide and ready to protest, but Suzaku, gently, whispered. "Come on - it's an innocent question."

A few seconds passed before Lelouch replied, but - eventually - he sighed, and gave in. "On a snowy night. I was talking about Oscar Wilde, and he about soccer. We crawled into bed because we were cold, and -" Lelouch blushed, "I'm not saying any more."

It looked like Lelouch needed encouragement. "Euphy and me kissed for the first time before I met Cornelia. I was nervous and upset, and Euphy just kissed me … I knew everything would be alright after that."

"He leaned forward about the same time I did, and the next thing I knew we were kissing. It never crossed my mind to stop."

A feeling of mild jealousy formed in the pit of Suzaku's stomach. "So you knew you were gay then?"

Lelouch shrugged his shoulders. "I did."

"Just … like that?" Suzaku asked.

"Girls never interested me all that much, and kissing a boy just seemed right," Lelouch replied, his voice firm and not betraying a single trace of awkwardness. "This has never changed - and it won't."

"Hmm." Suzaku smiled, and leaned forward to kiss Lelouch briefly. "You know, I do wonder why I like kissing you so much -" And it was nice, _warm_: Lelouch's lips were so soft, and he would always sigh when Suzaku deepened the kiss.

After a while, Lelouch pulled away. "I admit I'm surprised you're not bothered by it."

Suzaku pondered it for a moment, not surprised by the statement. "I don't know, Lelouch. I never really … how to put it, I'm not bothered by being with a man."

"You're being _naive_."

"What do you mean?" Suzaku asked, frowning. He hadn't expected this kind of reaction.

"Simple," Lelouch said, sighing as he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, "so far you've only kissed me a few times. It isn't anything that lies out of your comfort zone -" He looked at Suzaku seriously, violet eyes burning with something that caused Suzaku to shiver.

"You are saying -" He cleared his throat; he knew _what _Lelouch was implying.

"You haven't done anything yet that made you realise I'm a man," Lelouch said, a flush rising up his cheeks. "Kissing a guy, if you close your eyes, is not all that different, I think, from doing it with a girl."

"Then, let me -" Suzaku flushed, sitting up as he cleared his throat. "Let me _try_."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. "Try _what_?"

"_This_," Suzaku said as he leaned down again and kissed Lelouch. It started out as all their previous kisses had, just lips moving against lips, but Suzaku didn't content himself with just _that_, but licked Lelouch's bottom lip with his tongue, hoping that it was hint enough. It was. Lelouch opened his mouth, and Suzaku pushed his tongue in. And this was -

Hmm. Different. _Hotter_. Lelouch wasn't as shy as he'd expected him to be, but met Suzaku's tongue with his own, his arms wrapping themselves around Suzaku's neck as they continued kissing. At some point, Suzaku had actually let himself fall forward, so that he was now on top of Lelouch, still kissing him, and it was so, _so -_

Suzaku didn't know how to put it, but he only knew that his head was dizzy, and that he rather liked it a lot. Judging by how Lelouch was kissing him back fervently, he rather enjoyed it too. They were moving against each other, and Suzaku could feel that Lelouch was a man, indeed - all hard angles, and skinny yes, but not frail skinny. Then he felt something pressing against his thigh: the one thing Lelouch had been so scared of - but Suzaku didn't freeze, slowing down his kissing instead, carefully shifting and tilting his head slightly, so he could have a better angle until Lelouch pushed away.

"Don't - we should stop," Lelouch said, his hands touching Suzaku's chest. "I'm more aroused by this than -"

Shaking his head, Suzaku interrupted him. "I'm _hard _too." He pressed further up against Lelouch to show that. "...Do you _want me _to stop?" He leaned down to whisper into Lelouch's ear. "I don't want to, but I'm really leaving this up to _you_."

When Lelouch just shook his head, pulling him back for another kiss, Suzaku knew that it meant _'no, I don't want you to stop'_.

…

The first 'morning afters' were always awkward. That was something Lelouch had learnt when Gino had pulled him in for a quick and sloppy kiss right before morning mass when they'd still been at school. He'd protested, hadn't even been able to look Gino in the eye, but the other had insisted, and _that _… Lelouch sighed. This wasn't the time to be thinking about his past relationship because things were different now.

Suzaku wasn't Gino. And he, himself, wasn't a seventeen-year-old boy anymore.

"You're spacing out," Suzaku said at that moment, and Lelouch's mind snapped back to the present immediately.

The present being the breakfast table in the kitchen, Suzaku sitting vis a vis him, eating cornflakes. "I was just thinking about last night."

"But we didn't have sex," Suzaku said all too bluntly, and Lelouch would have nearly bought that he wasn't flustered if it hadn't been for the slight flush on Suzaku's cheeks.

He rolled his eyes. "Not all gay couples have penetrative sex. And _mutual _hand jobs can be considered a sexual act." Lelouch was surprised he could say _that _with a straight face. "There are gay couples who just give each other blowjobs and get off without even once having engaged in anal sex."

"... Okay, I didn't know about that. The … non-penetrative thing." Suzaku coughed, and ran a hand through his hair. But he didn't look away. "Anyhow, your point being?"

"That, what we did last night, would be considered sex in some circles - well, somewhat." Lelouch wasn't quite sure where handjobs and frottage stood in relation to other acts. Not that it mattered. "The point being that we _did _something."

Suzaku sighed and put his spoon back into the bowl, nearly letting it sink into the cornflakes. "I didn't mean to make it sound like it was nothing."

But Lelouch wasn't that easily consoled. "Well then don't act surprised if I space out," Lelouch snapped and crossed his arms. He hadn't even touched his own dish yet.

Suzaku searched his eyes. "Lelouch … do you think I'm just using you or something?" He took a deep breath. "Or not taking this seriously enough?"

"_Neither_, but you seem to have very naive expectations of what's to come out of this relationship," Lelouch said and then picked up his spoon. This had to be said, no matter if it made him look mean.

The instant Suzaku's eyes widened, Lelouch knew that there was no chance of eating peacefully now. He put the spoon back down. Meanwhile, all colour had fled Suzaku's face, making it clear that he had grasped Lelouch's words all too well.

Silence descended upon them, whispering dark thoughts into Lelouch's ear like a siren tempting a captain to steer his ship towards a cliff. He clenched his fist, telling himself he wouldn't give in, not even if Suzaku perfected the beaten puppy look.

The first one to break the silence was Suzaku. "So... you're just giving up then?" His voice was silent, but Lelouch could hear the anger lurking behind it.

"I wouldn't call it giving up, but more being _realistic_." It would have been easier to say that if he had turned his eyes away from Suzaku's.

"Then," Suzaku said, pushing his unfinished bowl away and raising to his feet, "you should have told me so before you started to kiss me, or doing what you did last night." He frowned, promptly sitting back down as a thought seemed to strike him. "Wait, you admitted yourself that it meant something."

Lelouch sighed. He'd forgotten how perceptive Suzaku was. "Which is why we should stop before either of us gets hurt." Before Suzaku realised that he wasn't Euphy, could never be, and that it was bloody stupid setting store in a relationship that wouldn't do either of them any good. He looked down at his hands, the same hands that had made Suzaku groan last night. "Just consider last night something you indulged in for once, but don't have to do again."

Suzaku laughed bitterly. "You mean an experiment? Like in that Kate Perry song?" His eyes were shining, but not with the usual warmth that Lelouch was used to seeing, but unmitigated disgust.

At any other time, Lelouch would have wondered about the song reference, but he just cringed. "No, _bloody no_. Do you think I'd use you like this, or allow -" he narrowed his eyes, "anyone to use me like this?"

"Then what the _fuck _are you trying to say?" Suzaku yelled - all traces of that gentle, often adorable Suzaku that Lelouch was accustomed to seeing daily gone now.

"You never … swore in front of me up until now," was all Lelouch managed to say at first, too thunderstruck to do anything else.

That made Suzaku crease his eyebrows together, and he let out a loud sigh. "I never thought I'd have to."

"I just meant that you should keep in mind that it won't always be all smiles and sunshine if you start a relationship with me," Lelouch said, making sure to look at Suzaku, so he could see how much this meant to him, "that's why I think it would be better if we drew a line here."

"Right, I get it." Suzaku ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes and then opened them again, fixing them on Lelouch. Then he got up on his feet, and walked over to Lelouch's chair. "Do you want to give up … on us?"

Lelouch wished he could have hated Suzaku then - hated how he always _asked _for his opinion. Gino had never asked for a thing in their relationship, always being the one who'd taken the lead. Neither had his parents, always assuming that Lelouch did what was expected of him, simply because he was this dutiful a son.

The only person, prior to Suzaku, who'd asked him whether he was fine with something - truly fine with a decision - had been Nunnally.

(And he hated it too: this responsibility, this power to hurt someone.)

Suzaku didn't speak immediately nor seem to expect a response either. Only, after the clock hovering above the fridge had ticked merrily for several seconds, did he speak. "And?" Suzaku was leaning closer, now nearly on level with Lelouch's gaze. "Have you stopped analysing the situation from every possible angle?"

An incredulous glare was all Suzaku earned from Lelouch. "Are you mocking me?"

"No," Suzaku said, sighing before pulling a surprised Lelouch into a hug. "I just want to -" his voice grew firmer as he wrapped his arms more securely around Lelouch, "- to tell you that I'm scared as well, but that it's fine - it's all fine."

Lelouch shivered at the way Suzaku's hair tickled his cheek. "And it's all fine because -?"

"Because it would be boring if life just worked according to reason," Suzaku pulled away just so that Lelouch could see his sad, sweet smile. "Even if it doesn't work out, you at least tried."

Lelouch frowned. "This is … stupid and so naive again, but -" He sighed and kissed Suzaku, not surprised to find the gentle pressure of his lips touching Suzaku's returned. If Suzaku was willing to take the gamble, he wouldn't protest anymore, would give in.

Even if the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Suzaku.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

"You're acting a bit weird today," Cecile told him for the fifth time that day. Warranted, given that he would have nearly caused something to explode if she hadn't been there in time to warn him.

Smiling a bit sheepishly, Suzaku mumbled a quick apology, and tried to focus on analysing the data Lloyd had assigned him with. However, the moment his eyes flickered back to the screen, he found himself thinking of anything _but _what he was supposed to analyse.

He and Lelouch were - well, he believed they were somehow, sort of dating. Or was it a relationship? Suzaku frowned. 'Relationship' seemed to be something more serious and permanent than mere 'dating', and they didn't really go out on any dates -

"You've been staring at the screen for the past two minutes," Cecile informed him kindly, and Suzaku stiffened as if he'd been caught exchanging love notes in class. "Sorry," he whispered before he started really focusing on his work.

After all, he was an adult and couldn't allow himself to get distracted. The last time he'd been that much out of focus was when he'd started going out with Euphy.

…

But Suzaku ended up realising just _how _out of focus he was when he ended up knocking on the door upon realising that his keys weren't inside his pocket.

"Rough day, was it?" Lelouch was leaning against the wall, frowning as he took in Suzaku's tired expression. He, thankfully, didn't choose to comment on how Suzaku had forgotten his keys.

Suzaku sighed. "You could say that, I guess." He tried his best not to blush because it just wouldn't do to admit _what _the reason for his tough day had been. Instead, he looked at Lelouch expectantly, hoping he'd lean forward, and meet his lips in a kiss.

"I'm _not _going to kiss it better," Lelouch said, deflating Suzaku's hopes immediately.

"Not fair." Suzaku sighed, and leaned forward himself to press a kiss against Lelouch's lips. Lelouch didn't push him away, just sighed and wrapped his arms around Suzaku's neck. And Suzaku couldn't help but push him against the wall, running his tongue against Lelouch's lower lip before shoving it in. All the while, Suzaku hadn't even taken his coat off.

Lelouch didn't push him away now either, but kissed back, gripping Suzaku's shoulders as they continued making out, making Suzaku feel flushed but not breathless. In fact, Suzaku didn't want to stop. Not at all.

He pulled away from Lelouch, just to peel off his coat and toe out of his shoes. Then he was kissing him _again, _this time not holding back at all, but pressing Lelouch more insistently against the wall. He broke the kiss, to nibble against the shell of Lelouch's ear before whispering 'I want to be with you'. He loved how Lelouch shivered, and ...

"Your _daughter _might wake up any time soon," Lelouch said, glaring at him. He hadn't pushed Suzaku away though. But there was no mistaking the fact that he wasn't pleased by Suzaku's suggestion.

Suzaku sighed. "I didn't mean right _now_." He really hadn't; it had just been a (mostly) innocent slip of the tongue.

"I hope not," Lelouch said, his tone softening, and then he smiled. "I'll cook something nice today. And maybe buy some wine."

"Oh," Suzaku smiled brightly, "what's the occasion?" It wasn't his birthday, and they had celebrated Lelouch's, so … was it some sort of holiday he had forgotten all about?

"Nothing special, I just thought we could have a proper dinner, and drink something more refined than tea for once," Lelouch said, straightening his clothes. And, if his voice hadn't betrayed the timbre of excitement lurking underneath his tone, Suzaku might have nearly bought that there really was nothing special about _this_.

"Oh? A date?" Suzaku couldn't help but sounded excited too, even if he was (so he told himself) past the age of getting excited over dates.

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "No. Just a dinner that is a bit more … "

Suzaku couldn't help it; he leaned over and kissed Lelouch on the cheek. "Just say it's a _date_. There is nothing embarrassing about that." Then he grasped Lelouch's hand and pulled him towards the living room, saying how it was silly to waste the whole day standing in the doorway.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ o.0

Lelouch had to admit that he'd felt a bit guilty about having Suzaku let Yune drop over at Kaguya's house. When he'd suggested that 'date', he hadn't expected Suzaku to take him by the word. But he couldn't back off now, not when Suzaku had so cheerfully or walked up to his room to 'change'.

Better to focus on more practical matters. He threw a quick look at his preparations: the fine red spread that covered the table had been specifically bought for this event, and he had to admit he was proud of how he'd managed to arrange the forks and knives. He'd even managed to wash the dishes in such a manner that they were glittering.

The only thing missing was the food.

Someone whistled behind his back. "This looks impressive - just as good as a real fancy restaurant."

Lelouch turned around to see Suzaku wearing a suit with tie, looking … his eyes widened. "What's up with the outfit?"

"Don't you like it?" Suzaku frowned, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. "I thought I'd - well, dress up for the occasion?"

Lelouch had to chuckle at that, earning a glare from Suzaku. "I chose to dress _casually_." Well, he'd chosen a silk shirt, and one of his more expensive jeans, but that was still a far cry from wearing a _suit_. But then, give it to Suzaku to interpret a dinner at home as a rendezvous of sorts.

"You don't count,"Suzaku mumbled, still frowning. "You always look elegant."

"Well because it's important to do so," Lelouch said slowly, walking up to Suzaku to fix his tie - close enough to him that he could see those green eyes widen. Lelouch tried to ignore the way it made his heart flutter, and - now that he was so close - it didn't quite escape his notice how _good _Suzaku looked. Even though he hadn't managed to tame his curls, the combination of a well-ironed shirt (courtesy of Lelouch), and blazer brought out a certain roguish elegance that definitely made Suzaku look less boyish than usual, and … the blazer was tight-fitting enough to bring out certain physical aspects of Suzaku's to Lelouch's attention: Lelouch saw broad shoulders, and noted the way Suzaku's tight shirt stretched over his well-defined chest -

"Lelouch-" Suzaku whispered, making Lelouch freeze and look up at him.

He took a deep breath. Damn those eyes. "Wh-what is it?"

"Euphy used to do this for me," Suzaku said silently, a sad smile appearing on his face. _Oh_. Lelouch let go of the tie, and started to move away before Suzaku caught him by the wrist. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say that you have to let go."

Reassured by this, Lelouch didn't struggle to move away anymore. He knew that Suzaku would let go the moment he did, and he wanted to remain like this. "I am not trying to replace her."

"I know _that_." Suzaku's fingers drew lazy patterns on the palm of his hand, making Lelouch shiver. "And I'm not trying to have you take her place." He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Lelouch's lips, smiling sweetly when he pulled away. "This isn't about replacing at all, just being able to love again."

"Suzaku-"

"Don't think," Suzaku said, placing a finger against Lelouch's lips. "Just don't always try to find an argument against everything I say." And he didn't give Lelouch time to digest any of that, kissing him again. Not that Lelouch minded, moving his lips against Suzaku's and pulling him closer. _Hmm_.

Lelouch had to admit that he was slowly reaching the point where he just couldn't get enough of kissing Suzaku - not only because Suzaku happened to be so good at _this_, but because those dizzy feelings he was going through now - he was sure of it - were only a hint, a promise of what _they _could be (and that thought thrilled and scared him at the same time).

All of this only turned out to be a problem when he realised that, any more kissing, and he'd wind up getting pressed against the table. He pushed Suzaku away, earning a glare from him.

"Lelouch," Suzaku said, a hint of irritation in his voice, and he might or might not have been pouting, "-I thought I told you not to _think_." He was moving closer again, close to kissing Lelouch again - only that Lelouch stopped him in time.

"I was going to say that the food needed to be brought onto the table." Lelouch glared, pointing at the _empty _table. "Unless you want to skip the dinner, and move on to do something _else _altogether." He didn't blush, not really. If Suzaku saw any pink dusting his cheeks, it was his imagination, yes.

Suzaku blinked, and then flushed. "_Oh_."

"But I'm sure you're not as ungentlemanly as to let food that took me _ages _to prepare go to waste," Lelouch said, not giving Suzaku a moment to even consider the other option.

Thankfully, Suzaku didn't protest.

…

But, just because Suzaku didn't protest, didn't mean he hadn't quite processed what Lelouch had said. In fact, it was quite the reverse. During the dinner, he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from Lelouch, from the way he ate oh so delicately to the way he found his gazes returned. Not in that way couples looked each other in the movies glances, but Suzaku couldn't help quite thinking that they'd been, maybe, flirting a bit.

No, he was quite certain they'd been flirting because, every now and then, Lelouch's lips had curved to a smile, and his eyes had - more than often - lingered on Suzaku's lips ...

And, maybe - just maybe - Lelouch was also aware what lingered in the air between them, knew that there was the promise of _more _hovering above their heads tonight. Well, that had been the case until Lelouch had stood up, suddenly hellbent on collecting the knives and forks, and walking to the kitchen.

Suzaku sighed. _Damn it_. He stood up as well to pick up the empty plates. Lelouch really knew how to kill the mood.

When he walked to the kitchen, Lelouch was standing at the sink, already finished with washing half of the plates. "Suzaku, you don't have to help."

"But I _want _to." Suzaku grabbed a dry towel, and started to wipe the dishes, putting them into the assigned shelf when he was done. There was no way he was going to let Lelouch do all the work. Not even if he protested.

Lelouch didn't protest though, and they fell into a comfortable silence, only occasionally broken by the sound of running water, dishes being clinked and the tapping of footsteps while they moved around the kitchen.

"I think we're _done _now," Lelouch said after some ten minutes of this, sighing as he looked at Suzaku. "Look, your blazer got all tattered now. Really." He rolled his eyes, shifting closer to Suzaku to inspect the 'damage'.

Suzaku chuckled. "I don't really mind." What interested him more was Lelouch's currently being so close to him. If he just leaned forward and grabbed his chin, Suzaku knew it would be easy to kiss him. _Hmm_. A tempting idea.

"You never do, and that's just -" He never finished because Suzaku decided that this was the e appropriate time to _shut _him up.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~ o.0

It shouldn't have happened this easily. In fact, a part of Lelouch's mind argued that this shouldn't be happening at all. There was not only the whole issue of Suzaku taking this too lightly, but Lelouch himself, once they crossed this barrier, not being able to distance himself once the time to part came.

But, as he found himself in his bedroom, with Suzaku still kissing him, any objections on his side died. Because Suzaku kissed him like he really meant it, and there was only so much doubt Lelouch could feel when faced with so much earnest affection.

He took a deep breath as he pushed Suzaku's blazer down his shoulders, not caring a whit this time as it landed on the floor. And yes, he could feel it now, could feel Suzaku's muscles flexing underneath his touch as he ran his hands down his back. Of course, it would have felt better with Suzaku's shirt entirely off.

"Suzaku-" He ran his hand down Suzaku's shirt, considering whether to start unbuttoning it or not. Because if he -

"Lelouch -" Suzaku whispered into his ear as he pulled Lelouch closer. "Don't think."

And Lelouch didn't.

…

And Suzaku was really grateful to Lelouch for giving in. Because it was hard to keep up any semblance of being relaxed when he slowly started unbuttoning Lelouch's shirt. It was equally hard to suppress the trembling of his hands when his eyes caught the first glimpse of pale skin - much paler than his own. Heart beating quickly, he continued unbuttoning Lelouch's shirt until there was nothing to unbutton anymore, and all he could do was slide the shirt off of Lelouch's shoulders. This wasn't the first time he'd seen him shirtless, and yet Suzaku couldn't help blushing.

God, Lelouch really was beautiful. Unmarred, unbruised skin, a slender waist -

"Don't just stare," Lelouch said, irritation ringing clearly in his voice, "you can _touch_. In fact, _please do_."

Suzaku didn't believe he'd ever heard a request uttered in so authoritative a manner.

"As you wish," Suzaku said, chuckling as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Lelouch's neck, loving how Lelouch's irritation gave way to shuddering and mild gasping. "You really are," he breathed against Lelouch's skin, "_sensitive_." He then let his tongue dart out to lick soft skin, feeling pride well up in him when Lelouch clutched his shoulders, and gasped some more.

_The bed_. They really had to move towards the bed, Suzaku thought, turning his musings into a reality when he gently pushed Lelouch down on it, continuing to press kisses against his neck while he grinded against Lelouch.

Lelouch let out a small moan, shifting underneath Suzaku. "Don't waste time." The need was evident in his tone, the flush of his cheeks a very clear indication that did want _this _and _more._

"I'm not … I'm just trying to find out what you like," Suzaku said.

"We have time for all that later -" Lelouch ran his hands down Suzaku's shirt - tugging, "so, take off that blasted thing, and _hurry _up."

Suzaku chuckled, and decided to do as Lelouch said. They did - would - have enough time for _everything_ later.

(And he would make sure to make use of all that time, knowing just how quickly time ran out if you didn't watch out -)

…

Lelouch's first coherent words after sex turned out to be something along the lines of 'we need a shower'.

_Unromantic_. Not that Suzaku had really expected anything else. He was halfway surprised Lelouch hadn't kicked him out of the bed yet.

"I don't think it's necessary to take a shower now," Suzaku said, not wanting to _move_. Instead, he just shifted closer, closing his eyes. So warm. Lelouch was so _warm_. Especially his chest, which proved itself to be a nice pillow. One of his legs was entangled with Lelouch's, and Suzaku made no motion to remove it. It was proof of how close he and Lelouch had gotten over the past few months. "Just relax."

Lelouch wouldn't shut up though. "It's _messy_." He didn't sound all too irritated though, and Suzaku didn't make any move to get up.

"You're just complaining. You love to complain," Suzaku said, nuzzling Lelouch's neck before lifting his head to look up at Lelouch. "You look amazing." And he really did, especially with his fine black hair tousled like _that_.

Lelouch chuckled. "And you're tossing way too many compliments along my way." He was running lazy patterns down Suzaku's back, and didn't look like he really wanted to get up any time soon, either.

"And you like it - don't lie." Suzaku laid his head on Lelouch's chest again, just wanting to hear the sound of his heartbeat.

Lelouch's fingers threaded through his hair. "I do."

"Good. Because I won't stop."

"Fine. But now shut up and go to sleep."

And Suzaku just chuckled, thinking what a beautiful thing this relationship of theirs was.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning(s):** non-explicit sex: I decided to go that course because I felt that outright porn would have cheapened the story. Other than that, there's some switching (yes!), some very mild forms of drama, and Lelouch and Suzaku basically being a couple. Self-edited again, so mistakes might linger.

And it's done! Thanks for all the support :)

_Summer_

* * *

Lelouch's moods and irritability didn't get any better with more amounts of sex. If anything, Suzaku was starting to believe that they just grew _worse_. Not that it was too much of a problem, considering that a flushed and panting Lelouch wasn't all that intimidating.

Not even when he scowled. Especially when he scowled.

"Suzaku, stop hovering over me," Lelouch muttered, though he wasn't trying all too hard to push Suzaku away from him. Even his glares were half-hearted, and came across as playful, maybe even _inviting_.

Still, Suzaku frowned, biting his underlip, wondering if he wasn't reading too much into matters, or it was all wishful thinking … well apart from _one_, rather undeniable fact. "But you're _hard _again, and … there's nothing wrong with wanting to go for another round." In fact, it was rather flattering (and he wanted it too, so very much).

"It's fine, just -" Lelouch flushed, mumbling something inaudible as he looked away. He didn't finish though because Suzaku was kissing him again, not having shifted away yet. He was just as flushed as Lelouch was when he broke the kiss, his heartbeat having quickened as well as he felt the blood rushing into his veins.

"I'll go down on you. Let me do it," Suzaku then said, flushing a bit more, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage.

The look Lelouch flashed at him bordered on incredulity and surprise. "You-you can't -" He clasped his legs shut, pulling the blanket over him.

Suzaku merely blinked despite the blush staining his cheeks. "I've been _sleeping with you _for the past two months, Lelouch. Of course, I _can_." He smiled sheepishly. "Though I can't guarantee that my technique will be any good." He'd only started giving blowjobs during the past two months, after all, and while Lelouch gasped and bucked underneath him quite often these days, Suzaku was certain he needed a bit more practice (to make Lelouch gasp out even more -).

"Shut up-" Lelouch protested - A little too heavily, and the pink dusting his cheeks really wasn't helping matters, either.

Noticing _that_, an even more interesting alternative dawned upon Suzaku's mind. "Or I could …" Suzaku smiled widely, "_ride_ you." He'd never done it before, and that position had always intrigued him.

"But -" Lelouch started, his blush darkening.

Suzaku sighed, and placed his hands on Lelouch's shoulders. "You've already bottomed today, I don't mind," he said, kissing Lelouch thoroughly before reaching out for the lube situated on the bedside table. Lelouch didn't protest anymore, and Suzaku figured it was fine to start. He took a deep breath.

Despite everything he'd done with Lelouch in the past few months, a little thrill of anxiety did scuttle down his spine, but Suzaku ignored it, opening the bottle of lube determinedly. To hell with his petty fears.

He didn't need much preparation anymore - not as much as he'd had at first. Though, when he pushed the first finger _in_, he still felt that uncomfortable stretching sensation, and still had to wait for himself to relax before he could go on any further. But, once it started to feel less uncomfortable, and more something towards the direction of _good_, it became easier, and -

And Lelouch was staring at him, causing his cheeks to _flush_, but he didn't stop preparing himself, only pulling out when he felt himself _relax_.

But Lelouch hadn't stopped staring.

"What?" Suzaku asked, shooting a concerned look at Lelouch. "Don't you want to …?" He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice (so Lelouch still doubted him -).

Rather abruptly, Lelouch shook his head. "I'm just surprised you have no problems with bottoming." And Suzaku found himself sighing immediately as he moved over to Lelouch, straddling his hips.

Despite _that_, Lelouch still continued talking. "Normally men like _you _would -"

_That again_. Lelouch really did sound like a broken record, sometimes. "I told you I have no problems with it. It feels good - whether I'm inside you or you inside me," Suzaku said as he was positioning himself above Lelouch. "I just like being with you -."

And then he sank down, letting out a small gasp when Lelouch slid _in_; he let out another series of small moans while he continued lowering himself, beads of sweat pearling down his forehead.

Around that time, Lelouch finally shut up. _Good_.

"And you're … _hah_, you like it when I do this," Suzaku said, placing his hands on Lelouch's chest when he'd lowered himself down enough. "Hmm." He leaned down to kiss Lelouch before starting to move, loving how good it felt, but - more than that - loving how it brought him closer to Lelouch.

And Lelouch was no longer protesting against all this either, but gripping his hips. "God, you're so incredibly tight," he said, his voice hoarse, and his eyes sliding shut.

Suzaku just nodded shakily, starting to move then - remembering how _he _liked it when Lelouch started out slow, grinding his hips against Suzaku's crotch, but, as Suzaku looked down at Lelouch, saw how flushed his cheeks and how unrestrained his gasps were he knew that he couldn't tease him like this, so he just went as fast as he could. So fast that he was regularly bouncing on top, probably giving Lelouch - if he dared to look - quite a sight: him hard too, and his hair a messy tangle of curls as his mouth curved to an 'o' whenever he went back _down_.

Soon, Suzaku really couldn't help himself but moan _loudly_, only halfway coherent enough to ponder over the fact that he was grateful for not having any grumpy neighbours. But then all he could really think about right now was how (_fucking deep_) lovely Lelouch felt inside of him, and how warm (_deep inside of him_) Lelouch was, and how he really just didn't, and couldn't stop himself from going even faster.

Something Lelouch clearly had no problems with it, if the thrusts of his hips was anything to go by. That and he was moaning too. Just as loudly as Suzaku.

"I'm close-" Lelouch finally breathed out, his fingernails digging rather painfully into Suzaku's skin, and his thrusts upwards had grown a little more erratic, and more frantic.

Suzaku opened his eyes, and looked down at Lelouch, smiling a bit dazedly. "Yes, me too. But it's fine: come _first_." He knew it wouldn't take long for his vision to go white, either.

If Lelouch had opened his mouth to make a point of protest, it became a moot point when he groaned, shuddered and finally came inside of Suzaku; and, Suzaku followed soon afterwards, not caring about the mess he'd made as he let his head sink against Lelouch's chest.

He'd been deprived of such closeness and intimacy for too long - not that he'd believed the void could have been filled, having always been afraid that he'd find himself unable to forget about _her_. But, as Suzaku found himself taking in the familiar scent and feel of Lelouch, he didn't think of _Euphy_, but just _Lelouch, Lelouch, _and _Lelouch_-

And it didn't feel wrong, but just right - nothing but _right_.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

"I think they might be onto something," Lelouch told him, glaring at Suzaku as he carried Yune on his shoulders. They both were walking leisurely, the trees hiding them from the fierce glare of the sun.

Suzaku just shook his head. "Um. They just said that we've been growing closer. Which … is nothing unusual to say when two people _live _together." He smiled brightly at Lelouch, looking disgustingly innocent and carefree. Lelouch really hated how he did _that_. Someone who'd been _riding _him the morning before really had no business looking like _this_. Besides …

… 'Living together'. Lelouch wondered if that was Suzaku's terminology for sleeping with one another. He rolled his eyes. "You know I didn't mean _that_."

"... Hmm. Would it be such a _huge _issue for you if they did know, Lelouch?" Suzaku finally asked, now pausing in his steps - his jaw set, and eyes uncharacteristically serious. "I thought I told you before that it doesn't matter to me. I like being with _you_."

And Lelouch's eyes widened as he stopped walking as well, only vaguely aware of Yune tugging at his hair as he did so, small whines escaping her lips. He snorted. "You're a single father, Suzaku. A _widower_." And Lelouch was a man. He really didn't see how _this_warranted an explanation, and he had no idea why Suzaku insisted on being so bloody daft about this.

Suzaku sighed. "I know that. I'm not _stupid_. Besides, you never let me _forget_." And he walked over to Lelouch to grab Yune off his shoulders who squealed and eagerly accepted being carried by her father. And, as Lelouch looked at them, he really couldn't dispel that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach: that this was right, and that he was an intruder in this happy little couplet, which would only become a perfect trio if a sweet, earnest woman -

And then Suzaku just leaned forward and kissed him, right then and there in the middle of the park, surrounded by blossoming flowers and the smell of freshly-mown grass. He merely pressed his lips against Lelouch's, just lingering - not kissing him hungrily like he would have when they were on their own, but for all Lelouch it was enough to close his eyes, and let out a small gasp. When Suzaku pulled away, he nearly _protested_.

"No frowning. It makes you look _old_." Suzaku smiled sweetly, and Lelouch's heart skipped a beat. He should have told Suzaku off for kissing him in public, but no one was around. And, as he traced a finger against his lips, he really didn't mind. In fact, a part of him nearly condemned society for not allowing him to touch Suzaku more often in public like _this_.

He sighed. He knew this wouldn't have been a problem if he'd been a woman. No one ever complained about a widower kissing a woman in public. Not anymore.

But he and Suzaku …

Lelouch made a resolve to chide Suzaku for the kiss, after all. Suzaku had to learn that there were things you just didn't do, and that certain boundaries shouldn't be crossed.

And yet, Suzaku's smile wouldn't leave Lelouch's mind, and his resolve turned into non-resolve, and finally died down completely.

The storm was averted for now, but Lelouch knew that - sooner or later - this would become an issue between them. He just hoped, once it blew over, that the damage wouldn't be too bad.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Suzaku pressed a kiss against the nape of Lelouch's neck, and smiled when Lelouch jumped, turning around to glare at him.

"Really, stop doing that -or I'll study at _university_," Lelouch said, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms, and Suzaku would have nearly bought that he was angry if it hadn't been for the flush on those pale cheeks.

"I'm _bored_." And Suzaku sighed; Lelouch had been reading for the past _three _hours, and Yune was already in bed. "You're a terribly neglectful _lover_."

Something like surprise flickered through Lelouch's face, and he frowned. "I always study during this time. It never used to bother you." And he turned around, briefly, to shut his book with a clap, before he looked at Suzaku again. "What _changed_?"

And Suzaku should have, by all means, flushed bright red for being this childish and petty, but he merely smiled sheepishly. "I don't know, really. Just that I get lonely when you're not here." Indeed, he did wonder, as he said this, why it hadn't exactly bothered him _that _much before. He sat down on the bed, inspecting his hands as various thoughts raced through his mind. Finally - "I think it's because I just know what it's like to be with you now, so that not being with you is more painful." He hoped Lelouch wouldn't laugh at him for saying this because he meant it. Every word.

But, of course, Lelouch had to go and take it the wrong way. "You sound like a teenager. Actually," he shook his head, and chuckled, "you sound like a _teenage gir_l."

Suzaku bit his bottom lip, ignoring the _hurt _that built up in him. "Right. So I can't say I don't like being with you because it's _unmanly_. I really," and, this time, he didn't bother hiding his disappointment, "hadn't expected to hear that from _you _of all people, Lelouch."

Of course, Lelouch decided to take _this _the wrong way too. "Because I'm gay, and this - by all extension - has to mean that I'm naturally more inclined to think in -" his mouth curled in disgust, "what society deems to be _feminine _patterns of thinking."

… Suzaku merely frowned, knitting his eyebrows. "But that doesn't make sense. If you say society deems what's feminine and masculine, then … there actually isn't something like a feminine or masculine way of thinking because society isn't and can't always be right." He frowned some more, not quite sure if he was phrasing this properly, but somehow, he felt he had a point. He took a deep breath. "Really, Lelouch, if we take it by your words, you shouldn't be bothered because we can make up our _own _rules."

Silence loomed in the room as Lelouch, clearly, took in Suzaku's words. The scepticism was etched on his forehead noticeably, but eventually he just sighed, and then smiled at Suzaku, his smile warm and affectionate.

"You do surprise me every time," he said, getting up from the chair and settling down beside Suzaku. "I wasn't expecting you to … well, be open for discussion regarding gender studies."

Suzaku snorted. "I did attend college." He left out the 'I'm not an uneducated hot-head' unspoken. He smiled then, moving closer to Lelouch, whispering into his ear,"There are many things you'd be surprised to learn about me." And then he just kissed Lelouch, needing _this_, needing Lelouch, all the while thinking that he would be more than willing to reveal all of those hidden sides, if Lelouch only allowed him to.

…

Two hours later, Lelouch shifted on the bed as he cracked an eyelid open - darkness fell in upon the room, and he would have felt disoriented, had it not been for the warm body pressed up against his.

_Suzaku. _He shook his head. Somehow, an evening he'd intended to use for studying and studying only had turned into … well, studying a bit and having sex. Which wasn't bad or unfavourable in any way, just that Lelouch had meant to get more _work _done. Oh well, he still had tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. Perhaps, he would simply have to learn to re-schedule a bit.

He sighed, not bothering to sit up because he knew he'd feel that familiar pain shooting up his spine again. Suzaku wasn't ever particularly _rough_, but … Lelouch flushed, remembering that he'd been the one egging him to do it 'harder' and 'deeper'. In the end, Lelouch settled for snuggling against Suzaku, letting the warmth engulf him as he slid back into sleep, for once not overthinking or drowning in dreams of analysis.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Kaguya watched Suzaku with barely hidden merriment, and Suzaku set down his teacup, glaring. "What?"

"You know," Kaguya said, running a finger along the rim of her cup before folding her hands together, "you and Lelouch won't be able to hide the fact that you're a couple for very much longer."

He didn't bother asking her _how _she'd found out. Suzaku was sure that one of those looks he'd sent along Lelouch's way during one of her more recent visits had done the mischief. But still, he found himself coughing a bit. "I really wish you'd stop making me feel awkward all the time." At the very least, she hadn't mentioned sex. _Yet_.

"So does he top or do you?" Kaguya asked as she set her teacup down as well, leaning forward a bit in a parody of a best girlfriend expecting another girl to spill all the dirty details already.

Suzaku rolled his eyes. He'd been clearly expecting too much. "Really, that's _none _of your business."

"Spoilsport," Kaguya exclaimed and fell back against her chair, pouting. "You could share some details." She pouted some more.

"Then go ahead and read those manga you're so fond of." There was no way in hell he was telling Kaguya about his and Lelouch's sex life. He would have considered sharing if she'd been a little less … enthusiastic, but a part of Suzaku feared that, if he spilled the beans, she'd never stop probing him for more information.

She merely sighed while adding more sugar into the tea. "You know they aren't realistic." Her tone grew more annoyed as she added, "All those stupid tropes: crying during sex, 'no' means 'yes' - really not realistic at all."

Suzaku sighed. "No, really not -" He stopped himself before he could go any further, flushing as Kaguya stopped stirring her tea and just stared at him.

And .. not before long Kaguya starting to laugh while Suzaku avoided her gaze. Because, _awkward_. It didn't grow any less awkward when Kaguya finally recovered, catching her breath every now and then as she tried to regain her elegant sitting position.

"So you did read them," Kaguya said, an unholy grin spreading over her features. "Fascinating."

Flushing, Suzaku glared at her. "Shut up. It was to … well, I just wanted to ascertain a few things." Until he'd realised that the only knowledge he could really gain from those manga was that … he made a face. "Well, I learned a few interesting things, but it was hardly relevant as to my relationship with Lelouch."

"Of course, not - I really didn't know why you bothered to look _there_," Kaguya replied, still smiling. "You could always just have asked Lelouch."

And all Suzaku could do was shake his head. "That's exactly the problem. He never tells me things without much protesting and glaring on his part." He wasn't even touching his teacup anymore, just turned his gaze away from Kaguya's and stared - not really thinking much of anything - at Kaguya's posters. "Well, he usually likes to tell me how reckless I am."

"Reckless?"

Suzaku looked at Kaguya again, and smiled a little sadly. "Yes because I want to discuss things and act like a couple." He folded his hands together. "I can understand his fears a bit, of course. I know that it must overwhelm him." Hell, it still overwhelmed himself. And, sometimes, he did ask himself if he wasn't rushing into things.

"You aren't reckless - maybe a little headstrong and stubborn, but not reckless," Kaguya replied finally, her face devoid of any amusement now.

"It's just that with Euphy - I never needed to think that much. We just acted; there was none of this worry and doubt." He sighed, smiling nostalgically as he allowed his mind to drift to the past a bit, remembering how even when things had taken a turn for the worse, Euphy had never complained. Not even once.

"It's not fair to compare him to her," Kaguya cut in, making Suzaku look up suddenly. "His character and situation are much different from hers."

Suzaku gritted his teeth. "I wasn't comparing them." But he knew that he sounded too defensive, and he felt guilt washing down his spine. He knew it wasn't far. Of course, it wasn't.

"He has more to lose. Do think about it, Suzaku - he has far more to lose than you do when this relationship is over. " Kaguya sounded both stern and sad, more the latter though, and Suzaku couldn't quite help frowning.

"I don't think I quite follow." And he didn't - not exactly.

"Well, there's always the danger of society and you yourself - if you choose to - denying that you two ever were a couple. Since you're not gay or bi - or at least you haven't acknowledged it socially." She played with the ruffles of her shirt, a wistful smile playing on her face. "... So that leaves him with nothing but the memories."

"I never actually thought about it," Suzaku confessed, knitting his eyebrows. Sex with Lelouch was lovely, but he did wonder if he'd be willing to do that with other men. Suzaku's forehead creased - perhaps, if he wanted to, he actually felt he might have. Not that he was going to ever actively put that hypothesis into theory. Still..."I don't actually think it needs a label."

"Well, whatever it is, society does and will _label _- and he doesn't want to place a stigma on you or Yune, but by telling you to be careful … he's -" Kaguya smiled, shaking her head, "-trying to protect you. It's sweet in a way."

Suzaku opened his mouth to say something else, but then let Kaguya's words sink in. Of course. _That _did make sense. "So it's not his … not wanting to be with me?" A silly question, one that didn't need answering because he knew that Lelouch wouldn't have ever let him as close as he had if he hadn't wanted to be together.

Kaguya just shook her head, and then leaned forward to pinch his nose. "Just talk to him."

"I shall," Suzaku said, smiling.

But the moment he arrived home to talk to Lelouch, he was dragged into the bedroom. Not for sex but … to dress him up appropriately.

...

"What do you mean your brother invited us over for dinner?" Suzaku asked, looking scandalised - as if he'd been a Royal and just told that a photograph of him kissing a commoner had been leaked and printed in the _Sun_.

Lelouch just tugged his tie, ignoring Suzaku's glares. "He told me that it's a great injustice to have been living with you for this long without having introduced you formally." He'd picked out his best suit for the occasion, knowing just how picky Schneizel was over appearances. And the last thing he needed was his mother calling later and raving about how he'd allowed himself to go 'to waste'. "So stop complaining. The worst thing that will happen is that he'll ask you to play cards with him or to relate a bit about your family history."

"He sounds like a character out of a Victorian novel," Suzaku said, making a face as he looked down at the suit Lelouch had picked out just for him. "But then … your entirely family seems strange."

Of course. Lelouch could never forget that Suzaku had already met a few family members. He chuckled lightly. "Cornelia isn't all that bad. Just a bit stiff. Schneizel is … different."

Suzaku tilted his head to the side. "You mean that Schneizel isn't intimidating?" He looked somewhat … hopeful.

"Different," Lelouch answered wisely, deciding that saying 'intimidating in his own way' wouldn't really help to dispel Suzaku's (understandable) reluctance in dining with Schneizel. He really didn't want to dine with Schneizel either … but saying 'no' would have most likely resulted in Schneizel showing up at the apartment, with Kanon in tow and that wasn't what Lelouch wanted either. Besides, it would have just resulted in Suzaku turning even more paranoid regarding his family.

So this was the only way. He just hoped it would turn out somehow endurable.

O.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Suzaku sat straight as he tried to recall the basic crash course in table manners that he'd received out of a high gloss magazine once. Of course, back then, it had been for his first dinner date at Euphy's house, and the situation was different now - mostly in the sense that he and Lelouch weren't really on a date and that Schneizel couldn't do much to disapprove of their er, relations - but the nervousness chipping away at him was still pretty much the same. He sighed, looking down at his empty plate, wondering when the waiter would finally arrive.

Every now and then, he stole a glance at Schneizel, taking in how much taller and broader he was than Lelouch. Where Lelouch's face was delicate and nearly porcelain-like, Schneizel's gave way to - though none the less beautiful than Lelouch's - to sharp edges and contours, and - though Lelouch's shoulders were broad - Schneizel's were broader and his body had none of that natural, boyish skinniness that Lelouch's possessed. And his hair was blond - a sharp contrast to Lelouch's dark hair.

At first, Suzaku had really asked himself if those two were related at all. And yet, the more he observed Schneizel, the more he couldn't deny that the similarities were undeniable because Schneizel held himself with that same inborn elegance that Lelouch did, the smug smile creeping over his features was the same that Lelouch sometimes displayed, and he possessed the same self-assurance that Lelouch did. Just a bit stronger, like he was used to being listened to, while Lelouch still craved an audience. Not that Suzaku didn't believe Lelouch would find _his _audience one day …

Suzaku shook his head as at the thought of that, stealing a look at Lelouch looking through the menu again, probably searching for grammar mistakes. He smiled warmly, observing how Lelouch's thin fingers inspected the -

Then Schneizel spoke, his voice deep and lacking any sort of emotion. "So how do you like living with Lelouch?"

_It's nice. Especially the sex. _"I like it a lot. Lelouch is a great help," Suzaku replied, smiling brightly, trying not to feel nervous at the way Schneizel was looking at him.

"I am sure he is. He's always been a perfect little housekeeper."

Suzaku heard Lelouch take a deep breath, and he was pretty sure that he was biting back a rude comment. "Suzaku and I take turns."

"Which means that you cook, and he washes the dishes. A perfect distribution of labour," Schneizel commented dryly, the ghost of a smile appearing on his face now. "Sounds perfect. Just like the two of you were a married couple."

He heard Lelouch drop the menu card on the table. Suzaku coughed, and pretended to turn his attention to the table decor. A chair squeaked, and Suzaku looked up, eyes wide, to see Lelouch with gritted teeth and blazing eyes. "Excuse me." And then he was off in a huff.

"Terrible sense of humour, as always," Schneizel said, watching his brother depart with amused eyes. "But then he's always been uptight about a few things."

"That wasn't really a joke though, right?" Suzaku asked, raising an eyebrow. He considered walking after Lelouch, but that would have just made things worse.

Schneizel just leaned his head against his elbow, and sighed. "Not really. You're more perceptive than I thought. A shame - I'd like to have continued this game for a bit."

"I don't quite understand why," Suzaku replied, narrowing his eyes, "especially when you already know what's going on." He already decided that he rather found this man _annoying_. "It's rather unfunny."

To his surprise, Schneizel merely laughed. "I can see why he chose you. You're just as serious and uptight as he is."

"And that is a bad thing?" Suzaku didn't bother hiding the distaste in his tone now. Just because Schneizel was Lelouch's brother didn't mean he had to like him or approve of his actions. The days of his being sixteen-years-old and easily intimidated were over.

"A good one," Schneizel said, taking a sip out of his glass before continuing, "because the last thing my brother needs is someone who isn't committed."

Suzaku knitted his eyebrows. "You … were just testing me right now. Trying to see if I would deny things." He shook his head. "You're _crazy_." And somewhat brilliant, but Suzaku wouldn't admit to that out loud.

"Of course. Lelouch is important to me. And I don't want to see him attaching himself to someone unworthy, but I see that's clearly not the case," Schneizel said, going through the menu himself, but not before he'd pushed a pair of glasses up his nose, suddenly looking even more _serious_.

"And yet you sound sceptical," Suzaku observed, frowning because he didn't know what there was to doubt now.

Schneizel placed the menu down, still not taking off his glasses. "Lelouch is only here temporarily, and you lead your own life here… so, the thing is - when the time comes to part - would you be willing to follow him if he decided to return to his homeland?" Not a trace of emotion showed in his tone, but Suzaku could tell the question was important to Schneizel.

And he didn't hesitate answering for a second. "I _would_."

Schneizel leaned his head against his palm, observing Suzaku intently. "Leaving everything behind, and dragging your daughter along too?"

And all Suzaku could do was smile. "Of course, I'd follow him - he and Yune are the most important people in the world to me." He'd already lost Euphy, but he'd found Lelouch and wasn't going to let go of him _this_ quickly. "Of course, it won't be easy, but I'd rather like to believe in the good things to come than the obstacles we'd face."

Schneizel just shook his head, and then smiled. "Well, I can really see why he chose you now. I guess congratulations are due."

For some stupid reason, Suzaku found his cheeks growing red - because that sounded a lot like he and Lelouch were getting engaged, and Schneizel was hoping to hear of a 'happy announcement' by the end of the year … needless to say, he was more than relieved when Lelouch returned.

Because, even if Schneizel was not as stern as Cornelia, he was still rather … frightening. In his own way.

…

Suzaku couldn't hide a gasp of surprise when Lelouch kissed him deeply as soon as they entered the doorway. He knew that Yune was still at Kaguya's, and that there was no problem with them doing this at all, but still it wasn't like Lelouch to do _it _so enthusiastically. Not before he got in the mood, and Suzaku wondered if he'd missed the opportunity of observing Lelouch drinking too much wine. Because it was either that, or -

He suddenly remembered how, before Lelouch had hailed the cab he'd smiled warmly at Suzaku and that their ride home had been comfortably silent with them sitting as close to each other as decorum still deemed acceptable.

Suzaku pulled away, his hands resting on Lelouch's chest, fingertips unconsciously ghosting over a velvet tie. He met Lelouch's eyes evenly, noticing the way Lelouch smiled at him before smiling in return. Suddenly everything was clear.

"How _much _did you hear?" Suzaku hated how breathless he sounded, but Lelouch hadn't even given him the chance to breathe through his nose during all the enthusiastic kissing.

"Everything," Lelouch replied, not even sounding surprised that Suzaku had put two and two together.

Suzaku shook his head. "It's not fair to eavesdrop." He did feel his ears going red a bit because what he'd said had been a little on the sentimental side of things. Not that he'd take it all back, but _still_.

"Well, it's not fair to discuss our relationship with my _brother _either," Lelouch replied, leaning forward.

Gripping Lelouch's shoulders, Suzaku pulled away to say, "Actually, he started it." He didn't say anything else, pulling Lelouch in for another kiss, parting his lips so Lelouch could push his tongue in.

Lelouch did, pressing Suzaku against the wall - far more demanding than usual. Not that Suzaku minded, butterflies forming in his stomach as he found himself grinding against Lelouch - his need growing as he tried to meet Lelouch's frantic kisses. He pulled away, eyes glossy as he tried to keep himself calm, but failing.

"How-how do you want to do this?" Again, he hated how breathless he sounded, but - then again - it didn't matter, really. At this point, his legs had turned to jelly anyway, and all he wanted was for Lelouch to just kiss him again. Or touch him. _Anything_.

His eyes widened when, instead of turning him around, Lelouch went down on his knees - and unzipped Suzaku's trousers, slipped a hand down his boxers, and then starting to stroke. And then ...

"Just be quiet, and enjoy it."

Suzaku's breath hitched the moment he felt Lelouch's tongue on him. Because, despite everything they'd done so far, giving a blowjob wasn't something Lelouch did very often (only a few times if Suzaku actually cared to count -). So, Lelouch sucked carefully, nearly methodically, only taking Suzaku in slowly and gradually -

And Suzaku just closed his eyes, allowing himself to _enjoy_, trying not to think. Which, of course, ended up not working out.

This wasn't right.

He sighed. "You really don't have to continue if you don't like doing this." Because, even though Lelouch's hot and moist mouth felt wonderful, he didn't want Lelouch doing anything that irked him.

Lelouch pulled away, frowning. "Don't you like it?" Awkwardly, he tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, and managed to look so vulnerable that Suzaku bit his underlip, not quite sure he wanted Lelouch to look that lost. Not that he enjoyed an annoyingly arrogant Lelouch either, but … this just seemed wrong. He ran his hand through Lelouch's hair.

"No, it's just - you don't have to. It's fine. If we do something else - that would be fine too." Again, Suzaku felt his cheeks growing warm because this wasn't the sort of discussion he'd envisioned having tonight. "I'm not hurt." And he wasn't; he really wasn't.

"It's not that ...it's not _you_, it's just -" Lelouch said, eyes blazing as his own cheeks betrayed a slight tinge of pink, mumbling something about how he just didn't like doing it.

Suzaku chuckled, and pulled Lelouch up - not minding the awkward stance at all. "It's really fine. Let's do something we both like. It's all fine." Whether this meant Lelouch taking him, or him taking Lelouch or them just making out.

"You're incredibly," Lelouch said, resting his forehead against Suzaku's, "-understanding. I love that about you-"

_Love_. Suzaku couldn't help but just kiss Lelouch again - deeply - because hearing such words from Lelouch really was a rare treat.

Lelouch pulled away, actually making a face. "You do realise I just had you inside my mouth, don't you?"

Suzaku just smiled. "Doesn't taste that bad. Just -" he shrugged, stopping in mid-sentence and then kissing Lelouch again. "I really don't mind."

"I can see that," Lelouch said with a shake of his head, and then took Suzaku's hand, pulling him towards the direction of the stairs. For a second, his eyes had drifted towards the couch, but then he'd just shaken his head again. He gave Suzaku a meaningful glance. "Your father sits on that couch. So do all our other guests. _No_."

Lelouch didn't waste any time in kissing Suzaku again once they entered his bedroom. He pulled away, smiling. "Let me show you what I _like_." He led Suzaku towards the bed, eyes warm and affectionate.

"And you like -?" Suzaku smiled, not pulling away, but waiting for Lelouch to respond, meanwhile leaning forward to undo the first few buttons of Lelouch's shirt.

"I like kissing you," Lelouch said, running a hand through Suzaku's lips, "because you're so good at knowing when to deepen the kiss, and when to slow down."

Feeling his heartbeat quickening, Suzaku smiled. "I like kissing you too - and touching you." He undid more buttons, letting pale skin - bit by bit - be revealed to the scrutiny of the moonlight shining in through the bedroom window. Lelouch sighed underneath his touch, leaning in closer and letting Suzaku press kisses against his neck, his collarbone … letting Suzaku touch him everywhere.

"Yes, I love it when you do that - your hands are so gentle," Lelouch whispered between soft sighs, and a gasp here and there. His hands were working on Suzaku's shirt as well now, hastily, trying to get more clothes off. He moved in to kiss Suzaku again, hungrily now as he moved towards the bed, pulling Suzaku down after they'd both taken their clothes off.

"I like that too - you're uncomplicated," Lelouch replied, smiling as settled on the bed, wrapped his arms around Suzaku's neck, pulling him _closer_. "I like like how you're careful, thoughtful."

"My favourite part about the sex though-" Lelouch whispered into Suzaku's ear, his hands trailing down his chest -" is _this_, when you're about to push inside." He then licked Suzaku's cheek, making him tremble. "It's when I feel like letting go completely." He let out a deep breath, his eyes meeting Suzaku's - directly and with no hint of shame or embarrassment. "It's when I know I trust you completely."

Suzaku closed his eyes; he wasn't even inside yet, and yet already _close_. Lelouch had never been this vocal before, and … he took a deep breath as he started to push _in_, leaning in for another kiss. "Tell me more." He looked at Lelouch's swollen lips, the way they parted and opened, before kissing him deeply, lovingly. "Tell me what else you like, please."

"... I like it when you're inside too - hmm," Lelouch let out a gasp, clinging more frantically onto Suzaku. "You're so … _warm_." He didn't quite manage anything else, instead wrapping his long legs around Suzaku's waist, his ankle digging, prodding Suzaku to move faster. "Just move."

And Lelouch was back to being commanding. Suzaku chuckled. "You're warmer."

It didn't seem like Lelouch was going to protest about that though, his moans just growing louder until the only sound filling the room was nothing but a crescendo of moans and the bed creaking. Soon, Suzaku wasn't thinking of nothing but how much he loved Lelouch - not just the feel and taste of him, but being with him -

It was with Lelouch on his mind and his tongue that he felt his climax approaching, and he came just minutes after Lelouch, but he didn't care one whit. Because this was happiness, this was _bliss_, and he wouldn't exchange it for anything else in the world.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

In the end, they were discovered in the silliest and most idiotic of fashions. And, despite all his precautions, Lelouch ended up being the one who'd blown their cover. It had just taken a moment of stupid light-headedness, a rush of giddy affection, and Suzaku's silly, sweet smile - and Lelouch had leaned forward and kissed him.

Right when Genbu Kururugi had opened the door, always having been in possession of keys to the house in case an emergency occurred (and a silly part of Lelouch thought that this had definitely _not _been the emergency he'd expected -).

...Yes, right. This was how he'd found himself in a predicament. Despite that, he'd sent Suzaku away to his bedroom because he was certain he could deal with _this_.

He could, and he would …

Lelouch sighed, taking a deep breath as he found himself, eye to eye, face to face, with the man whose son he'd … more or less seduced into the 'dark side of sexuality that wasn't limited to women'.

He sighed once more, waiting for Genbu Kururugi say something - _anything_ - while the clock ticked merrily in the background.

"So you're the reason why my son has not been heeding my advice about trying to meet up with women," Genbu finally said, his voice stern. _Unamused_.

Not that Lelouch really blamed him. You didn't catch your son kissing another male every other day. He took another deep breath, preparing himself for the long explanation that he knew would be all sorts of awkward, and maybe even painful. "Look..."

Genbu held out his hand, making Lelouch immediately stop talking. "Treat him well. Suzaku is still awfully young and, in some respects, naive."

Of all things, Lelouch had expected to hear this had not been _it_. "You're fine with it?"

"I don't have much of a choice … While I'm not pleased that my son is seeing another man, I won't deny him happiness either," was all Genbu offered as he got up, and sighed, looking at Lelouch now. "It'll take a while for me to get used to this, but he could have done worse."

Lelouch just nodded, a bit too dumbstruck to say anything else. He'd envisioned countless scenarios, ranging from the traditional 'how dare you have turned my son gay' to 'now I'll have to join a gay parade', but nothing like this.

Not acceptance. Perhaps, not full-hearted, perhaps a bit hesitant, but acceptance nevertheless. He searched Genbu Kururugi's eyes, and finally said, "Thank you."

Genbu just nodded, only adding a 'don't break his heart' to his words as he moved towards the direction of the staircase, and Lelouch didn't stop him.

The conversation between father and son was the most important, after all.

…

Suzaku just sighed, waiting for Lelouch in his bedroom, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. He'd known it would come to this one day, but the reality of having it all - his father knowing _everything_ now, and his relationship no longer being clandestine - crashing over him did make him feel a tad bit dizzy.

He looked up when he heard footsteps. "Lelouch -"

"I was hoping for more grandchildren," Genbu said as he sat down on the bed, sighing. "You were a single child, and I often think it would have been easier for you if you'd had a sibling or two." He stared down at his hands, and sighed once more. "But I guess children can't always fulfil their parents' wishes."

Suzaku frowned. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Father. I really didn't, but I love him and … I'm not going to leave him." He just hoped it didn't mean breaking off ties with his father entirely - his heart lurched at the thought of that. He'd gone through too many losses in his life already.

But Genbu wasn't silent, even faced Suzaku - his eyes stern, yet mild. "I wasn't expecting you to. I'm just saying it will be difficult for you, Suzaku. For Yune too - having two fathers. You might not even manage to adopt another child, yet alone have your relationship recognised legally if you ever wanted to marry."

Suzaku just stared at his father. "_Adopt_? _Marry?_" His eyes widened. So far neither he nor Lelouch had even dropped a word about those things, and Genbu saying this suggested permanence, the belief that they'd work out …

"You might not want it now, but one day … both of you might," Genbu said, smiling, "He seems like the type. I know you are."

...And Suzaku found himself smiling too, blushing a bit as he rubbed his hands together. "Well. Maybe. I…know it won't be easy, but then nothing ever is, I guess."

"No, it isn't," Genbu said solemnly, sighing deeply. "Life really isn't."

Suzaku chuckled then. "Were you going to tell me only this or is there more?"

"No, not really," Genbu said, chuckling as well, and inspecting his hand. Suzaku couldn't help but notice that his father's hand was just as tanned as his, though also more calloused and worn. He sighed. They'd looked bigger, more prominent when he'd been a kid, and yet … his father didn't seem smaller to him now, just more human, more approachable.

Suzaku smiled. "That's good."

Neither of them said anything else for a long time, the silence stretching between them, but Suzaku didn't mind. Not even when Genbu broke the silence to talk about football, the lousy weather they'd been having for the past few days, and how Kaguya was most likely seeing a boy who was 'no good' for her.

It was good. It meant that - while everything had seemingly changed - nothing, in the end, had changed after all.

O.o ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O.0

Suzaku sighed as he continued typing the report, focused on his work, but then again, not really, various thoughts running through his head.

Everything was going well: he and Lelouch were happy, his father didn't mind them being together, and Kaguya - having found herself a boyfriend - had stopped asking him about his sex life. And yet, and yet - He let out another sigh.

"Something on your mind, Suzaku?" someone asked, making Suzaku freeze, and turn around, eyes wide.

He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed it was Cecile. "Yes … I'm sorry. I shouldn't be this distracted, but I just ...can't help it." He hoped she wouldn't think any less of him.

But Cecile just smiled, pulled one of the empty chairs from the desk next to Suzaku's, and sat down on it. "It happens from time to time. Nothing to worry about - as long as you can still focus on your work."

Suzaku chuckled. "That's not a problem, Ms Croomy." Though Lelouch occupied his mind quite a bit, he still knew when to focus on his job.

"Good. Besides, it's better to think about your girlfriend at work than -" she narrowed her eyes, lips curling in distaste a bit as she let her gaze wander over to Lloyd who was muttering to himself as he toyed around with some chemical substances, "crazy schemes that will never find any fruition."

A blush crept up Suzaku's cheek. "I ...don't have a girlfriend." Well, he had a _boyfriend_, but …

Cecile shook her head, mumbling 'liar, liar' and, for a second, Suzaku thought she would lean forward and pinch his cheek, but she just said, warmly, "It's good to be in love, though it can be terrifying."

"Yes, especially when you have a child and your partner comes from another country," Suzaku said, registering too late that he'd said this out loud. He found himself flushing again, especially when Cecile's smile widened.

"Oh - is she from an exotic country? Is she French-" She stopped herself, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me."

Suzaku smiled. "It's fine. London - my …" He hesitated, remembering what Kaguya had told him and how some people would label him, no matter how he saw himself, "my partner is from London, and doing an exchange year here."

"Oh," Cecile said, frowning a bit, "so she'll return to her country soon?"

...For a second, Suzaku felt something cold wash down his spine, but then he _remembered_ what he'd told Schneizel, and he smiled again. "Maybe. But it's not a problem. Whatever happens, we'll find a way to work it out."

And he was sure Cecile would have said something about long-distance relationships when something in the lab exploded.

Suzaku, though he usually wouldn't have been happy about an event like this, found himself immensely relieved: he really wouldn't have liked to explain how, in the case Lelouch decided to return to London, he would follow him.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

Lelouch sighed as he tried to focus on the film, unconsciously drawing closer to Suzaku - until their elbows touched -

"The film isn't that bad, Lelouch," Suzaku said, throwing a worried look in his direction, tightening his grip on Lelouch's hand.

"That's not it - my term is ending soon and … originally I was supposed to go back home," Lelouch said, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing to do so.

Suzaku chuckled, his eyes shining with something warm and affectionate (something that made Lelouch feel so secure, so safe -). "But you don't intend to return."

At that, Lelouch leaned forward, and kissed Suzaku briefly. "_No_, not with a steady boyfriend, a good position at campus offered and Schneizel being here anyway." He pulled away, smiling, grateful that Suzaku knew him that well, and he didn't have to offer any other explanation.

"That's good - I was worried you'd leave," Suzaku said, shifting even closer, and chuckling as he added, "Not that it would have been a problem. I'd have followed you."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. "Whether I'd wanted you to or not?" Actually that question didn't need to be asked: Suzaku was stubborn enough, he knew, to have pulled off an odd stunt like that.

"You would have wanted me to follow," Suzaku said after he'd leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Lelouch's temple, sighing as he nuzzled Lelouch's neck, whispering against his skin. "But … you didn't tell me about any job: when did you hear about it?"

It was hard to focus on answering that question with Suzaku's being this close, but Lelouch found himself not shivering outrightly. For once. He even sounded fairly firm as he answered, "I found out today. Schneizel told me..." He didn't finish, finally letting out a groan when Suzaku continued kissing him, leaving a trail down his neck. "Suzaku..."

"I'm glad," Suzaku whispered, and then pulled Lelouch closer, _clo__ser_ until he'd practically pulled him into his lap, with both of his arms firmly wrapped around Lelouch's waist.

Lelouch didn't protest, just closed his eyes and sighed contently, leaning back. "I'm glad too. It's easier like this." Because he wasn't forcing Suzaku to leave his home behind, wouldn't make Yune part with her grandfather and other family members, and … _("I'm not only te__lling you about this job offer __because it's good for your __future __career," Schneizel had said, "but because it might just __be the first step towards independence, and make things for you and Suzaku easier - It's time for you to show how much you care."_

_Lelouch h__ad frowned. "But I do care__ …"_

"_I know, but you haven't, as of yet, really made things official between you or__ really made any grand sacrifices."_

_And Schneizel had been right then, Lelouch realised. Suzaku, so far - by choosing him - had not only risked his reputation and family, but everything he'd known...)_

"But won't you miss your family?" Suzaku cut in, his grip on Lelouch loosening just a bit.

Lelouch let out a mild sigh, his head comfortably empty of any pesky thoughts, though he did feel a mild stab of homesickness - just a bit. "Yes, but I'm an adult, and … it's not like we won't see each other. Besides …" he took a deep breath - admitting this _was _difficult, "Nunnally was right: I should lead my own life, and they'll be fine." He smiled warmly, realising at that moment he was utterly convinced of that very fact.

He heard Suzaku chuckling as well, and turned around to look at him, frowning when he noticed Suzaku's grin. He made a face. "I know what you're thinking - that I'll be calling daily and asking them if everything is fine."

Suzaku snorted. "I'd make that every three hours." And then, probably guessing that Lelouch would protest, he leaned forward a bit, and caught Lelouch's lips in a kiss, shutting him up most effectively - and consoling him further.

Because the more Lelouch felt Suzaku's lips on his, he found any thought - other than _this_ feeling warm and good - dissipating.

o.0 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o.0

June slowly, but surely was drifting towards July, the days growing hotter, lazier as the sun's stay in the sky lengthened, and the flowers started blossoming in their full glory. Staying indoors was a crime, and so he dragged Lelouch out, out into the park, out into sunshine and grassy fields, so they could picnic and watch Yune tumbling about.

Lelouch usually grumbled. He was grumbling now too, hiding his gaze from the bright rays of the sun as he placed a hat on Yune's head. She'd fallen asleep on his lap.

At the sight of them together, Suzaku smiled, and rushed forwards towards them after he'd jumped down from a tree (Lelouch had, yet again, called him a kid - not that it had stopped Suzaku from climbing upon said tree.)

"You should have decided to sit under the tree. It shields from the sun," Suzaku said as he reached them, plopping down beside Lelouch, shifting close because the blanket was only this big: actually it was big enough, but he just wanted to be close to them.

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Insects. Besides, I don't mind the sun."

Suzaku muttered a 'I don't buy it' under his breath, and chuckled as Lelouch glared at him. He smiled again. "The sun is doing you well though. You're looking more tanned."

"Yes, the horrors of that. Nunnally and Mother will be shocked when they'll drop by in two weeks," Lelouch said, smiling warmly, and Suzaku …

And Suzaku, though he found slight feelings of anxiety churning in his stomach, smiled back. He'd heard a lot about Nunnally and Lelouch's mother, had talked to them over the phone, but ...he still feared he'd disappoint them, that they'd frown at him but then ...

He and Lelouch - they'd faced loss, their anxieties, and fears but had still had gotten past them, and they would manage _this_ as well.

He was sure of it as long as they stayed at each other's side.


End file.
